obvious thing. The lack of information provided on my team’s bio page. Yes, it’s become a common theme every
year that while all other 13 league members write multiple pages and answer a majority of the questions in their
team bio, I answer only the required questions. Many league members ask me to write more (ok, just Marc), even
though it’s my ‘thing’. Well, the truth is I just don’t like to write too much information about myself. I know that seems
ironic given that I submit a 53 page quarter-weekly column, but it’s true. Anyway, here’s what my answers would look
like if I were to answer the questions.
Team Mascot (picture optional)
Four words: Dat “Motherfucken” Nguyen bitches. See the website if you don’t know.
Team Colors
Apparently, Brown…………….. although, I am fond of pink, green and yellow. Also,
dark blue is a nice color for something, like say a car.
Your Favorite Number
#25 (my basketball jersey number and home address number), #27 (my birthday)
Favorite alias (i.e. Ron Mexico)
Bruce Wong...............and I really do use that name.
The ROFF column I look forward to every week is
I don’t like this question. The only answer you’ll get is someone picking one columnist and offending everyone else,
or someone not speaking his mind and mentioning everyone to be fair. I’d tell you my least favorite, but then I’d
apparently be self-deprecating (which girls do not like) and that would count towards one of my 1,965 new put-
downs for this year and trust me, I’m gonna need all of them to get through the year.
I don’t like to give props to other ROFF owners, but if I HAVE to, it would be (and why)
Seems everyone wants to give props to the usual suspects. Marc for being an excellent commissioner, Jay for
writing a great column (and being so admirably modest about his god given good looks), Jason for his fantasy
prowess, Navid for winning last year, Scott for being a great treasurer, Nick for being a all around good guy, Parker
for being funny and an excellent fantasy GM, Gregg for having such a great ass, Rich for being hilariously original,
Brock for being outspoken, Josh for also writing a good column, etc………… and now those that weren’t giving their
rightful props (like Dave and Jarrett) are now being recognized for their contributions. It’s safe to say everyone get
props in this league (except me). The only thing I will say is I wish we all knew each other better, instead of Marc
being the only person to know everyone.
If I were Commissioner for a day, my first act would be
Everyone in their right mind would not want to be commissioner out of respect for Marc. In addition, everyone would
write that they would install Marc back as commissioner. That’s why I don’t like this question. The man has a big
enough ego, no need to add to it. Seriously, the guy has such a big head that he can’t wear turtlenecks anymore in
the winter time and we all know how much Marc loves to wear turtlenecks. So, my answer will be if I were
commissioner for a day, I would make any losses by .03, count as a tie. No particular reason or anything.
How the “Whizzinator” incident has personally affected you
I couldn’t think of anything amusing to write here………
My biggest rival in the league continues to be OR Screw the guy from last year, now my biggest rival is
As much as I would like to believe that I have a rival, I sadly do not. Two other league members mentioned me as
their rival, but according to my definition of rivalry, they are not. I have yet to beat Jay Cantor, so even though we
will forever be connected by .03, we are nothing more than Wil.E.Coyote (me) versus The Road Runner (beep,
beep). As for my Russian adversary (not rivalry), Nick has won the only meaningful match-up between us. So, even
though, I am 2-0 in regular season games the last two season versus Nick, he is 1-0 in championship games and
that’s the only record that matters. But I do love the back and forth that Nick and I have going on in the message
boards.
Who is your favorite all-time player (not currently active) and why
So many players to choose from; Jim Brown is the greatest football player of all time without question. Barry
Sanders is without a doubt, the classiest and most exciting football player of the ESPN era. Joe Montana is the
greatest QB of all time and the man when it comes to clutch games. However, my favorite player of all time is (drum
roll please)………Dat Nguyen (I know he is still active, but I don’t care).
If you could build a team around one player (currently or not-currently active), who would it be and why?
See above. How many times must I mention Dat. Also, shout outs to Nom Chow, Kevin Mawae, Kailee Wong, and the
guy from the Chiefs who I can’t remember his name (help me out here Nick).
What this league means to me?
It goes without saying that this league means a lot to me. I mean what else would I spend countless hours on
thinking ideas for and writing a 53 page quarter-weekly column for what amounts to 3 people who care to read it. In
addition, I care for the league so much that I would ruin any respect I have garnered in this league by sending out a
mass email with what amounts to my stupid opinions regarding league rules.
Predictions for the year? Who will win it all?
Whoever finishes 6-7 and sneaks into the playoffs in the final week, who has overcome countless close losses and
injuries only to be discounted by every other league member as he faces the first place team who breezes through
the regular season setting scoring total records (thanks in part to our new ‘point’ friendly scoring system).
Ok, now pretend you can’t pick yourself?
C’mon, you guys know me. You’ve read my column (hopefully). When do I ever say anything nice about myself?
Will Shermtanks wind up in 2nd place for a 3rd year in a row? YES or NO
Another stupid question. I mean it’s funny and all, but I don’t think it’s fair to single out any person whether for props
or humor (other than Marc since this is all his work). But to answer the question, I don’t think so. He’ll either win it all
and get his vindication, or he won’t make the playoffs for the first time.
Misc: (other things you would like known to the league)
As you can tell by my stupid and unfunny responses, this is why I do not answer any optional questions.
Other responses to references about me made in the draft book:
Marc, I don’t put any time or effort into this league. What are you talking about?
Rich, I’m not your hero?
Scott, I do not draft young, high risk players near the top of the draft. I draft them throughout (rounds one through
15).
Brock, it’s obvious you don’t like to mention me in anything you write. Are you mad at me b/c I will always be better
than you at basketball?
Gregg, you are the only man not to answer all the questions and keep his profile below three pages. For that, I will
trade any players I have to you.
Parker, do you use your alias when you pick up girls at bars and clubs, because I get a lot of angry dirty messages
from random women. (By the way, Parker’s whizzinator story is a complete fabrication. We all know Parker was at
“WaWa’s” not “7-11”)
Jay Cantor, my last name is spelt YEUNG. Not YOUNG and definitely not YUENG.
Josh, have I offended you in the past.
Dave, I apologize for my crude attempts at humor at your expense in my draft book article (Nick’s special edition).
Navid, I still have nothing to write about you. Probably doesn’t matter since you don’t read this.
Jarrett, how much do I owe you for the best columnist reference?
Nick, how dare you mention “Kristen Kruek”? Stop taking my ideas and pawning them off as your own.
Jason, we are not friends. Stop pretending.
Weekly Movie Quote:
Kitty - “I dunno………I just love it when you talk so tough……”
Reese Feldman - “Of course you do baby, that’s why you’re my girlfriend on the side.”
