Just a couple of "random thoughts" before I get into my analysis:
The Thomas Jones/Cedric Benson Experience:
I’m sure some of you are expecting me to reference the TJ\CB situation in some way. I know it sucks for me, but I can’t even imagine how it feels to be
them. Together they were special, but separated they have fallen apart. They're like those annoying Mexican twins on Heroes.
I could easily go on and complain. But nobody wants to hear that. I get that. Nobody will feel sorry for me. I get that too. As long as it doesn’t happen to
you, it’s not your problem, and you won’t care. Of course, let somebody else’s guy go down and watch the message board posts fly.
Now let’s go random on individual teams:
PS – I love this. No recapping, no making predictions, just random stream of consciousness thoughts on each team…
anti-trust
Nickoli, how are your wedding plans coming!?… No disrespect, but when is your second half surge going to happen? I have a lot of predictions/claims at
stake here. You’re making me look bad buddy (and no, I’m not taking a dive when we play just so I can be right)… How awesome is Reggie Wayne? So
awesome. In fact, he and Gates (your two keepers) are your only two players over 100 to-date… Thoughts on me visiting you in Korea over the
holidays?… To quote you on the injury bug, “It's the worst.”…
Born To Run My Mouth
Rich has scored in the 80’s the last two weeks and is suffereing at the hands of Shaun Alexander. Perhaps the Madden Curse hurts your spirit too?
(Paging previous cover boys McNabb and Vick)… I want beads!... I’m getting daily BlackBerry IM (look who’s cool!) from Rich telling me that he’s going
to lose the next four games (vs. Cantor, Yeung, Brock and Lukin) and sulk into the playoffs with a 6-7 record. I say this: Relax Rich. The Bears are
going to make a comeback and you have Romo. The end is NOT near… I miss the Bayou. I want to go back for Mardi Gras, but that’s not going to
happen. Who’s up for Jazz fest?...
Brock’s Bandits
Boy, if you’re Brock you must have been dreaming this week for, um, weeks. No Brady. No Moss. I mean those two guys have scored 42.5% of all your
points and they are taking a break this week? Their replacements? Let’s just call them Minus 221 and Minus 124 - as in they have scored that many
points LESS than Brady and Moss… Sorry about putting you on the cover page of the website shirtless. I know you can take a joke, but that would have
bothered me. Maybe because I have a horrible self image of, um, myself… Having Santonio Holmes blow up last week for 110 and 2 TD’s was a clear
sign that the rich are just getting richer (or is it Rich-er, since Holmes took all of Wards chances of getting Rich the win?)… I heart Saco, Maine. It's a
must visit in 2008...
BushMarony07
I can’t watch a Ravens game without thinking about Josh. I felt so bad you had to be out in the rain on Monday night in Pittsburgh (although I did enjoy
recounting the tale of the time we saw the Ravens\Steelers play in Pitt and decided to get a hotel room when it started to snow. I remember how proud
you and I were that we had made an “adult” decision. You remember that night Jason – It was the night you lost your second ROFF Bowl in a row)…
Speaking of the Ravens, how bad do they look? I know they are 4-4, but they don’t act like it. McNair looks like he could care less… Reggie Bush has
looked great of late for Josh. Now if he can get a solid Maroney back after the bye (and get NE to start running and stop passing), he might be a strong
contender to win it all… How’s the Misses? Baltimore?...
Fighting Blue Crabs
What’s to say about Gregg and his team? They are the most schizophrenic team in the league. Big days. Little days. You just never know which team
he's going to play. Luckily this week, breaking 80 might be enough to take down Big Bad Brock … Celebrated Gregg’s 30th in style this past weekend
in Baltimore. Can anyone say "Rock And Bowl"… Did you guys see all the big moves the O’s have been making this off-season so far? Yeah, me
neither… I love Peyton Manning. Not only is he awesome at football, he was also great on SNL and will one day be a better broadcaster than Dan
Marino and Boomer on CBS. I just hope he doesn’t go into the ESPN hole… I bought Ratatouille on DVD for the next time you visit…
Five Second Stare
Don’t tell anyone, but Jay has won 4 in a row. And not some dinky teams. He scratched out a victory of Nomads, got lucky with a win over the Crabs
(and you know it – to score 74 and win is PURE LUCK), but then absolutely dominated Nose… Peterson may be the real deal, but will he break down by
the end of the year? He is a rook after all… Cantor is a very pretty man. Don’t believe me? Just ask that dirty pirate hooker. And all the 14-year-old
girls in his class… Which jersey will be worn this weekend? Busting out Joe circa 1972?
Hungry Horses
Why not Hungry Hippos? The mascot would have been easy to do… That Cutler injury kinda hurts. As much or more than Harrison (who might be
back… soon… I hope)… My entire team for Westbrook\Addai!… If the writers strike, what do writers assistants due?… Dude, the playoffs are within
your reach. Now go get it and get there! The taste of Five’s 96-54 defeat in the second round of the 2003 playoffs must still linger… If my balls were as
big as yours, do you think I would have a girlfriend too? Don’t answer too quickly. Think about your balls. Yeah, nice… Really enjoyed that Family Guy
got your two hair lines in the show, but annoyed you looked so bald…
New Jersey Jacobins
How are YOUR wedding plans coming?… Sorry I kept picking you to win. Guess I just wanted to believe your team was better than they actually were
(NOT A DIG!!!)… Very excited to see you this weekend for football in the park… I need a RB too… For those who want to rip on Dave’s team this year, I
would remind you that he was 8.6 points away from winning the ROFF Bowl in 2005. Very few of us can say that we were in the ROFF Bowl… What
happened to Donovan? He had that one amazing game. Now he just looks like he’s getting ready for his next injury…
The Next Google
Scott has not lost more than 6 games since the 2003 season. I know, sad him, right? But seriously, imagine having that many good years in a row and
seeing them all go up in smoke. It’s like being a Philadelphia Eagles fan these days… Sarku Japan for lunch on Friday?… Did you know that in the top
10 points ever scored Scott owns 2 teams (the most of any owner) – His ’05 team ranks 4 and his 2004 teams ranks 10. Lukin’s ’04 team is number one
with 1,634.86… Scott also has the only team ever to go 12-1 in a season. The next best? Six teams tied at 10-3… How awesome is YOUR Wii?…
Nomads in the Deep
I like Navid, but haven’t heard much from him this year. It must be a college thing… Navid has scored below 80 points in three of his nine games this
year, and below 100 in five. Put that in perspective: Last year he scored below 100 only four times, and below 80 just once… That 'frow just gets bigger
everytime I see you… What the f happened to Mr. Dependable, Larry Johnson?… Yes, I want Roeth, but I can’t afford him!… I want nuts!!!…
Nose
Seriously, he has a huge snozz… If you don’t count his freshman year, Jarrett has quietly (yes, I did choose that word specifically) taken his teams to
.600 or better records…. Seriously, I love my Orioles cap Jarrett. Let me know if you need some more Nick stuff. I love to barter… Before this past
weekend, I tried very hard to trade Jarrett my boy Joe Jurevicius for Dunn. Let's be honest, while TJ/CB are not the best RBs in the league, they're even
worse when one is on a bye. When I couldn't get him to pull the trigger (and it’s not his fault - we had some fine negotiations. Just didn't happen), I went
with Buckhalter (insert Gregg Moore 2003 joke here). Buck got me 3 - not great, but it got me the win (literally). Dunn would have made me sleep a lot
easier on Monday night… Think Cantors right? Engaged by the Holidays?…
Random Thoughts
I like writing your article. Whatever pops in my head, I just write it down… I have your umbrella… Potato... Boy, what a bust Jackson has been. Mr. I’m
Going to Run For 2400 Yards. Boo. That should go into the Fantasy Football Hall of Shame. I think that Daunte Culpepper (circa 2006) should induct
him… I want to see American Gangster, but everyone already saw it. Date night?… Calvin Johnson hasn’t really paid off this year, and I got laid. So it’s
a win-win…
Shermtanks
You. Are. Going. Down. This. Weekend. Into. And. Through. Wednesday. Seriously… You know, you started 5-4 last year too. But you didn’t have to
face me in the second half of the season. We’ll now you do and I’m hungry for a BEAT DOWN. Here comes Corell. Be scared. Be very scared… How
awesome is OUR Wii?… Don’t lie – You’re loving that Drew Brees resurgence, but are getting more and more frustrated by Tomlinson every day. Oh
and he plays Indy this week. Yikes… Can I go to karaoke one day?…
That’s all I got folks. If you haven’t already, it’s time to make your move if you think you have a chance. (ie: TRADE ME A RUNNING BACK!)
Oh, right – So how did I know the girl? Well, I stared and stared. And then it hit me. And then I started to giggle.
Ever heard of CollegeFuckFest.com?
Let’s just say, she wasn’t… but she totally looked like she was.
And for the record: I totally pussed out and regret it to this very second…
Good luck to you all… I hope you avoid your own TJ\CB (and pussying out on a faux porn star) experience.
- I was fortunate to spend my Friday evening with my new roommate Jason. We decided to grab a meal (Caliente Cab – delicious) and then hit the
bar scenes. After discovering that “4th" wasn’t our scene (read: we’re too chicken to talk to girls in a well lit bar), we headed to a place with more
attainable girls: Down the Hatch. It was a nice time, but very crowded. We found ourselves cornered and stuck staring out into a crowd of under-
aged girls and drunk wanna-be frat boys. Then she appeared before me, a vision. She was slightly Jewish looking with a touch of adorableness.
But what struck me is that she looked sooooo familiar. But where, WHERE, did I know here? That answer – and more on my evening – can be
found at the end of this column. - Since I am not fortunate enough to enjoy a meal with myself where I tell myself how much I have sucked against another opponent, let me tell you
that Jason has a 3-2 lead over me, but I won the most recent meeting. - My new Nintendo Wii is awesome. Bowled a 223 the other day, and beat up Jason pretty good. Seriously, Wii Tournament over New Years!
- I may not be here over New Years. Korea anyone?
- Peter Piper picked a pack of picked peppers. But why?
- Anyone else think that switching columns this week is a phenomenal idea?
The Thomas Jones/Cedric Benson Experience:
I’m sure some of you are expecting me to reference the TJ\CB situation in some way. I know it sucks for me, but I can’t even imagine how it feels to be
them. Together they were special, but separated they have fallen apart. They're like those annoying Mexican twins on Heroes.
I could easily go on and complain. But nobody wants to hear that. I get that. Nobody will feel sorry for me. I get that too. As long as it doesn’t happen to
you, it’s not your problem, and you won’t care. Of course, let somebody else’s guy go down and watch the message board posts fly.
Now let’s go random on individual teams:
PS – I love this. No recapping, no making predictions, just random stream of consciousness thoughts on each team…
anti-trust
Nickoli, how are your wedding plans coming!?… No disrespect, but when is your second half surge going to happen? I have a lot of predictions/claims at
stake here. You’re making me look bad buddy (and no, I’m not taking a dive when we play just so I can be right)… How awesome is Reggie Wayne? So
awesome. In fact, he and Gates (your two keepers) are your only two players over 100 to-date… Thoughts on me visiting you in Korea over the
holidays?… To quote you on the injury bug, “It's the worst.”…
Born To Run My Mouth
Rich has scored in the 80’s the last two weeks and is suffereing at the hands of Shaun Alexander. Perhaps the Madden Curse hurts your spirit too?
(Paging previous cover boys McNabb and Vick)… I want beads!... I’m getting daily BlackBerry IM (look who’s cool!) from Rich telling me that he’s going
to lose the next four games (vs. Cantor, Yeung, Brock and Lukin) and sulk into the playoffs with a 6-7 record. I say this: Relax Rich. The Bears are
going to make a comeback and you have Romo. The end is NOT near… I miss the Bayou. I want to go back for Mardi Gras, but that’s not going to
happen. Who’s up for Jazz fest?...
Brock’s Bandits
Boy, if you’re Brock you must have been dreaming this week for, um, weeks. No Brady. No Moss. I mean those two guys have scored 42.5% of all your
points and they are taking a break this week? Their replacements? Let’s just call them Minus 221 and Minus 124 - as in they have scored that many
points LESS than Brady and Moss… Sorry about putting you on the cover page of the website shirtless. I know you can take a joke, but that would have
bothered me. Maybe because I have a horrible self image of, um, myself… Having Santonio Holmes blow up last week for 110 and 2 TD’s was a clear
sign that the rich are just getting richer (or is it Rich-er, since Holmes took all of Wards chances of getting Rich the win?)… I heart Saco, Maine. It's a
must visit in 2008...
BushMarony07
I can’t watch a Ravens game without thinking about Josh. I felt so bad you had to be out in the rain on Monday night in Pittsburgh (although I did enjoy
recounting the tale of the time we saw the Ravens\Steelers play in Pitt and decided to get a hotel room when it started to snow. I remember how proud
you and I were that we had made an “adult” decision. You remember that night Jason – It was the night you lost your second ROFF Bowl in a row)…
Speaking of the Ravens, how bad do they look? I know they are 4-4, but they don’t act like it. McNair looks like he could care less… Reggie Bush has
looked great of late for Josh. Now if he can get a solid Maroney back after the bye (and get NE to start running and stop passing), he might be a strong
contender to win it all… How’s the Misses? Baltimore?...
Fighting Blue Crabs
What’s to say about Gregg and his team? They are the most schizophrenic team in the league. Big days. Little days. You just never know which team
he's going to play. Luckily this week, breaking 80 might be enough to take down Big Bad Brock … Celebrated Gregg’s 30th in style this past weekend
in Baltimore. Can anyone say "Rock And Bowl"… Did you guys see all the big moves the O’s have been making this off-season so far? Yeah, me
neither… I love Peyton Manning. Not only is he awesome at football, he was also great on SNL and will one day be a better broadcaster than Dan
Marino and Boomer on CBS. I just hope he doesn’t go into the ESPN hole… I bought Ratatouille on DVD for the next time you visit…
Five Second Stare
Don’t tell anyone, but Jay has won 4 in a row. And not some dinky teams. He scratched out a victory of Nomads, got lucky with a win over the Crabs
(and you know it – to score 74 and win is PURE LUCK), but then absolutely dominated Nose… Peterson may be the real deal, but will he break down by
the end of the year? He is a rook after all… Cantor is a very pretty man. Don’t believe me? Just ask that dirty pirate hooker. And all the 14-year-old
girls in his class… Which jersey will be worn this weekend? Busting out Joe circa 1972?
Hungry Horses
Why not Hungry Hippos? The mascot would have been easy to do… That Cutler injury kinda hurts. As much or more than Harrison (who might be
back… soon… I hope)… My entire team for Westbrook\Addai!… If the writers strike, what do writers assistants due?… Dude, the playoffs are within
your reach. Now go get it and get there! The taste of Five’s 96-54 defeat in the second round of the 2003 playoffs must still linger… If my balls were as
big as yours, do you think I would have a girlfriend too? Don’t answer too quickly. Think about your balls. Yeah, nice… Really enjoyed that Family Guy
got your two hair lines in the show, but annoyed you looked so bald…
New Jersey Jacobins
How are YOUR wedding plans coming?… Sorry I kept picking you to win. Guess I just wanted to believe your team was better than they actually were
(NOT A DIG!!!)… Very excited to see you this weekend for football in the park… I need a RB too… For those who want to rip on Dave’s team this year, I
would remind you that he was 8.6 points away from winning the ROFF Bowl in 2005. Very few of us can say that we were in the ROFF Bowl… What
happened to Donovan? He had that one amazing game. Now he just looks like he’s getting ready for his next injury…
The Next Google
Scott has not lost more than 6 games since the 2003 season. I know, sad him, right? But seriously, imagine having that many good years in a row and
seeing them all go up in smoke. It’s like being a Philadelphia Eagles fan these days… Sarku Japan for lunch on Friday?… Did you know that in the top
10 points ever scored Scott owns 2 teams (the most of any owner) – His ’05 team ranks 4 and his 2004 teams ranks 10. Lukin’s ’04 team is number one
with 1,634.86… Scott also has the only team ever to go 12-1 in a season. The next best? Six teams tied at 10-3… How awesome is YOUR Wii?…
Nomads in the Deep
I like Navid, but haven’t heard much from him this year. It must be a college thing… Navid has scored below 80 points in three of his nine games this
year, and below 100 in five. Put that in perspective: Last year he scored below 100 only four times, and below 80 just once… That 'frow just gets bigger
everytime I see you… What the f happened to Mr. Dependable, Larry Johnson?… Yes, I want Roeth, but I can’t afford him!… I want nuts!!!…
Nose
Seriously, he has a huge snozz… If you don’t count his freshman year, Jarrett has quietly (yes, I did choose that word specifically) taken his teams to
.600 or better records…. Seriously, I love my Orioles cap Jarrett. Let me know if you need some more Nick stuff. I love to barter… Before this past
weekend, I tried very hard to trade Jarrett my boy Joe Jurevicius for Dunn. Let's be honest, while TJ/CB are not the best RBs in the league, they're even
worse when one is on a bye. When I couldn't get him to pull the trigger (and it’s not his fault - we had some fine negotiations. Just didn't happen), I went
with Buckhalter (insert Gregg Moore 2003 joke here). Buck got me 3 - not great, but it got me the win (literally). Dunn would have made me sleep a lot
easier on Monday night… Think Cantors right? Engaged by the Holidays?…
Random Thoughts
I like writing your article. Whatever pops in my head, I just write it down… I have your umbrella… Potato... Boy, what a bust Jackson has been. Mr. I’m
Going to Run For 2400 Yards. Boo. That should go into the Fantasy Football Hall of Shame. I think that Daunte Culpepper (circa 2006) should induct
him… I want to see American Gangster, but everyone already saw it. Date night?… Calvin Johnson hasn’t really paid off this year, and I got laid. So it’s
a win-win…
Shermtanks
You. Are. Going. Down. This. Weekend. Into. And. Through. Wednesday. Seriously… You know, you started 5-4 last year too. But you didn’t have to
face me in the second half of the season. We’ll now you do and I’m hungry for a BEAT DOWN. Here comes Corell. Be scared. Be very scared… How
awesome is OUR Wii?… Don’t lie – You’re loving that Drew Brees resurgence, but are getting more and more frustrated by Tomlinson every day. Oh
and he plays Indy this week. Yikes… Can I go to karaoke one day?…
That’s all I got folks. If you haven’t already, it’s time to make your move if you think you have a chance. (ie: TRADE ME A RUNNING BACK!)
Oh, right – So how did I know the girl? Well, I stared and stared. And then it hit me. And then I started to giggle.
Ever heard of CollegeFuckFest.com?
Let’s just say, she wasn’t… but she totally looked like she was.
And for the record: I totally pussed out and regret it to this very second…
Good luck to you all… I hope you avoid your own TJ\CB (and pussying out on a faux porn star) experience.