Every so often the best looking man in the Retired Orangemen
Fantasy Football League goes to the movies (yes, just like the
rest of you). Sometimes I go with one of my many lady friends.
Still other times I go with fellow ROFFL members. After viewing
these movies, I form an opinion. Here in a new column, exclusive
to retiredorangemen.com, is Five Second Stare at the Movies.
There are 5 ratings:
HANDSOME
GOOD-LOOKING
DECENT
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME
GROSS
Fantasy Football League goes to the movies (yes, just like the
rest of you). Sometimes I go with one of my many lady friends.
Still other times I go with fellow ROFFL members. After viewing
these movies, I form an opinion. Here in a new column, exclusive
to retiredorangemen.com, is Five Second Stare at the Movies.
There are 5 ratings:
HANDSOME
GOOD-LOOKING
DECENT
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME
GROSS
 |
You know who Michael Davis is. I’m almost certain you wouldn’t recognize
his face, but you’ve seen his stuff. The man that directed “Shoot ‘Em Up”
has been making familiar movies for a long time. Now I’m not saying they’
ve been any good (he wrote the screenplay for 1994’s “Double Dragon”)
but I’m not saying they were that awful either (he directed 2000’s “100
Girls”). Either way, almost all of his flicks have gone straight to video.
Now comes “Shoot ‘Em Up,” one of the most audacious movies I have
ever seen in my entire life. Most of the time, a film takes about 20
minutes before it starts moving. Even in last year’s best film (and the
most fast paced), “The Departed,” the movie took it’s time as it went into
break-neck speed. “Shoot ‘Em Up” starts in the first 30 seconds with a
crazy shoot out involving a pregnant woman, a gang, Mr. Smith (Clive
Owen), and the delivery of a child. While watching the opening scene, I
was impressed that anyone had the balls to make a movie like this, but
that didn’t mean I really enjoyed.
The plot of “Shoot ‘Em Up” is both simple and stupid. Mr. Smith sees a
pregnant woman in trouble, decides to help her, keeps the baby, seeks
the help of a hooker (the retarded hot Monica Bellucci), and has to run
away from a hitman (the always great Paul Giamatti) and his gang. That’
s it. There’s nothing else going on. No character development, no arc,
nothing. Not that that’s a bad thing. In fact, if the film tried to add those
things, it would probably make the movie even worse. This film stands on
it’s own as an exercise in style and balls, and that will only get you so far.
The joy of the film, and the reason why it’s not a total waste, is the
performances of Owen and Giamatti. Two actors that are way above this
material and just seem to be having fun on set. Owen, who’s playing the
same character he’s played in the far superior films, “Sin City,” and
“Inside Man” eats up the scenery and I’m sure the sex scene he has with
Bellucci was the reason he agreed to do the film (Bellucci, by the way, is
an awful actress when she’s forced to speak in English).
I have to give some credit to Michael Davis for being bold enough to
make a film like this. “Shoot ‘Em Up” has a bigger body count than any
horror movie I’ve ever seen, and has as much gore as the upcoming
“John Rambo.” Unfortunately, that is not the lone criteria for an action
flick.
his face, but you’ve seen his stuff. The man that directed “Shoot ‘Em Up”
has been making familiar movies for a long time. Now I’m not saying they’
ve been any good (he wrote the screenplay for 1994’s “Double Dragon”)
but I’m not saying they were that awful either (he directed 2000’s “100
Girls”). Either way, almost all of his flicks have gone straight to video.
Now comes “Shoot ‘Em Up,” one of the most audacious movies I have
ever seen in my entire life. Most of the time, a film takes about 20
minutes before it starts moving. Even in last year’s best film (and the
most fast paced), “The Departed,” the movie took it’s time as it went into
break-neck speed. “Shoot ‘Em Up” starts in the first 30 seconds with a
crazy shoot out involving a pregnant woman, a gang, Mr. Smith (Clive
Owen), and the delivery of a child. While watching the opening scene, I
was impressed that anyone had the balls to make a movie like this, but
that didn’t mean I really enjoyed.
The plot of “Shoot ‘Em Up” is both simple and stupid. Mr. Smith sees a
pregnant woman in trouble, decides to help her, keeps the baby, seeks
the help of a hooker (the retarded hot Monica Bellucci), and has to run
away from a hitman (the always great Paul Giamatti) and his gang. That’
s it. There’s nothing else going on. No character development, no arc,
nothing. Not that that’s a bad thing. In fact, if the film tried to add those
things, it would probably make the movie even worse. This film stands on
it’s own as an exercise in style and balls, and that will only get you so far.
The joy of the film, and the reason why it’s not a total waste, is the
performances of Owen and Giamatti. Two actors that are way above this
material and just seem to be having fun on set. Owen, who’s playing the
same character he’s played in the far superior films, “Sin City,” and
“Inside Man” eats up the scenery and I’m sure the sex scene he has with
Bellucci was the reason he agreed to do the film (Bellucci, by the way, is
an awful actress when she’s forced to speak in English).
I have to give some credit to Michael Davis for being bold enough to
make a film like this. “Shoot ‘Em Up” has a bigger body count than any
horror movie I’ve ever seen, and has as much gore as the upcoming
“John Rambo.” Unfortunately, that is not the lone criteria for an action
flick.
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