 |
Just a couple of quick thoughts before I get into my midseason report cards:
As everyone who watches the news (or reads it on the internet) knows, there is a sprawling wildfire spreading across Southern California. Now, we all
have either friends or family out there on the west coast. Heck, one of our very own lives out in there LA, and another one is there on a business trip.
So, I’m sure some of you are following it very closely.
With that in mind, I reached out to Parker to make sure he was OK. I got the following response:
“The fires are not too far from us, but not so close that we are worried - so far. You can see some smoke in the air, which makes it a little more real.
Hopefully these winds stop blowing the flames all around.”
So it sounds like Parker and his roommates are doing OK. Let’s hope it stays that way…
The Ronnie Brown Experience:
I’m sure some of you were expecting me to reference Ronnie Brown in some way. I know it sucks for me, but I can’t even imagine how it feels to be him. It’
s truly unfortunate that his breakout season had to be cut short. But he did an amazing job while he was on my team for three years and he is my team
MVP, no matter what happens the rest of the season.
I could easily go on and complain. But nobody wants to hear that. I get that. Nobody will feel sorry for you. I get that too. As long as it doesn’t happen to
them, it’s not their problem, and they don’t care. (Of course, let somebody else’s guy go down and watch the message board posts fly). I just want to
leave off with this one comment. You know how certain people are more vocal and boastful when their team is doing well, but watch them have a losing
season and you won’t hear one peep from them. Well, try writing a weekly column for two years in a row with the Toilet Bowl staring you in the eye.
Now on to the midseason report cards: I know, technically it’s week seven and there are only thirteen weeks in the regular season, but its close
enough.
Brock’s Bandits: A
What else is there to say? Best record. Most points by almost a hundred. The guy is a badass. It all started with the choice to keep Brady over Thomas
Jones. Then the quick pick of Randy Moss. Since then, it’s been all singing doves and sunny skies in Brockland.
Born To Run My Mouth: A-
Talk about a bounce back year. Even Rich never thought his team would be this good. He just hoped to not get to Toilet Bowl. His ‘best case scenario’
was eighth place and the last spot in the playoffs. But picking Tony Romo was the QB steal of the draft. And keeper TJ Houshmandzadeh has helped
lead Born to the (tied) second best record and the third highest point total. Mardi Gras has officially started for Rich. Let the beads fly…
BushMarony07: A-
OK, so things didn’t go quite as planned with the team name. But who needs them when you get the homefield advantage. The defense, kicker, and
NFL receptions leading receiver have guided the squad. There is a reason this guy has the most wins in the league.
Five Second Stare: B+
The returning champ looks headed back to the playoffs. That means we could be looking at another repeat folks. The biggest reason? Oh, only the
biggest and badest running back to hit the NFL since Barry Sanders. Combine that with the second best WR in fantasy (Plaxico), a nifty trade to steal a
top flight TE for Cedric Benson, and two waiver wire steals (picking up Derrick Ward and Nick Folk) and you can see why this guy has the second
highest point total.
Nose: B
It has been an inconsistent season for Jarrett. The three wide receivers have not been as advertised. Marshawn Lynch will be a great keeper, but
Buffalo stinks. However, Eli has been better than expected. And LenDale White might be the answer to who is his #2 RB. Now if someone could just get
Jerious Norwood some more touches.
Nomads in the Deep: B
The two time champ has had some bumps in the road. Larry Johnson is starting to turn it around, but he was ass awful those first five weeks (although
his second half schedule looks much easier). Frank Gore has not been much better. The answer could be the return of Kevin Jones. But his first two
draft picks (Javon Walker and Marc Bulger) have been huge injury disappointments. Yet, through some smart waiver wire pickups, the man finds himself
right in the playoff hunt and with his guys starting to get healthy. If things work out, his roster may be at full speed just in time for the playoffs.
Fighting Blue Crabs: B-
Sure, he’s above .500, but he has the lowest point total of all the over .500 teams. That just means that he’s been lucky on some weekends. But a win is
a win. And Gregg finds himself in the chase yet again thanks to Peyton, T.O., and Chad. He’ll need more out of his RB’s though.
The Next Google: C+
The two sides of Scott Watson:
Sidenote: Do not, under any circumstances, have dinner with Marc and your opponent right before you are about to play him. Especially when your
record against said opponent is 0-5. All you hear all night is “Hey, did you know that you Scott has beaten your ass all five times you’ve played.”
Back to his grade: Scott gets a C+ because he still has major QB problems. Welker has been a steal and looks headed for double digit TD’s. MJD is
turning things around. And the trade for Clinton Portis has helped out, but Santana Moss is not the player he used to be.
Hungry Horses: C+
Things have not gone quite as planned for Parker. On the bright side. His Two RB’s have been spectacular…when they play. But Marvin has been
down. Cutler is no Romo. And James Jones didn’t really become the super sleeper many thought he’d be. But Parker’s still in the playoff hunt. All he
needs is those two RB’s to stay healthy.
Shermtanks: C
Talk about a bad year. You have the supposed best player in all of fantasy, but he’s only in the top twenty, because he scored 4 TD’s in one game.
Your other RB, in what was supposed to be the best RB combo in the league, only has one TD. And your all world QB a TD/INT ratio of .5. But despite
all that, Jason has remained in the hunt and a second half turnaround is not out of the question. His is a team that none of the top 3 teams will want to
play in the first round of the playoffs.
New Jersey Jacobins: C-
Not much has gone right for Dave. His best player has been out for five weeks now. His QB is no longer mobile, thus making his just a black version of
Kerry Collins. His RB fathers’ illegitimate kids, smokes some pot, then hurts his ribs. And Marc keeps picking him to win. But on the bright side, Bruce
Springsteen and Bon Jovi just came out with new albums.
anti-trust: C-
Nick has had a rough start (which is becoming a yearly trend). Vince Young has suffered from the Madden Curse and was dropped. Nick’s RB’s have
spent more time questionable than on the field. Yet, the man does not quit. He is more active than half the league, despite being in a foreign country
with less frequent internet connectivity and a double digit time difference. You know what. Scratch that…Nick gets an A…for effort.
Baltimore Tools: C-
Our poor commissioner. He went days without sleep trying to decide who to keep: Evans or Portis. Finally settling on Lee Evans. Evans and his
whopping 17 catches and 211 yards…he makes Reggie Brown look like a steal. Throw in the crushing season ending injury to Deuce, which led to the
trade for Cedric Benson of all people, and you have to feel a little bad for the guy. I mean he puts his heart and soul into this league. Is it too much to
ask the fantasy gods for a little help?
That’s all I got folks. The last half of the regular season has already started. The league has started to divide itself. It’s time to make your move if you
think you have a chance.
So good luck to you all…I hope you avoid your own Ronnie Brown experience.
As everyone who watches the news (or reads it on the internet) knows, there is a sprawling wildfire spreading across Southern California. Now, we all
have either friends or family out there on the west coast. Heck, one of our very own lives out in there LA, and another one is there on a business trip.
So, I’m sure some of you are following it very closely.
With that in mind, I reached out to Parker to make sure he was OK. I got the following response:
“The fires are not too far from us, but not so close that we are worried - so far. You can see some smoke in the air, which makes it a little more real.
Hopefully these winds stop blowing the flames all around.”
So it sounds like Parker and his roommates are doing OK. Let’s hope it stays that way…
The Ronnie Brown Experience:
I’m sure some of you were expecting me to reference Ronnie Brown in some way. I know it sucks for me, but I can’t even imagine how it feels to be him. It’
s truly unfortunate that his breakout season had to be cut short. But he did an amazing job while he was on my team for three years and he is my team
MVP, no matter what happens the rest of the season.
I could easily go on and complain. But nobody wants to hear that. I get that. Nobody will feel sorry for you. I get that too. As long as it doesn’t happen to
them, it’s not their problem, and they don’t care. (Of course, let somebody else’s guy go down and watch the message board posts fly). I just want to
leave off with this one comment. You know how certain people are more vocal and boastful when their team is doing well, but watch them have a losing
season and you won’t hear one peep from them. Well, try writing a weekly column for two years in a row with the Toilet Bowl staring you in the eye.
Now on to the midseason report cards: I know, technically it’s week seven and there are only thirteen weeks in the regular season, but its close
enough.
Brock’s Bandits: A
What else is there to say? Best record. Most points by almost a hundred. The guy is a badass. It all started with the choice to keep Brady over Thomas
Jones. Then the quick pick of Randy Moss. Since then, it’s been all singing doves and sunny skies in Brockland.
Born To Run My Mouth: A-
Talk about a bounce back year. Even Rich never thought his team would be this good. He just hoped to not get to Toilet Bowl. His ‘best case scenario’
was eighth place and the last spot in the playoffs. But picking Tony Romo was the QB steal of the draft. And keeper TJ Houshmandzadeh has helped
lead Born to the (tied) second best record and the third highest point total. Mardi Gras has officially started for Rich. Let the beads fly…
BushMarony07: A-
OK, so things didn’t go quite as planned with the team name. But who needs them when you get the homefield advantage. The defense, kicker, and
NFL receptions leading receiver have guided the squad. There is a reason this guy has the most wins in the league.
Five Second Stare: B+
The returning champ looks headed back to the playoffs. That means we could be looking at another repeat folks. The biggest reason? Oh, only the
biggest and badest running back to hit the NFL since Barry Sanders. Combine that with the second best WR in fantasy (Plaxico), a nifty trade to steal a
top flight TE for Cedric Benson, and two waiver wire steals (picking up Derrick Ward and Nick Folk) and you can see why this guy has the second
highest point total.
Nose: B
It has been an inconsistent season for Jarrett. The three wide receivers have not been as advertised. Marshawn Lynch will be a great keeper, but
Buffalo stinks. However, Eli has been better than expected. And LenDale White might be the answer to who is his #2 RB. Now if someone could just get
Jerious Norwood some more touches.
Nomads in the Deep: B
The two time champ has had some bumps in the road. Larry Johnson is starting to turn it around, but he was ass awful those first five weeks (although
his second half schedule looks much easier). Frank Gore has not been much better. The answer could be the return of Kevin Jones. But his first two
draft picks (Javon Walker and Marc Bulger) have been huge injury disappointments. Yet, through some smart waiver wire pickups, the man finds himself
right in the playoff hunt and with his guys starting to get healthy. If things work out, his roster may be at full speed just in time for the playoffs.
Fighting Blue Crabs: B-
Sure, he’s above .500, but he has the lowest point total of all the over .500 teams. That just means that he’s been lucky on some weekends. But a win is
a win. And Gregg finds himself in the chase yet again thanks to Peyton, T.O., and Chad. He’ll need more out of his RB’s though.
The Next Google: C+
The two sides of Scott Watson:
- Scott gave me the biggest compliment by saying that my writing has gotten better since I started and that even though he didn’t want to read my
last week’s column, he couldn’t resist. - Then we meet up for dinner (with Marc) and he goes ahead and poisons my ribs.
Sidenote: Do not, under any circumstances, have dinner with Marc and your opponent right before you are about to play him. Especially when your
record against said opponent is 0-5. All you hear all night is “Hey, did you know that you Scott has beaten your ass all five times you’ve played.”
Back to his grade: Scott gets a C+ because he still has major QB problems. Welker has been a steal and looks headed for double digit TD’s. MJD is
turning things around. And the trade for Clinton Portis has helped out, but Santana Moss is not the player he used to be.
Hungry Horses: C+
Things have not gone quite as planned for Parker. On the bright side. His Two RB’s have been spectacular…when they play. But Marvin has been
down. Cutler is no Romo. And James Jones didn’t really become the super sleeper many thought he’d be. But Parker’s still in the playoff hunt. All he
needs is those two RB’s to stay healthy.
Shermtanks: C
Talk about a bad year. You have the supposed best player in all of fantasy, but he’s only in the top twenty, because he scored 4 TD’s in one game.
Your other RB, in what was supposed to be the best RB combo in the league, only has one TD. And your all world QB a TD/INT ratio of .5. But despite
all that, Jason has remained in the hunt and a second half turnaround is not out of the question. His is a team that none of the top 3 teams will want to
play in the first round of the playoffs.
New Jersey Jacobins: C-
Not much has gone right for Dave. His best player has been out for five weeks now. His QB is no longer mobile, thus making his just a black version of
Kerry Collins. His RB fathers’ illegitimate kids, smokes some pot, then hurts his ribs. And Marc keeps picking him to win. But on the bright side, Bruce
Springsteen and Bon Jovi just came out with new albums.
anti-trust: C-
Nick has had a rough start (which is becoming a yearly trend). Vince Young has suffered from the Madden Curse and was dropped. Nick’s RB’s have
spent more time questionable than on the field. Yet, the man does not quit. He is more active than half the league, despite being in a foreign country
with less frequent internet connectivity and a double digit time difference. You know what. Scratch that…Nick gets an A…for effort.
Baltimore Tools: C-
Our poor commissioner. He went days without sleep trying to decide who to keep: Evans or Portis. Finally settling on Lee Evans. Evans and his
whopping 17 catches and 211 yards…he makes Reggie Brown look like a steal. Throw in the crushing season ending injury to Deuce, which led to the
trade for Cedric Benson of all people, and you have to feel a little bad for the guy. I mean he puts his heart and soul into this league. Is it too much to
ask the fantasy gods for a little help?
That’s all I got folks. The last half of the regular season has already started. The league has started to divide itself. It’s time to make your move if you
think you have a chance.
So good luck to you all…I hope you avoid your own Ronnie Brown experience.
