BREAKING NEWS!
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		COLT .45’S HEAD NORTH AND GET CRABS
			Houston, TX and Annapolis, MD —The Colt .45’s announced today that they will move to Annapolis, MD and change their name to the Maryland Fighting Blue Crabs.  The move comes as a shock to the city of Houston, which has housed the Colt’s since their inception.   Through Club spokesman Gregg Moore, Owner, GM and Head Coach Gregg Moore said, “We want to first and foremost thank the city of Houston and their fans for the hospitality they have shown us over the past 5 years.   Unfortunately as the league has grown with the creation of a website, regular gatherings for Monday Night and Central Park Football and planned excursions like Draft Day in Las Vegas and Superbowl Weekend, the revenue of the team has not kept up.  We have tried our hardest to create a synergy between the team and the city, but one just does not exist.  Nowhere is that more evident than our merchandise sales.  At the beginning of this season we retained ROFFL Commissioner and renowned Logoist Marc Epstein to create hats, t-shirts, thongs, and ceramic coffee mugs to sell on Café Press.com.  To date, not one item has been sold.  With the league looking to raise team dues to $100 next season we simply must take this step to insure that the franchise excels no matter what the cost.  If you can’t read between the lines, the TEAM is more important than the fans and we are very excited to be moving to Annapolis where we have instantly created a natural rivalry with the Baltimore Tools.  With perhaps the only natural geographical rivalry in the league, we look forward to battling it out each year with the Tools and hope that the rest of the league enjoys the new surroundings we have…surrounded ourselves…with.” As a city reels with the news that it will be losing their only ROFFL franchise it must take solace in the fact that they never did bring a ROFFL Championship to an overwhelmingly football state.  On this subject Moore said, “We are happy with our success here in Houston and relocating has nothing to do with the fans, besides the fact that they bought no merchandise.  We are extremely disappointed in our 2005 season however.  In a year where the top players are available to the worst teams, we took it upon ourselves to make the playoffs.  It is quite disappointing to have a really low pick next year since all of the top players are going to be gone before we draft especially the Running Backs, which have sucked for us all year.  Hell we might as well take JJ Arrington again.”  To this, Chad Johnson threatened, “If you do, no more touchdown dances, EVER.”  When asked about the move to Annapolis, Johnson added, “Finally I can talk about my Crabs.” Many fans have grown increasingly tired of Moore’s impatience throughout the season often dropping players on a whim or trading them without seemingly thinking.  “I will continue to act as General Manager of the newly named MD Fighting Blue Crabs” Moore said.  “I feel that I have earned that right since I alone pay the $50 league dues.  I am lucky enough to have enough money from my semi-pro Central Park Tools playing days that I do not need investors, therefore I alone have that right to make the personnel decisions.  I do recognize that I pull the trigger too quickly, but then again that has been the complaint in many aspects of my life.  After speaking with Commissioner Epstein, I will curb the whims and triggers and will not make my players as readily available to the rest of the league and act with more patience, mainly because Mr. Epstein has warned me that if I do not, then it will be my responsibility to compile my season ending stats and really who has that much time?” “In closing,” Moore added, “I want the fans of the state of Maryland and the City of Annapolis to know that there is a new sheriff in town.  A new team.  A new beginning.  Buy our stuff and we will embrace you.  I mean, Hell if you can embrace Sidney Ponson for all of those years, you can embrace us.  I think you will be happy to know that we have once again retained ROFFL Commissioner and renowned Logoist Marc Epstein to design the new MD Fighting Blue Crabs logo and he did a much better job this time around, so buy lots of goods, I mean it is Christmas you know.” After such a bizarre turn of events and even more bizarre quotes, Owner Gregg Moore promoted himself to Team President, CEO, COO, GM, Assist. GM, PR rep, Director of Ticket Sales, Marketing, Fan Services, MIS, Community Affairs, Events, Security, Football Operations, Stadium Operations, Grounds Crew and Merchandise Sales.  He then went out and ate the mascot. Houston, we had a problem…now he is Maryland’s Headache.  God Speed Maryland…Good Night, and Good Luck. Additional reporting on this story by Gregg Moore.