Welcome to the first edition of the C.O.P., the Cantor Outreach Program. For the next 6 months I will not be in as much contact with as many of you as I would like. It hurts me that
I don’t see 65% of the league as much as I want, and hurts me far greater knowing that I see Jarrett 65% more than I wish for (just kidding player).
To rectify this situation I will be writing about the only thing I truly know how to write about, me. So for the many of you that don’t find me interesting at all, never click this column
ever again.
Now of course, not everything written in this column will be about me. I enjoy the times I spend with other ROFF members and their 2nd degree friends. Whenever I have a
memorable time I will post the anecdote on my C.O.P. column. Whenever I have a story relating to the one thing I might be good at, teaching (actually, 2nd behind winning ROFF
trophies) it will land on this column.
So while this column might seem totally self-indulgent, that really only takes up about 72% of it. Now, onto the first column….
You’ve all seen the pictures of Super Bowl weekend, so consider this article my pitch for the rest of you to start coming to Deep Creek Lake on a regular basis. Super Bowl XLI was
my third consecutive Super Bowl going to the DCL and the good times there just keep getting better and better. Now remember, this is coming from a guy who can’t even ski.
The weekend always start out the same, the men (its official, women are not allowed at the house for Super Bowl weekend) arrive at la casa de Epstein after a trek that ranges
from 3 to 6 hours. Now here is the tricky part, something will go wrong when you arrive at the house, it’s fucking inevitable; the key is to be ready for this at least 45 minutes to an
hour prior to your arrival. What will go wrong? The one guarantee is that the heat will not work, with a 50% chance that the heater will be completely broken. Other possibilities are
2 feet of snow covering the driveway, frozen toilet bowls and mice.
Now DO NOT let this discourage you, these slight mishaps are a part of the good times. This year, Marc,
Jay and I took care of the 24 inches of snow in less than an hour and were able to grab some sweet photos.
Lukin strategically arrived at the mansion a solid 4 minutes after we were done, earning him dickhead status
for the rest of the weekend (or until Marc caught some ridiculous river cards).
Now after we finished shoveling it was time to warm up inside….. of Marc’s car, because there is a bigger
shot of Paris Hilton hiring a black man than there is for Marc’s DCL house to have heat.
After buying the necessary goodies for our Super Bowl Sunday (i.e. Old Bay, 8 lbs. of potatoes, and
guacamole) we were ready to play poker and get ready for the night out at the Black Bear. I’ll let Lukin
discuss poker because there were at least 3 hands in which he clearly outplayed Marc until Marc ripped
3 river cards directly from out of his ass for the victory. The game ended in a draw between Marc and me,
each splitting $10 each.
The Black Bear, king of the Deep Creek bars. There’s something very special about the place though I’m
not quite sure if I can define it. Maybe it’s the bartender, the same girl for the last three years, or perhaps it’s
the same photo of Jay pointing to the pink neon lights that signify our arrival. Perhaps it’s the 4-6 hot chicks
at the bar every year that end up dancing with people that literally can’t hold my Johnson (I’m convinced we
should just invite these girls to the city, just to see how they’d handle it). On this particular night the four of us meet a girl, named Erica, who is digging our vibe (you know, the fuck
you we live in New York vibe). The problem with Erica, other than her supremely mediocre looks, is that she might be hanging out with the WORST dancer of all time; I mean this
bitch looked like she was hopped up on speed, meth and cocaine, it was embarrassing. Jay is the one that initiates contact and I end the night getting her number, with Jay’s
assist, and this is where all the Eiffel Tower talk begins.
You see, an Eiffel Tower (if you don’t know) is when you’re double teaming a chick, from ass to mouth, and give each other a high five (this explains Marc’s choice for photos in the
DCL section of our website). Now I’ve never tried the Eiffel Tower before, but if I do, I’d like it to be with one of your girlfriends so let me know.
After our night of college-like drunkenness we are driven home by a 92% sober Epstein in atrocious weather and arrive back at the house for another crazy game of poker. Long
story short, I cleaned house. In one of the underrated moments of the weekend, Jay and I play poker for an extra hour or so (till 4:30am) discussing tells in our games and
possibly prepping Jay for his two trips to Vegas.
We wake up the next day, some for skiing (everyone but me), and others for more sleeping (me). The guys are out of the house by 10:30 and I won’t see them again until 4:00, but I
end up going back to sleep until about 12:45 and watch several things that are worth talking about:
1) The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency – To book a cover in a gay magazine, one of JD’s models has to come out as a gay man on national television (that is if we are
calling Oxygen national television). The dude comes out in a fantastic scene that ranked extraordinarily high on Bill Simmons unintentional comedy scale, very brave.
2) Legally Blonde – I’ve never seen this movie before, but I was impressed. Don’t rent it, because you’ll be gayer than that modeling dude, but if you see it on TBS and you’ve
never checked it out before, it’s worth a view.
3) Fast Times at Ridgemont High – Phoebe Cates is gorgeous in this movie.
4) Shallow Hal – I wrote a review on this movie back when I was in college and I remember giving it a favorable write-up. Now, I’m not sure why.
As for the guys skiing, I wasn’t there, but they all arrived back at the mansion safely.
After we all had time to relax we started dividing up our cooking activities. Jay, of course, took care of the Old Bay injected, 1 ½ pound hamburgers, Marc concocted his delicious 5-
layer dip, and in a new tradition Lukin and I put together potato wedges with Old Bay, onion spice, salt, vegetable oil, and pam. Not to brag, but everyone brought their A-game and
this years food was without question the best in the three years I’ve been going to DCL.
The Super Bowl was boring, for sure, but it was every second before and after the Super Bowl that was memorable about DCL ’07, and isn’t that why we go? We’re not going to be
this young ever again, even as I type this I am getting seconds older. The times that I have had at Deep Creek Lake are fantastic times with the best people in the world. Josh,
Marc, Jay, and I all agreed that it’s the perfect vacation, where things like work and relationship drama never get in the way. It’s just us, the ROFF guys, doing what ROFF guys do;
watch football, eat food that can kill smaller mammals, drink beer, talk to mediocre looking chicks, talk about weird sexual positions with said mediocre chicks, play poker, ski,
watch chick flicks and shows, play trivial pursuit (Jay/Jay def. Marc/Josh) and get some sleep. To be honest, if you haven’t come, or are thinking about coming back, this is Jason
Cantor, two-time ROFFL Champion of the World saying that you should.
I don’t see 65% of the league as much as I want, and hurts me far greater knowing that I see Jarrett 65% more than I wish for (just kidding player).
To rectify this situation I will be writing about the only thing I truly know how to write about, me. So for the many of you that don’t find me interesting at all, never click this column
ever again.
Now of course, not everything written in this column will be about me. I enjoy the times I spend with other ROFF members and their 2nd degree friends. Whenever I have a
memorable time I will post the anecdote on my C.O.P. column. Whenever I have a story relating to the one thing I might be good at, teaching (actually, 2nd behind winning ROFF
trophies) it will land on this column.
So while this column might seem totally self-indulgent, that really only takes up about 72% of it. Now, onto the first column….
You’ve all seen the pictures of Super Bowl weekend, so consider this article my pitch for the rest of you to start coming to Deep Creek Lake on a regular basis. Super Bowl XLI was
my third consecutive Super Bowl going to the DCL and the good times there just keep getting better and better. Now remember, this is coming from a guy who can’t even ski.
The weekend always start out the same, the men (its official, women are not allowed at the house for Super Bowl weekend) arrive at la casa de Epstein after a trek that ranges
from 3 to 6 hours. Now here is the tricky part, something will go wrong when you arrive at the house, it’s fucking inevitable; the key is to be ready for this at least 45 minutes to an
hour prior to your arrival. What will go wrong? The one guarantee is that the heat will not work, with a 50% chance that the heater will be completely broken. Other possibilities are
2 feet of snow covering the driveway, frozen toilet bowls and mice.
Now DO NOT let this discourage you, these slight mishaps are a part of the good times. This year, Marc,
Jay and I took care of the 24 inches of snow in less than an hour and were able to grab some sweet photos.
Lukin strategically arrived at the mansion a solid 4 minutes after we were done, earning him dickhead status
for the rest of the weekend (or until Marc caught some ridiculous river cards).
Now after we finished shoveling it was time to warm up inside….. of Marc’s car, because there is a bigger
shot of Paris Hilton hiring a black man than there is for Marc’s DCL house to have heat.
After buying the necessary goodies for our Super Bowl Sunday (i.e. Old Bay, 8 lbs. of potatoes, and
guacamole) we were ready to play poker and get ready for the night out at the Black Bear. I’ll let Lukin
discuss poker because there were at least 3 hands in which he clearly outplayed Marc until Marc ripped
3 river cards directly from out of his ass for the victory. The game ended in a draw between Marc and me,
each splitting $10 each.
The Black Bear, king of the Deep Creek bars. There’s something very special about the place though I’m
not quite sure if I can define it. Maybe it’s the bartender, the same girl for the last three years, or perhaps it’s
the same photo of Jay pointing to the pink neon lights that signify our arrival. Perhaps it’s the 4-6 hot chicks
at the bar every year that end up dancing with people that literally can’t hold my Johnson (I’m convinced we
should just invite these girls to the city, just to see how they’d handle it). On this particular night the four of us meet a girl, named Erica, who is digging our vibe (you know, the fuck
you we live in New York vibe). The problem with Erica, other than her supremely mediocre looks, is that she might be hanging out with the WORST dancer of all time; I mean this
bitch looked like she was hopped up on speed, meth and cocaine, it was embarrassing. Jay is the one that initiates contact and I end the night getting her number, with Jay’s
assist, and this is where all the Eiffel Tower talk begins.
You see, an Eiffel Tower (if you don’t know) is when you’re double teaming a chick, from ass to mouth, and give each other a high five (this explains Marc’s choice for photos in the
DCL section of our website). Now I’ve never tried the Eiffel Tower before, but if I do, I’d like it to be with one of your girlfriends so let me know.
After our night of college-like drunkenness we are driven home by a 92% sober Epstein in atrocious weather and arrive back at the house for another crazy game of poker. Long
story short, I cleaned house. In one of the underrated moments of the weekend, Jay and I play poker for an extra hour or so (till 4:30am) discussing tells in our games and
possibly prepping Jay for his two trips to Vegas.
We wake up the next day, some for skiing (everyone but me), and others for more sleeping (me). The guys are out of the house by 10:30 and I won’t see them again until 4:00, but I
end up going back to sleep until about 12:45 and watch several things that are worth talking about:
1) The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency – To book a cover in a gay magazine, one of JD’s models has to come out as a gay man on national television (that is if we are
calling Oxygen national television). The dude comes out in a fantastic scene that ranked extraordinarily high on Bill Simmons unintentional comedy scale, very brave.
2) Legally Blonde – I’ve never seen this movie before, but I was impressed. Don’t rent it, because you’ll be gayer than that modeling dude, but if you see it on TBS and you’ve
never checked it out before, it’s worth a view.
3) Fast Times at Ridgemont High – Phoebe Cates is gorgeous in this movie.
4) Shallow Hal – I wrote a review on this movie back when I was in college and I remember giving it a favorable write-up. Now, I’m not sure why.
As for the guys skiing, I wasn’t there, but they all arrived back at the mansion safely.
After we all had time to relax we started dividing up our cooking activities. Jay, of course, took care of the Old Bay injected, 1 ½ pound hamburgers, Marc concocted his delicious 5-
layer dip, and in a new tradition Lukin and I put together potato wedges with Old Bay, onion spice, salt, vegetable oil, and pam. Not to brag, but everyone brought their A-game and
this years food was without question the best in the three years I’ve been going to DCL.
The Super Bowl was boring, for sure, but it was every second before and after the Super Bowl that was memorable about DCL ’07, and isn’t that why we go? We’re not going to be
this young ever again, even as I type this I am getting seconds older. The times that I have had at Deep Creek Lake are fantastic times with the best people in the world. Josh,
Marc, Jay, and I all agreed that it’s the perfect vacation, where things like work and relationship drama never get in the way. It’s just us, the ROFF guys, doing what ROFF guys do;
watch football, eat food that can kill smaller mammals, drink beer, talk to mediocre looking chicks, talk about weird sexual positions with said mediocre chicks, play poker, ski,
watch chick flicks and shows, play trivial pursuit (Jay/Jay def. Marc/Josh) and get some sleep. To be honest, if you haven’t come, or are thinking about coming back, this is Jason
Cantor, two-time ROFFL Champion of the World saying that you should.
