plenty of football. As we get closer to the playoffs, I ask you, how thankful are you to be in the ROFF(L)? Around
this time of year I think everyone’s relationship to fantasy football falls in one of three buckets:
a) I am so thankful to be in this league, it is the greatest thing to happen to my life. I’m in the playoffs, I own this
league, give me my trophy already and while you’re at it, my check too. Happy Thanksgiving!
b) This league is so ungrateful. I go to the draft, I work on my team every single day, I read the articles and make
posts and what does that get me? Exactly 0% chance of playing in the stupid postseason. But can I stop paying
attention to this league? Noooooo, I can’t stop paying attention, because if I stop paying attention to my team I will be
accused of throwing games, and people will write mean and nasty things about me? So you know what, fine. Take
my money, I’ll check my roster every Friday, I hope you enjoy your stupid playoffs, because once they start, I’m
gone. I’ll find out who won in August. Pass the damn turkey!
c) Its Thanksgiving already? Fuuuuuck.
Full disclosure: the author definitely falls in the c) category.
Playoff Standings Update
• Berths: Nomads in the Deep remains the only team guaranteed to make the playoffs.
• DQs: It is a sad day, when after a long season of preparation, drafting, scouting, working waiver wire, writing
smack and reading columns that you realize your team has been eliminated. This week, we have 3 sad pilgrims:
Born to Run My Mouth, Inching Worms and labor power. If you really want to take something away from the 2006
season, there is still the toilet bowl. Speaking of….
Toilet Bowl Update:
• The list of teams eliminated from Toilet Bowl contention is getting longer. After snatching victory from the bowels
of defeat, Fighting Blue Crabs, Baltimore Tools and Five Second Stare are now, no longer eligible for the 2006
ROFF(L) Toilet Bowl Trophy. With only two weeks to go, those still in the hunt include: New Jersey Jacobins, Born to
Run My Mouth, labor power, Inching Worms and Dorfman. Best of luck.
I’m sure by now, you have noticed that the standings are ridiculous. There is a clear 2 game separation between
the top team and the bottoms five teams, leaving eight teams squeezed in the middle, with a 1 game separating the
top record from the bottom record. These eight 7-4 and 6-5 teams are competing amongst themselves, and two 4-7
teams, for only seven playoff spots. This dance is going to piss one ballerina off.
Five Turkey Legs (and a Wishbone)
OC Beach Ballers vs. New Jersey Jacobins
Okay, I have come to terms with the fact that two thirds of the league will be rooting for the Jacobins in this match. I
have a message for you. Chew before you swallow, please. Otherwise you will choke. Back to this game. This
week, we have another bubble game involving the Jacobins. Last week, the Jacobins lost, but this week they have
their backs against the metaphoric wall. A loss will eliminate them, this week or next. Even if they win out, if four of
the five 6-win teams reach seven wins, Jacobins are eliminated. So this could be the last week for the Jacobins to
remain in post season contention. Even if they win and the other 6-win teams win today, they will be eliminated. The
Ballers are in better shape, but still have an uphill battle to the postseason. They control their own destiny, winning
out puts them in the playoffs. A loss this week would not end their season, but with a low point total it could bring
them closer to the exit.
Four and a Half Turkey Legs
Nose vs. Baltimore Tools
Nose wins this week or next week they are in. But, if Nose manages a way to lose out, it is possible that they will
finish the season in 9th place outright and miss the playoffs. If the Tools win out, they are in. Both teams have the
right records and right amount of points, but both can still miss the playoffs if things go badly.
Four Turkey Legs
Brock’s Bandits vs. Dorfman
Here is another game in which two-thirds of the team will be rooting for one team (Brian) to beat the other team
(Brock). If the Bandits win these next two weeks, they are in. If they lose this week, all is not quite lost. Dorfman
continues to make moves, but winning out at this point is more a noble gesture than a sound strategy. The strategy
should be win out AND score over 200 points each week, because even with a 6-7 record, Dorfman will need to
make up a 160 point deficit.
Three Turkey Legs
Canton FC vs. Fighting Blue Crabs
Battle of the Brides II. Both of these clubs are in good shape. If Canton wins this week or next week, Canton is in
the post season. Even if both weeks result in losses, the worst that could happen is a tie with one other team for 8th
place, which means it will come down to points. The Blue Crabs are in good shape, despite being a 6-win club. This
is because of the high point total they have. Win out and they are in.
Two Turkey Legs
Five Second Stare vs. Inching Worms
These two comedians do battle Cosmo Kramer style. The Worms had a disappointing season but still have some
say on the playoffs. This week they play the Stare and next week the Ballers. Two wins by the Worms has a big
effect on the playoff picture. 5SS won last week’s bubble match and catapulted ahead to 7th place. Winning out
puts them in the post season.
Two Turkey Legs (and pumpkin pie)
Nomads in the Deep vs. Shermtanks
75% of the league regards this game as the odds on ROFF(L) Bowl V. Both teams are beltless, fat guys at an all
you can eat buffet on Thanksgiving Day with empty plates and plenty of silverware. Guard your tots. If the Nomads
win this game they are guaranteed the #1 seed. The Shermtanks win, and they are in; if they lose out, they will be
tied with one other team for 8th place, and with such a high point total, the playoffs look good for this team. Step 1
in Worst to First: Make the playoffs. “Looking good Lewis, Feeling good Billy Ray!”
One Partially Chewed Turkey Leg (leftover from last year)
labor power vs. Born to Run My Mouth
Sorry guys, I will be joining you shortly. Both of these teams are out of the playoffs, so this could be as close to a
Toilet Bowl Bowl as we get, since as of yet, there is no playoff structure for that trophy.