September 14, 2005
SACO - Fear not female fans of your Local Celebrity I am not heartbroken over a woman,
no, rather this past Sunday I suffered the most gut-wrenching defeat of them all: A bad
fantasy football beat. Loyal readers, and die-hard football fans, know that his past weekend
was the official kickoff to the NFL season and also the season within the season - fantasy
football.
I was feeling surprisingly upbeat about my team this year, and after coming in next-to-last
place last season, I was ready for redemption. Those feelings were reinforced after the
Patriots' home opener last Thursday. I could care a less that the Pats beat the Raiders,
30-20, I was more pumped that Tom Brady threw for 306 yards and two touchdowns, and
that receiver Deion Branch had 99 of those yards and a touchdown on seven catches. Why?
Well both are integral parts of Brock's Bandits, my fantasy football team, of course.
Going into the official opening day Sunday I had a 20-point lead on my opponent, the New
Jersey Jacobins, and since both Brady and Branch outdid their expected point totals I was
feeling good that I could earn a Week 1 win. All my remaining players had to do was meet
their potential and I was home free, and with five of them - Seattle's Shaun Alexander,
Cincinnati's Rudi Johnson, Carolina's Rod Gardner, Miami's Randy McMichael, and
Buffalo's defense - going in the one o'clock games we were going to find out pretty quick
what kind of week I was going to have.
My hopes were sent through the roof early with a second quarter touchdown from Johnson and the Bills forcing a few first-half
turnovers in their game against Houston. I was leading comfortably by nearly 30 points when the Dolphins' Gus Frerotte hit
McMichael for a two-yard touchdown in the third quarter to bump my lead to close to 40. I knew that Johnson, one of the most
durable young running backs in the NFL, would get his numbers, and he did. He finished with 126 yards rushing and 12 more
receiving on two catches, which was good enough for 17.20 fantasy points, but what I wasn't counting on was Alexander, ranked as
the second overall player by most fantasy outlets, to throw up the fantasy equivalent of a goose egg. He rushed for only 73 yards in
the Seahawks' loss at Jacksonville, had zero catches and failed to reach the endzone. Grand total: 4.87 points.
After I saw that I knew I might be in trouble, but thankfully Buffalo picked up the slack, going for 24 points on five sacks and five
turnovers. One thing I also hadn't noticed was that Gardner, slated to be the Panthers' third receiver and big deep threat, was a
last-minute scratch before the game. That minute detail, and my failure to plug in a replacement, which would have been the
Jaguars' Reggie Williams, resulted in me taking a big fat zero from the third receiver. Great.
Thankfully I still had one of the best receivers, St. Louis' Torry Holt, and Green Bay kicker Ryan Longwell, to go, so big point totals
were still possible. I still had a huge lead as well, but with the Jacobins still having Chargers' quarterback Drew Brees, New York
running back Tiki Barber, and the Giants' defense to go, I wasn't sure my lead would hold up.
And boy was I right.
Holt had a typical Holt day: 10 catches for 125 yards. Good enough for 18.33 fantasy points, but I had a feeling the lack of a
touchdown might hurt me, and with Longwell only getting me five points on his 50-yard field goal I could feel my lead slipping.
Brees did his thing, like I expected, and the Giants' D was putting the hurt on the Cardinals. But suddenly, after a Barber long TD run
my lead was down to 20, then the G-Men took a kickoff back for a touchdown. Lead now 14.
Brees touchdown pass, lead now eight. You see the idea.
Chad Morton then returned a punt for a TD, mix in a sack on Arizona's Kurt Warner, and yours truly was now losing by 1.68 points.
Any hopes of winning now were dashed when Rams' quarterback Marc Bulger tossed a pick with under a minute to go against the
49ers.
I was crying on my keyboard at this point, wondering how my once seemingly insurmountable lead could vanish so quickly. I then
redirected my anger towards the Arizona Cardinals and their inept special teams, who apparently couldn't tackle Biddeford's Josh
Morin if he returned a kick against them.
Just as I was about to throw an even biggest hissy fit than I already was Brees threw an interception in San Diego's come-back
attempt against the Cowboys. Hurrah! I was now back ahead by .32 points. Victory was mine!
Except it wasn't. Minutes later Arizona backup QB Josh McCown, attempting to get a cheap TD against the Giants second-team
defense, threw an interception with 45 seconds to play in the game, which put the Jacobins back ahead of me by 1.68 points.
Final score: New Jersey Jacobins 131.93, Brock's Bandits 130.25.
If you'll excuse me I need to book a flight for Arizona. What's the name of the Cardinals special teams coach again?
Only in reality can my fantasy cause such heartbreak. And I've got 16 more week of this to go.
SACO - Fear not female fans of your Local Celebrity I am not heartbroken over a woman,
no, rather this past Sunday I suffered the most gut-wrenching defeat of them all: A bad
fantasy football beat. Loyal readers, and die-hard football fans, know that his past weekend
was the official kickoff to the NFL season and also the season within the season - fantasy
football.
I was feeling surprisingly upbeat about my team this year, and after coming in next-to-last
place last season, I was ready for redemption. Those feelings were reinforced after the
Patriots' home opener last Thursday. I could care a less that the Pats beat the Raiders,
30-20, I was more pumped that Tom Brady threw for 306 yards and two touchdowns, and
that receiver Deion Branch had 99 of those yards and a touchdown on seven catches. Why?
Well both are integral parts of Brock's Bandits, my fantasy football team, of course.
Going into the official opening day Sunday I had a 20-point lead on my opponent, the New
Jersey Jacobins, and since both Brady and Branch outdid their expected point totals I was
feeling good that I could earn a Week 1 win. All my remaining players had to do was meet
their potential and I was home free, and with five of them - Seattle's Shaun Alexander,
Cincinnati's Rudi Johnson, Carolina's Rod Gardner, Miami's Randy McMichael, and
Buffalo's defense - going in the one o'clock games we were going to find out pretty quick
what kind of week I was going to have.
My hopes were sent through the roof early with a second quarter touchdown from Johnson and the Bills forcing a few first-half
turnovers in their game against Houston. I was leading comfortably by nearly 30 points when the Dolphins' Gus Frerotte hit
McMichael for a two-yard touchdown in the third quarter to bump my lead to close to 40. I knew that Johnson, one of the most
durable young running backs in the NFL, would get his numbers, and he did. He finished with 126 yards rushing and 12 more
receiving on two catches, which was good enough for 17.20 fantasy points, but what I wasn't counting on was Alexander, ranked as
the second overall player by most fantasy outlets, to throw up the fantasy equivalent of a goose egg. He rushed for only 73 yards in
the Seahawks' loss at Jacksonville, had zero catches and failed to reach the endzone. Grand total: 4.87 points.
After I saw that I knew I might be in trouble, but thankfully Buffalo picked up the slack, going for 24 points on five sacks and five
turnovers. One thing I also hadn't noticed was that Gardner, slated to be the Panthers' third receiver and big deep threat, was a
last-minute scratch before the game. That minute detail, and my failure to plug in a replacement, which would have been the
Jaguars' Reggie Williams, resulted in me taking a big fat zero from the third receiver. Great.
Thankfully I still had one of the best receivers, St. Louis' Torry Holt, and Green Bay kicker Ryan Longwell, to go, so big point totals
were still possible. I still had a huge lead as well, but with the Jacobins still having Chargers' quarterback Drew Brees, New York
running back Tiki Barber, and the Giants' defense to go, I wasn't sure my lead would hold up.
And boy was I right.
Holt had a typical Holt day: 10 catches for 125 yards. Good enough for 18.33 fantasy points, but I had a feeling the lack of a
touchdown might hurt me, and with Longwell only getting me five points on his 50-yard field goal I could feel my lead slipping.
Brees did his thing, like I expected, and the Giants' D was putting the hurt on the Cardinals. But suddenly, after a Barber long TD run
my lead was down to 20, then the G-Men took a kickoff back for a touchdown. Lead now 14.
Brees touchdown pass, lead now eight. You see the idea.
Chad Morton then returned a punt for a TD, mix in a sack on Arizona's Kurt Warner, and yours truly was now losing by 1.68 points.
Any hopes of winning now were dashed when Rams' quarterback Marc Bulger tossed a pick with under a minute to go against the
49ers.
I was crying on my keyboard at this point, wondering how my once seemingly insurmountable lead could vanish so quickly. I then
redirected my anger towards the Arizona Cardinals and their inept special teams, who apparently couldn't tackle Biddeford's Josh
Morin if he returned a kick against them.
Just as I was about to throw an even biggest hissy fit than I already was Brees threw an interception in San Diego's come-back
attempt against the Cowboys. Hurrah! I was now back ahead by .32 points. Victory was mine!
Except it wasn't. Minutes later Arizona backup QB Josh McCown, attempting to get a cheap TD against the Giants second-team
defense, threw an interception with 45 seconds to play in the game, which put the Jacobins back ahead of me by 1.68 points.
Final score: New Jersey Jacobins 131.93, Brock's Bandits 130.25.
If you'll excuse me I need to book a flight for Arizona. What's the name of the Cardinals special teams coach again?
Only in reality can my fantasy cause such heartbreak. And I've got 16 more week of this to go.