Preseason:
“Draft went well. Got a balanced team. I’m happy with it. Got my two studs, got my up and coming players who will
breakout this year, and got my potential sleepers. Nothing less than a championship this year folks. Many people
thought I drafted well, I agree. Hopefully, I can improve upon my last place team. Either way, not bad for a four eyed
geek who couldn’t get picked to play co-ed flag football.”
“Let the message board postings begin. Bunch of stupid postings about baseball, politics, and some gay messages
about ‘how it was cool to see everyone at the draft’. What the hell? Who wrote this posting? It makes no sense.
Something about being glad to be a part of the league. Dude cannot spell.”
Week 1
“A close game, but a victory none-the-less. My two studs were solid, others didn’t perform yet, but it’s only week
one. It’s a long season. That’s why they say it’s a marathon and not a sprint. 1-0, tied for first place. I expect to stay
there for the rest of the season.”
“Hmmm……..the commissioner has created a web-site. Dude has too much time on his hands. What the hell, a
columnist link? Same dumb crap as last year. 5 Things I Think I Know, Predictions, Recaps. Who would write for this
dumb thing? I would never.”
“The waiver wire pickups have already started. Guess who picked up the recently traded RB. Dude must get all
transactions text messaged to his phone. WHAT A LOSER!!!!”
Week 2
“A blow out defeat. My pick for breakthrough player of the year racked up 3 TD’s. The other team with the dumb
name had no chance. 2-0 baby!!! Still in first place, way to start the season. The trophy is coming home to me this
year. So is the big payday.”
“More columnists? Who is that good-looking dude?………..Something about numbers? Man these people must
have a lot of free time on their hands. Don’t they have to work?”
“Someone just picked up a 3rd string RB. Ha Ha. While everyone ravages the waiver pool. I’m just gonna stick tight
and watch my players take over.”
Week 3
“Not a blow-out, but an easy victory none-the-less. Even when my team struggles, it manages to find a way to win.
Good sign for things to come. Only one other team is still undefeated, but he’s played no real competition. Things
are looking great for me.”
“More changes to the website. Now we can buy household items? Who would actually buy those things? No new
columnists this week (thank god), but what the hell is with this good looking guy and this by the numbers dude.”
“Somebody just picked up a player, then dropped him, then picked him up again. All within 5 minutes. Dude, make
up your mind and get a job.”
“Somebody posted something on the message board. It makes no sense whatsoever. Just like his team name.
Speak English fool.”
Week 4
“My first loss. It’s ok. It was bound to happen. I mean I didn’t expect an undefeated season. 12-1 will still be
impressive. My guys played tough defenses. Just a one week fluke. Still tied for first place. It’s all good. No need to
panic. If anything, we’ll just let these other fools have some hope. Don’t want to run away with this league just yet.”
“One team has yet to win. Looks like you’re in for a long season Mr. NJ. I’ll trade you for your keepers though.”
“You know, this good-looking dude is actually pretty funny. No by the numbers this week, oh well………..maybe next
week.”
“Our league scholar has written another wordy message board posting. Too many words I don’t understand. Who
does this guy think he is………William Shakespeare? I couldn’t tell if he was making fun of me or not.”
Week 5
“Another loss. It’s ok. Bye weeks are killing me. Just going through a rough stretch. No reason to worry. Still looking
good for the playoffs.”
“What the hell? Some anonymous fool wrote a nine page essay about the draft and his thoughts about weeks 1-4.
Nobody cares what you think. And what’s with the anonymous, you reveal yourself in the posting, you dumbass.”
“Still no by the numbers this week. Maybe he’s busy with work and all his ladies.”
“Somebody needs to tone it down on the message board. What’s with all the trash talk? You’re gonna get people
upset.”
Week 6
“Time to panic. Another loss. Worse than that, one of my star players got hurt. Hope the news isn’t too bad. Nobody
left to pick up in the waiver pool. Should have been more proactive.”
“Wow, someone actually made a trade. Nobody in this league ever trades. I’m glad to see it. Maybe he’ll trade some
more, but I highly doubt it. People in this league are so conservative. Nobody has the balls.”
“No shit Mr. Anonymous. We all knew it was you, no need to reveal yourself. What the hell, and he’s writing a
column now? That is a good picture though. I love me some Dat Nguyen.”
“Mouthing ROFF to premiere next week. Sounds interesting. Dude is pretty fun.”
“I knew it, now the trash talking has really begun. A lot of it sounds really bitter and personal, but maybe that’s just
my take. I’m sure it’s all in good fun. I mean it’s not like anyone is going to try and kick anybody out of this league.”
Week 7
“Good news and bad news this week. My guy is going to be ok. He’ll play through it. Bad news, another loss. That’s
four in a row. Man, the bye weeks are killing me. Plus one of my star RB’s only played one quarter before leaving
the game. Dude that does not help me. It’s ok though. 3-4 isn’t too bad. Still time to turn it around. Only have to win
7 games to get into the playoffs, might even get in with 6, already got 3.”
“Ha, that Mouthing ROFF was a riot. Still no word from by the numbers.”
“Message board - Fire Sale. Man, don’t be a quitter. Play for pride man.”
“2 more trades. All from the same dude. That makes 3 on the season. In years 1-3 of the league, only 2 trades. In 5
weeks this year, this guy has made 3 trades. Man, this guy is crazy. He traded away all his keepers.”
“Wow, a vote to kick out a certain league member over some trash talking. I did not see that one coming. Man that
escalated pretty quickly.”
Week 8
“Finally, the losing streak is over. So what the other team had its best 2 players on a bye week. A win is a win. Back
to .500 baby. Just need to finish at least 2-3 the rest of the way and I should get into the playoffs by points. Plus I
just found a potential steal via the waiver wire.”
“This random thoughts guy writes way too much. Plus he makes fun of himself half the time. Dude nobody likes self-
deprecating humor. Especially women.”
“Another trade!!!!! Who does this guy think he is………….Isiah Thomas?”
Week 9
“What a pickup off the waiver wire. It’s not the draft that wins the league. It’s all about the waiver wire. 5-4 baby.
Over .500 again. Playoffs looking more and more definite now.”
“More complaining on the message boards. What a bunch of biggity bitches.”
“Hey Mr. Scholar. Stop speaking proper English and learn some slang. This isn’t 18th century England.”
Week 10
“Oh yea baby. A close victory and now I’m tied for 3rd. 6-4, and the playoffs are looking like a lock. I need to win 1 of
the last 3 and it’s a clinch, or just score enough points to get the final playoff spot. Bye week’s are over now. My
squad is good to go.”
“Rule change – wtf. This commissioner swears he’s the king or something. Making changes as he pleases. I say we
attempt a coup. Get that guy out of there. The power is getting to his head.”
“Columnists website is looking pretty bleak these days. No By The Numbers, Mouthing ROFF isn’t mouthing sh*t,
and 5 Things I Think I Know apparently doesn’t know anything this week. But hey, the good-looking dude and Dat
Nguyen are carrying the website. Who would have thought somebody who only writes 3 lines on his draft book bio
could write so much in his column. You can never tell with some people.”
Week 11
“F*CK, F*CK, F*CK, F*CK - .03 – point oh f’n three. How can you lose by that little? It’s just not fair. That’s one
reception, a couple more yards, a few less points let up on defense. This is such B.S. I don’t count that as a loss. 6-
5, but I should be 7-4 and a clinch for the playoffs. It really didn’t help that my RB got into a car accident on his way
to the game and didn’t play. Thanks you idiot. Next time take a taxi or catch a ride with someone else who knows
how to drive.”
“More complaining on the website. I hate people who complain. I mean what next, somebody going to complain
about rule changes during the offseason and send out a mass email?”
“Finally, people have come to their senses and there will be nobody getting kicked out of the league.”
“Playoff preview. Is this guy a math genius or something? Listen Will Hunting, too many numbers. Hmmm, maybe this
is where Mr. “By The Numbers” has been spending the past 9 weeks, because it sure hasn’t been working on his
column.”
“The coup failed. The commissioner is still king. Didn’t help that the coup was attempted by a one man army.”
Week 12
“Another loss, complete blowout for that matter, and worse than that, a season ending injury to my best WR. This
does not look good. Trading deadline passed weeks ago, nobody on the waiver wire. Playing the first place team
next week, so looks like we’re gonna have to gut this one out and hope we have enough points. Down to the last
week. 2 teams are 7-5, two teams are 6-6, and one team is 5-7. Only two playoff spot lefts.”
“What the hell, now this Anonymous, Random Thought Having, Dat Nguyen Loving, Loser wants to retire. After
writing what is arguably the worst article ever. Rap Lyrics. Who the hell likes rap. Country music is where it’s at.
Carrie Underwood – I love you!!!!!
“I hate these f*cken guys who talk all this crap now that they made the playoffs. I hope I get in, just so I can make
them look like fools. Oh, but I’m not bitter.”
“Next week. Do or die. Can’t take no chances. Must do the following.”
1. Find a slump buster.
2. Pray to god.
3. Hack into everyone’s yahoo account and alter lineups.
“I found a slump buster and oh, hold on a second. (Puking noises in the background). Sorry about that, #1
accomplished. #2 – done. #3 – I forgot. I have the computer literacy of a 90 year old. Let’s hope 2 out of 3 is
enough.”
Week 13
“I didn’t make the playoffs. Complete blow out. Too bad I was on the losing end. Largest margin of victory in ROFFL
history and lowest weekly point total ever in a week. What a way to make history. Thanks to that historic feat I didn’t
quite get enough points to get the 8th playoff spot.
“This league is biased. I swear. I’m quitting. I………..oh crap, the slump buster is at my door again. I’M NOT HOME.”
Quote of the week:
E. – “What, you’re telling me Kristen isn’t hot?”
Johnny Drama – “She’s cute in the I want to marry you and then divorce you kind of way.”
“Draft went well. Got a balanced team. I’m happy with it. Got my two studs, got my up and coming players who will
breakout this year, and got my potential sleepers. Nothing less than a championship this year folks. Many people
thought I drafted well, I agree. Hopefully, I can improve upon my last place team. Either way, not bad for a four eyed
geek who couldn’t get picked to play co-ed flag football.”
“Let the message board postings begin. Bunch of stupid postings about baseball, politics, and some gay messages
about ‘how it was cool to see everyone at the draft’. What the hell? Who wrote this posting? It makes no sense.
Something about being glad to be a part of the league. Dude cannot spell.”
Week 1
“A close game, but a victory none-the-less. My two studs were solid, others didn’t perform yet, but it’s only week
one. It’s a long season. That’s why they say it’s a marathon and not a sprint. 1-0, tied for first place. I expect to stay
there for the rest of the season.”
“Hmmm……..the commissioner has created a web-site. Dude has too much time on his hands. What the hell, a
columnist link? Same dumb crap as last year. 5 Things I Think I Know, Predictions, Recaps. Who would write for this
dumb thing? I would never.”
“The waiver wire pickups have already started. Guess who picked up the recently traded RB. Dude must get all
transactions text messaged to his phone. WHAT A LOSER!!!!”
Week 2
“A blow out defeat. My pick for breakthrough player of the year racked up 3 TD’s. The other team with the dumb
name had no chance. 2-0 baby!!! Still in first place, way to start the season. The trophy is coming home to me this
year. So is the big payday.”
“More columnists? Who is that good-looking dude?………..Something about numbers? Man these people must
have a lot of free time on their hands. Don’t they have to work?”
“Someone just picked up a 3rd string RB. Ha Ha. While everyone ravages the waiver pool. I’m just gonna stick tight
and watch my players take over.”
Week 3
“Not a blow-out, but an easy victory none-the-less. Even when my team struggles, it manages to find a way to win.
Good sign for things to come. Only one other team is still undefeated, but he’s played no real competition. Things
are looking great for me.”
“More changes to the website. Now we can buy household items? Who would actually buy those things? No new
columnists this week (thank god), but what the hell is with this good looking guy and this by the numbers dude.”
“Somebody just picked up a player, then dropped him, then picked him up again. All within 5 minutes. Dude, make
up your mind and get a job.”
“Somebody posted something on the message board. It makes no sense whatsoever. Just like his team name.
Speak English fool.”
Week 4
“My first loss. It’s ok. It was bound to happen. I mean I didn’t expect an undefeated season. 12-1 will still be
impressive. My guys played tough defenses. Just a one week fluke. Still tied for first place. It’s all good. No need to
panic. If anything, we’ll just let these other fools have some hope. Don’t want to run away with this league just yet.”
“One team has yet to win. Looks like you’re in for a long season Mr. NJ. I’ll trade you for your keepers though.”
“You know, this good-looking dude is actually pretty funny. No by the numbers this week, oh well………..maybe next
week.”
“Our league scholar has written another wordy message board posting. Too many words I don’t understand. Who
does this guy think he is………William Shakespeare? I couldn’t tell if he was making fun of me or not.”
Week 5
“Another loss. It’s ok. Bye weeks are killing me. Just going through a rough stretch. No reason to worry. Still looking
good for the playoffs.”
“What the hell? Some anonymous fool wrote a nine page essay about the draft and his thoughts about weeks 1-4.
Nobody cares what you think. And what’s with the anonymous, you reveal yourself in the posting, you dumbass.”
“Still no by the numbers this week. Maybe he’s busy with work and all his ladies.”
“Somebody needs to tone it down on the message board. What’s with all the trash talk? You’re gonna get people
upset.”
Week 6
“Time to panic. Another loss. Worse than that, one of my star players got hurt. Hope the news isn’t too bad. Nobody
left to pick up in the waiver pool. Should have been more proactive.”
“Wow, someone actually made a trade. Nobody in this league ever trades. I’m glad to see it. Maybe he’ll trade some
more, but I highly doubt it. People in this league are so conservative. Nobody has the balls.”
“No shit Mr. Anonymous. We all knew it was you, no need to reveal yourself. What the hell, and he’s writing a
column now? That is a good picture though. I love me some Dat Nguyen.”
“Mouthing ROFF to premiere next week. Sounds interesting. Dude is pretty fun.”
“I knew it, now the trash talking has really begun. A lot of it sounds really bitter and personal, but maybe that’s just
my take. I’m sure it’s all in good fun. I mean it’s not like anyone is going to try and kick anybody out of this league.”
Week 7
“Good news and bad news this week. My guy is going to be ok. He’ll play through it. Bad news, another loss. That’s
four in a row. Man, the bye weeks are killing me. Plus one of my star RB’s only played one quarter before leaving
the game. Dude that does not help me. It’s ok though. 3-4 isn’t too bad. Still time to turn it around. Only have to win
7 games to get into the playoffs, might even get in with 6, already got 3.”
“Ha, that Mouthing ROFF was a riot. Still no word from by the numbers.”
“Message board - Fire Sale. Man, don’t be a quitter. Play for pride man.”
“2 more trades. All from the same dude. That makes 3 on the season. In years 1-3 of the league, only 2 trades. In 5
weeks this year, this guy has made 3 trades. Man, this guy is crazy. He traded away all his keepers.”
“Wow, a vote to kick out a certain league member over some trash talking. I did not see that one coming. Man that
escalated pretty quickly.”
Week 8
“Finally, the losing streak is over. So what the other team had its best 2 players on a bye week. A win is a win. Back
to .500 baby. Just need to finish at least 2-3 the rest of the way and I should get into the playoffs by points. Plus I
just found a potential steal via the waiver wire.”
“This random thoughts guy writes way too much. Plus he makes fun of himself half the time. Dude nobody likes self-
deprecating humor. Especially women.”
“Another trade!!!!! Who does this guy think he is………….Isiah Thomas?”
Week 9
“What a pickup off the waiver wire. It’s not the draft that wins the league. It’s all about the waiver wire. 5-4 baby.
Over .500 again. Playoffs looking more and more definite now.”
“More complaining on the message boards. What a bunch of biggity bitches.”
“Hey Mr. Scholar. Stop speaking proper English and learn some slang. This isn’t 18th century England.”
Week 10
“Oh yea baby. A close victory and now I’m tied for 3rd. 6-4, and the playoffs are looking like a lock. I need to win 1 of
the last 3 and it’s a clinch, or just score enough points to get the final playoff spot. Bye week’s are over now. My
squad is good to go.”
“Rule change – wtf. This commissioner swears he’s the king or something. Making changes as he pleases. I say we
attempt a coup. Get that guy out of there. The power is getting to his head.”
“Columnists website is looking pretty bleak these days. No By The Numbers, Mouthing ROFF isn’t mouthing sh*t,
and 5 Things I Think I Know apparently doesn’t know anything this week. But hey, the good-looking dude and Dat
Nguyen are carrying the website. Who would have thought somebody who only writes 3 lines on his draft book bio
could write so much in his column. You can never tell with some people.”
Week 11
“F*CK, F*CK, F*CK, F*CK - .03 – point oh f’n three. How can you lose by that little? It’s just not fair. That’s one
reception, a couple more yards, a few less points let up on defense. This is such B.S. I don’t count that as a loss. 6-
5, but I should be 7-4 and a clinch for the playoffs. It really didn’t help that my RB got into a car accident on his way
to the game and didn’t play. Thanks you idiot. Next time take a taxi or catch a ride with someone else who knows
how to drive.”
“More complaining on the website. I hate people who complain. I mean what next, somebody going to complain
about rule changes during the offseason and send out a mass email?”
“Finally, people have come to their senses and there will be nobody getting kicked out of the league.”
“Playoff preview. Is this guy a math genius or something? Listen Will Hunting, too many numbers. Hmmm, maybe this
is where Mr. “By The Numbers” has been spending the past 9 weeks, because it sure hasn’t been working on his
column.”
“The coup failed. The commissioner is still king. Didn’t help that the coup was attempted by a one man army.”
Week 12
“Another loss, complete blowout for that matter, and worse than that, a season ending injury to my best WR. This
does not look good. Trading deadline passed weeks ago, nobody on the waiver wire. Playing the first place team
next week, so looks like we’re gonna have to gut this one out and hope we have enough points. Down to the last
week. 2 teams are 7-5, two teams are 6-6, and one team is 5-7. Only two playoff spot lefts.”
“What the hell, now this Anonymous, Random Thought Having, Dat Nguyen Loving, Loser wants to retire. After
writing what is arguably the worst article ever. Rap Lyrics. Who the hell likes rap. Country music is where it’s at.
Carrie Underwood – I love you!!!!!
“I hate these f*cken guys who talk all this crap now that they made the playoffs. I hope I get in, just so I can make
them look like fools. Oh, but I’m not bitter.”
“Next week. Do or die. Can’t take no chances. Must do the following.”
1. Find a slump buster.
2. Pray to god.
3. Hack into everyone’s yahoo account and alter lineups.
“I found a slump buster and oh, hold on a second. (Puking noises in the background). Sorry about that, #1
accomplished. #2 – done. #3 – I forgot. I have the computer literacy of a 90 year old. Let’s hope 2 out of 3 is
enough.”
Week 13
“I didn’t make the playoffs. Complete blow out. Too bad I was on the losing end. Largest margin of victory in ROFFL
history and lowest weekly point total ever in a week. What a way to make history. Thanks to that historic feat I didn’t
quite get enough points to get the 8th playoff spot.
“This league is biased. I swear. I’m quitting. I………..oh crap, the slump buster is at my door again. I’M NOT HOME.”
Quote of the week:
E. – “What, you’re telling me Kristen isn’t hot?”
Johnny Drama – “She’s cute in the I want to marry you and then divorce you kind of way.”
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