had some MLB influence on the schedule making, because the ratings are going to be through the roof!!
If there is one team owner who is not a fan of this week’s television friendly schedule it is our friend from the south,
Mr. Kiss. This is because the Jacobins have six wins and two of the 5-7 teams play each other, meaning that the #7
& #8 seed are guaranteed to have six wins each, leaving Born to pine for a draft without the distracting winds.
Race to the Toilet!
The unthinkable has happened. Jarrett has knocked Jason out of the playoffs for the first time in ROFF history,
potentially setting him up for ownership of the toilet bowl for one year (after back to back second place finishes) and
possible ownership of LT for the next three years, all in one week. This is indeed the apocalypse. Pack your bags,
dear readers. Other contenders in this dubious race are our esteemed Commish, and Pity-Me-Please Cajun. This
week will should settle their stomachs, then again maybe not.
The 4 Most Important Games of the 2005 ROFF Season
Jacobins, 5SS, Blade, MwR, Quackers and prop have anxiously been waiting for my super technical playoff
breakdown, I just know…
Best Games of the Week (Maybe of all time, we will let history judge that)
- 5SS vs. propaganda – 5 Footballs
- Blade Brown vs. MwR – 4.5 Footballs
- Quackers vs. Tools – 4 Footballs
- Jacobins vs. Born – 3 Footballs
current point differential is very high. Currently the teams’ point totals are:
5SS (1354.84 pts)
Blade Brown (1308.92 pts)
Jacobins (1242.55 pts)
MwR (1179.55 pts)
Quackers (1144.19 pts)
Propaganda (1022.96 pts)
** Those teams share the same record (6-7), but the point difference is very close, and thus the order could
change. The two teams to share the two asterisks are the Quackers and MwR, their point differential is 35.36. So if
both teams won, their positions would switch only if the Quackers were able to score 35.36 more points than MwR in
this final week
Swan Song
Compared to this time last year, it is pretty simple to see how each team will get in. We have three playoff spots up
for grabs (really we have just two, but more on that later) and five 5-7 teams waiting on the wings, four of which are
playing each other. This is going to be a great weekend for fantasy football, there is a lot on the line, and even
those teams who are already eliminated can still affect the playoff races!
Brick Walls & Trees: IN
I have won more games in a single season than anyone has ever won in the history of ROFF. I have put together
the two best back to back seasons in ROFF history, which were preceded by (depending on the Jacobins game this
week) the worst two consecutive seasons in ROFF history. And still no respect. I will not go quietly into the night. I
have an Xbox 360 dammit! But I digress.
BWaT will either be #1 or #2 (preferably #1).
Nomads in the Deep: IN
All hail Nomads, he is so good. Nomads will either be #1 or #2 in the playoffs. This week they play Nose in a game
with playoff seeding ramifications.
Brock’s Bandits: IN
The Bandits will be either the #3 or #4 seed in the playoffs. This week’s matchup with newlywed owner Moore will
have an affect on seeding, but both teams have already qualified.
Nose: IN
He did it. He is in the postseason, and not just in Madden anymore, add ROFF to that list. Nose plays the crowd
favorite Nomads this week and though they can’t be seeded any higher than #3, they don’t want to drop all the way
to the #6 seed either.
Colt 45’s: IN
He did it, he got married and returned to the playoffs. Look for marriage to be a trend among ROFF owners in
2006. This is a league of copycats and we all know it. Colts will be either the #4, #5 or #6 seed after their game
against the Bandits on Sunday.
New Jersey Jacobins: IN
Though the Jacobins don’t have an asterisk by their name, they are in the playoffs. There is a way for them not to
make the playoffs but it involves a banana, a tailpipe and the Quackers scoring 98 more points than the Jacobins, so
really, I just can’t get into it right now. The Jacobins play Born who is out already. A Jacobins win could, however,
send the toilet bowl to Nawlin if other scenarios play out this weekend.
Five Second Stare: Win and IN; Lose and OUT
5SS owner Jay Cantor is convinced he will not make the playoffs. No doubt, he has been trying hard, 5SS has lost
three straight, but destiny is still under his control, which is something other owners would desperately like. This
week’s matchup with propaganda is I think the biggest game of the week, simply because we have two teams on the
bubble, but they are coming from completely different directions. Both former ROFF champions, lest we not forget.
Blade Brown: Win and IN; Lose and OUT
The second biggest game belongs to Blade and MwR. True Retired Orangemen in a duel for a spot in the playoffs.
It is very likely that the winner of this game will continue playing into the postseason.
Married with Ravens: Win and IN (must maintain their 35.36 point lead over the Quackers); Lose and OUT
Well he lost the Battle of the Brides a few weeks ago, but a win this week sets up a potential rematch with much
greater importance!
Duckville Quackers: Win + help and IN; Lose and OUT
West Coast keeps making trades and plugging in. Beating the commish might be hard personally but it would
definitely further his career professionally, speaking in terms of fantasy of course. What a dilemma!
propaganda: Win and Quackers Loss and IN; Lose and OUT
The first champ knows how to win. He was in a similar position in 2002 sneaking into the #8 seed and ripping
everyone a new one in the playoffs. This is definitely the Game of the Week, gentlemen.
Born to Run My Mouth: OUT
Poor Rich. Katrina ruined his town and his draft, but at lease he gets sympathy from girls. There should be a trophy
for that.
Baltimore Tools: OUT
By the end of the 2005 season, the Tools could have the 6th highest point total and end up with the Toilet Bowl.
What a crappy season that would be.
Shermtanks: OUT
Start sending chocolates to LT. I hear he prefers white chocolate.
Potent Potables
#1 Seed: BWaT/Nomads vs. #8 Seed: Jacobins/5SS/Blade/MwR/Quackers/propoganda
#2 Seed: BWat/Nomads vs. #7 Seed: Jacobins/5SS/Blade/MwR/Quackers
#3 Seed: Bandits/Nose vs. #6 Seed: Nose/Colts/Jacobins/5SS/Blade/MwR
#4 Seed: Bandits/Nose/Colts/Jacobins #5 Seed: Nose/Colts/Jacobins
And that’s it. Be sure to tip your columnist. Good luck to everyone in this final week!
