ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. — If there is one thing we all can be thankful for it’s that football
season is finally upon us.
We waited seven long, grueling months, put up with a lame NBA Playoffs, rooted for the Red
Sox, but what we were really waiting for was to see our favorite teams strap on the pads and
hit the gridiron for another thrilling football season.
The college season is in full force and the NFL begins this week, and with it, along with
wondering if the New England Patriots can win their fourth championship in five years, comes
the most competitive season of the them all: Fantasy Football season.
Myself, I’m in four such leagues, but there’s only one that really matters: The Retired
Orangemen Fantasy Football League.
ROFFL.
Fourteen college buddies going head-to-head for 17 weeks, talking more trash Terrell
Owens, and aking fun if each’s mother and sister more than an episode of The Jerry
Springer Show.
An automated computer draft is too impersonal and boring, so for the third straight year 14
college-educated, white-collared professionals and wanna-be football general managers converged on a small hotel room in
southern New Jersey to do what you would expect: Draft our fantasy football teams, make fun of each other’s picks, and stuff our
face with pizza, beer, and cheese salsa dip and gamble away an entire paycheck at $25 blackjack.
GM’s came from all over during the weekend of Aug. 26-27-28. From California, Louisiana, Maryland, New York, and Maine. They
came with team names like Bandits, Colt .45’s, Jacobins, Nomads, Quackers, Shermtanks, and Tools. All with their eyes on the prize.
The ROFFL Trophy.
Given annually to the winner, the trophy glows like a beacon in the night, and those who are fortunate enough, lucky enough to
survive the regular season and playoffs have their name etched on the side, a la the Stanely Cup, and immortalized on the league
web page, www.retiredorangemen.com.
Nick Serrano took the inaugural championship in 2002, followed by newcomer Jason Cantor in ‘03, and thanks to the right arm of
San Diego’s Drew Brees, Navid Sadri last season. Jason Sherman, GM of Shermtanks, has come in second place the last two
seasons, which isn’t really a surprise given the fact that his top keeper and starting quarterback is Indianapolis’ Peyton Manning.
Dave Allocco had the first pick in this year’s draft, and after going a dismal 2-11 a year ago and taking home the first ever “Toilet
Bowl” award, which not-so ironically enough is an actual toilet seat, he selected Oakland’s Randy Moss, who for some reason wasn’t
kept.
I had the second pick (a 3-10 season will do that to a man) and nabbed Cincinnati’s Rudi Johnson faster than I drank a cherry
Slurpee earlier that afternoon. Four picks later, Serrano, on teleconference from Moscow, Russia (don’t ask) selected upstart San
Diego tight end Antonio Gates after joking about taking Tennessee backup QB Billy Volek.
There were hardly any surprise picks in Round 3 (Rounds 1 and 2 are reserved for our keepers),
and in fact, everyone was real quiet and focused, in sharp contrast to a year ago when there was
more hooting and hollering than Midnight at the Apollo. Sherman, who is rapidly approaching
Buffalo Bills status in our league, even brought his own 100-plus page draft booklet that he
bought off the Internet, in addition to the 123-page color draft booklet league commissioner
Marc Epstein put together and mailed to each of the owners at a $3.85 clip.
Notorious for underpreparation, I actually picked up a fantasy football newspaper that I bought
at 7-11 along with my Slurpee, which ended up being my lifesaver, as I felt I had my best draft in the league’s history. I nabbed
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, Miami tight end Randy McMichael, Jacksonville receiver Reggie Williams, Philadelphia’s Greg
Lewis, among others, to go along with my keepers, Seattle running back Shaun Alexander and St. Louis receiver Torry Holt.
In all, 210 players were drafted in nearly six hours, 18 of the first 28 picks were running backs, there were 12 different fantasy
magazines, 14 cans of Colt .45 went undrank, two plates of cheese salsa dip were devoured, 2 large mushroom pizzas were
destroyed, three people (including yours truly) had laptops, 4,368 curse words were uttered after picks, and 13 guys didn’t like their
teams.
Quote of the draft? “What was I thinking eight minutes ago?” by Born to Run My Mouth owner Rich Kiss, after coming to the
realization that he indeed selected Cleveland rookie receiver Braylon Edwards in the fifth round.
In the end it all came down to instincts and who had the best gut feeling about certain players and teams. As Sherman said after
Married with Ravens owner Josh Lukin said that taking New York receiver Plaxico Burress was a “risky pick,” “they’re all risky man.”
And he’s right, because where else can 14 twenty-somethings (nine of which are Syracuse University graduates, one of which is
married, another engaged, and nine who are single) battle to the death for nearly five months in the world of fantasy and have it
mean more to them than their own family or job? Where we have completely no control of the outcome but feel depressed for days
when our team fails us.
It truly is The Season within the season, and it’s already started.
Are you ready?
season is finally upon us.
We waited seven long, grueling months, put up with a lame NBA Playoffs, rooted for the Red
Sox, but what we were really waiting for was to see our favorite teams strap on the pads and
hit the gridiron for another thrilling football season.
The college season is in full force and the NFL begins this week, and with it, along with
wondering if the New England Patriots can win their fourth championship in five years, comes
the most competitive season of the them all: Fantasy Football season.
Myself, I’m in four such leagues, but there’s only one that really matters: The Retired
Orangemen Fantasy Football League.
ROFFL.
Fourteen college buddies going head-to-head for 17 weeks, talking more trash Terrell
Owens, and aking fun if each’s mother and sister more than an episode of The Jerry
Springer Show.
An automated computer draft is too impersonal and boring, so for the third straight year 14
college-educated, white-collared professionals and wanna-be football general managers converged on a small hotel room in
southern New Jersey to do what you would expect: Draft our fantasy football teams, make fun of each other’s picks, and stuff our
face with pizza, beer, and cheese salsa dip and gamble away an entire paycheck at $25 blackjack.
GM’s came from all over during the weekend of Aug. 26-27-28. From California, Louisiana, Maryland, New York, and Maine. They
came with team names like Bandits, Colt .45’s, Jacobins, Nomads, Quackers, Shermtanks, and Tools. All with their eyes on the prize.
The ROFFL Trophy.
Given annually to the winner, the trophy glows like a beacon in the night, and those who are fortunate enough, lucky enough to
survive the regular season and playoffs have their name etched on the side, a la the Stanely Cup, and immortalized on the league
web page, www.retiredorangemen.com.
Nick Serrano took the inaugural championship in 2002, followed by newcomer Jason Cantor in ‘03, and thanks to the right arm of
San Diego’s Drew Brees, Navid Sadri last season. Jason Sherman, GM of Shermtanks, has come in second place the last two
seasons, which isn’t really a surprise given the fact that his top keeper and starting quarterback is Indianapolis’ Peyton Manning.
Dave Allocco had the first pick in this year’s draft, and after going a dismal 2-11 a year ago and taking home the first ever “Toilet
Bowl” award, which not-so ironically enough is an actual toilet seat, he selected Oakland’s Randy Moss, who for some reason wasn’t
kept.
I had the second pick (a 3-10 season will do that to a man) and nabbed Cincinnati’s Rudi Johnson faster than I drank a cherry
Slurpee earlier that afternoon. Four picks later, Serrano, on teleconference from Moscow, Russia (don’t ask) selected upstart San
Diego tight end Antonio Gates after joking about taking Tennessee backup QB Billy Volek.
There were hardly any surprise picks in Round 3 (Rounds 1 and 2 are reserved for our keepers),
and in fact, everyone was real quiet and focused, in sharp contrast to a year ago when there was
more hooting and hollering than Midnight at the Apollo. Sherman, who is rapidly approaching
Buffalo Bills status in our league, even brought his own 100-plus page draft booklet that he
bought off the Internet, in addition to the 123-page color draft booklet league commissioner
Marc Epstein put together and mailed to each of the owners at a $3.85 clip.
Notorious for underpreparation, I actually picked up a fantasy football newspaper that I bought
at 7-11 along with my Slurpee, which ended up being my lifesaver, as I felt I had my best draft in the league’s history. I nabbed
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, Miami tight end Randy McMichael, Jacksonville receiver Reggie Williams, Philadelphia’s Greg
Lewis, among others, to go along with my keepers, Seattle running back Shaun Alexander and St. Louis receiver Torry Holt.
In all, 210 players were drafted in nearly six hours, 18 of the first 28 picks were running backs, there were 12 different fantasy
magazines, 14 cans of Colt .45 went undrank, two plates of cheese salsa dip were devoured, 2 large mushroom pizzas were
destroyed, three people (including yours truly) had laptops, 4,368 curse words were uttered after picks, and 13 guys didn’t like their
teams.
Quote of the draft? “What was I thinking eight minutes ago?” by Born to Run My Mouth owner Rich Kiss, after coming to the
realization that he indeed selected Cleveland rookie receiver Braylon Edwards in the fifth round.
In the end it all came down to instincts and who had the best gut feeling about certain players and teams. As Sherman said after
Married with Ravens owner Josh Lukin said that taking New York receiver Plaxico Burress was a “risky pick,” “they’re all risky man.”
And he’s right, because where else can 14 twenty-somethings (nine of which are Syracuse University graduates, one of which is
married, another engaged, and nine who are single) battle to the death for nearly five months in the world of fantasy and have it
mean more to them than their own family or job? Where we have completely no control of the outcome but feel depressed for days
when our team fails us.
It truly is The Season within the season, and it’s already started.
Are you ready?
