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First off, congratulations to Richard Kiss on his engagement. He is the newest member of the ROFFL engaged club, joining Jarrett Blass. Rich is
replacing Dave Allocco as club treasurer, whereas Jarrett replaced Nick Serrano as club president.
This is great news on many levels:
PS – It has come to my attention that after the announcement was made, Marc Epstein sent out a memo updating the status of all league members
(single/married/engaged/in a relationship, etc…). Much like the Brett Favre/Detroit Lions story, according to an inside source, Marc then made the
comment that he found it unusual that all of the good looking people in the league were single. How he made the determination of who is good looking
or not is beyond me and I really don’t want to think about it more than I have to. (Shivers)
Back to the soon to be happy groom: Now as any good writer would do, I contacted Rich’s assistant (aka his mom) to setup an appointment with Rich to
talk about the recent developments. So after a fun game of phone tag, I finally got in touch with Rich to talk about it. And although we never got around
to actually talking about how he proposed, there were a few very important topics discussed. For example, we talked about how he wasn’t going to invite
me to the wedding, yet still expected a gift. Then he said he might invite me to the wedding, so as to get a more generous gift, which I would have to
send prior to the wedding. Once the gift was received, he would then disinvite me with the excuse being “The number on the guest list got too big and
we had to disinvite some people.” And lastly, he suggested that he invite me, but tell me the wrong date of the wedding. So needless to say, I’m very
excited about this wedding in New Orleans. I need to make dinner plans with Drew Brees while I’m down there.
But all jokes aside, Rich did tell me that he didn’t like my last column. He said nobody wants to be positive. Reading that crap makes him sick and he
prefers the old columns where I’m extremely negative and just make fun of everybody.
So, now I’m torn. On one hand, I’m trying to change and become more positive in my everyday life. On the other hand, I want to please my loyal readers
and give them what they want.
What to do, what to do…Compromise. I’ll be positive when I talk about everyone else. But I’ll be negative when I talk about Rich. I’m glad we were able to
work that through.
On a serious note, I realize last weeks article was a little over the top. So let’s try and return to some degree of normalcy.
In honor of Scott Watson…more bullet points:
if you watch one episode you will get hooked.
Because only I care about your teams:
Marc Epstein – Just when you thought Larry Johnson might be helpful, he goes off and gets suspended. I feel your pain and frustration Marc. It sucks to
spend a high draft pick on a guy who is not consistent and makes you want to bench him. But at least you are still fighting and have playoffs hopes.
Jay Cantor – The Brian Yeung guarantee of the week. Jay Cantor gets his first victory of the year with a win over Chris Brockman. Chris will then have
Jay on his podcast for his owner interview portion, where he will attack Jay’s character for no reason other than bitterness.
Parker Deay – I think I recall Parker saying on his podcast interview with Chris that he was worried about Westbrook and Addai, because they were so
heavily hyped that they had nowhere to go but down. And seven weeks into the season, Parker sits below .500 because that came true. Westbrook has
been fantastic when he has played, but he’s been injured and will probably have to deal with the injuries the rest of the season. And Addai has found
little running rooms thanks to Peyton’s injury and opposing defenses daring Peyton to throw. And now he’s injured too. Just some tough luck for Parker
in his quest to repeat. On the brightside, Parker may get both back healthy and rested just in time for the playoffs. Be warned everybody.
Dave Allocco – I am just as amazed as everyone else is (Dave included) that after seven weeks, Dave is sitting in third place. I honestly don’t think Dave
would be doing any better with Brady, because Orton has been that good. Yea, I said it. Kyle Orton has been putting up Brady like numbers. What a
great pickup by Dave. However, word is that Brady had another surgery and is dealing with an infection that could delay his rehab. That could affect his
keeper status for next year.
Nick Serrano – Talk about a close victory on Monday night. A garbage touchdown by some guy named BenJarvus Green-Ellis, led to an extra point kick
by Stephen Gostkowski and a .71 victory for team fair trade. And this is exactly why I want to retire from this league. Too much heartache and pain over
a fake game, and there is nothing you can do to make yourself better or brush it off.
Chris Rosenthall – Can you tell me why the Redskins defense can’t sack anybody or cause any turnovers? I thought they brought in Jason Taylor for a
reason. Anyway, I am dizzyingly excited to follow week 11’s match-up between Chris and Jay in what could be a battle for the toilet bowl.
Rich Kiss – Here’s something for Marc to look up. What are the records of league members after they announce they are getting married? I am going to
start keeping track beginning this weekend. Rich can be my test study on my new research article “The effects on your fantasy football team after
getting engaged.”
Chris Brockman – How are you 5-2? No, seriously? Is this the fantasy gods way of paying you back for all your hard work on the podcast. Or did you
catch one of the fantasy gods sleeping with somebody’s wife and this is your form of blackmail.
On a separate note, you already have Matt Cassell and Matt Ryan. I wish you had picked up Matt Hasselback, Matt Schaub, and Matt Leinart thus
giving you a monopoly over all white QB’s named Matt. If you really wanted to go all out, you could pick up Matt Baker (backup QB for the Buffalo Bills),
Matt Moore (backup QB for Carolina), Matt Flynn (backup for Green Bay) and Matt Gutierrez (backup to Matt Cassell). Then rename your team “Matty.”
Scott Watson – I have decided that when I get my first victory against you next year, or in the year 2030, I will celebrate by announcing my immediate
retirement. So for all of you wondering why I keep losing to Scott, it’s because I’m not ready to announce my retirement.
As of right now, Scott and Jason appear to be on a collision course for the Gregg Moore Trophy. It would be a rematch of their epic week four match-
up, where Scott threw up 174 points and Jason scored ‘only’ 121.
Navid Sadri – As I was watching Monday nights game, I could picture you worrying and panicking all Sunday and Monday morning/afternoon (as my
team jumped out to an early lead). Then I can picture you realizing that Scheffler was inactive and I couldn’t add a replacement in time to switch my
lineup, and you then letting out a sigh of relief as you figured B.Marshall/E.Royal would easily throw up 25+ points. Only then to watch New England
race out to an early lead, see Cutler leave the game, and have B.Marshall/E.Royal only combining for 5 catches and 50 yards in the first half, thus
causing you to pace around your apartment nervously, while complaining to Scott Watson. And then as the second half began, Denver ditched the run
game and started throwing on every down, you exhaled. Checked off another victory for your dynasty. Kissed your two championship plaques
goodnight. And had a goodnights sleep.
And that is why Navid and I can never be friends.
Josh Lukin – The leader in the race for the title of ‘most transactions’. Josh is ahead of Jarrett by nine transactions.
Jarrett Blass – Seriously dude. You need to start picking up more players if you have any chance of passing him on the leaderboard for ‘most
transactions’.
(Sorry, Josh and Jarrett. No offense intended on your short write-ups. But I just burnt my finger and it hurts to type).
Jason Sherman – The battle of the last two ROFBL champions. A must win for me. I get the sense that Jason is looking past me towards his next week
match-up against defending ROFFL champ, Parker Deay. So I must take advantage and surprise Jason. I need this win bad.
Good luck everyone.
PS – A special thanks to Marc Epstein, Dave Allocco, Parker Deay, and Jason Sherman for being truly great friends.
replacing Dave Allocco as club treasurer, whereas Jarrett replaced Nick Serrano as club president.
This is great news on many levels:
- One - like Chris Brockman said on his podcast, it proves that Rich is not gay (not that we had any doubts Rich).
- Two - it gives us another reason to all get together and celebrate.
- Three - with Mardi Gras and the Kiss-Krum (?) wedding of 2009, we now have two reasons to go to New Orleans.
- And lastly, with a stud like Rich Kiss off the dating market, the rest of the guys in this league can finally have a shot at finding love.
PS – It has come to my attention that after the announcement was made, Marc Epstein sent out a memo updating the status of all league members
(single/married/engaged/in a relationship, etc…). Much like the Brett Favre/Detroit Lions story, according to an inside source, Marc then made the
comment that he found it unusual that all of the good looking people in the league were single. How he made the determination of who is good looking
or not is beyond me and I really don’t want to think about it more than I have to. (Shivers)
Back to the soon to be happy groom: Now as any good writer would do, I contacted Rich’s assistant (aka his mom) to setup an appointment with Rich to
talk about the recent developments. So after a fun game of phone tag, I finally got in touch with Rich to talk about it. And although we never got around
to actually talking about how he proposed, there were a few very important topics discussed. For example, we talked about how he wasn’t going to invite
me to the wedding, yet still expected a gift. Then he said he might invite me to the wedding, so as to get a more generous gift, which I would have to
send prior to the wedding. Once the gift was received, he would then disinvite me with the excuse being “The number on the guest list got too big and
we had to disinvite some people.” And lastly, he suggested that he invite me, but tell me the wrong date of the wedding. So needless to say, I’m very
excited about this wedding in New Orleans. I need to make dinner plans with Drew Brees while I’m down there.
But all jokes aside, Rich did tell me that he didn’t like my last column. He said nobody wants to be positive. Reading that crap makes him sick and he
prefers the old columns where I’m extremely negative and just make fun of everybody.
So, now I’m torn. On one hand, I’m trying to change and become more positive in my everyday life. On the other hand, I want to please my loyal readers
and give them what they want.
What to do, what to do…Compromise. I’ll be positive when I talk about everyone else. But I’ll be negative when I talk about Rich. I’m glad we were able to
work that through.
On a serious note, I realize last weeks article was a little over the top. So let’s try and return to some degree of normalcy.
In honor of Scott Watson…more bullet points:
- According to Brock’s podcast, you can catch the latest Friday Night Lights episodes online at www.surfthechannel.com. I don’t know if I should
wait for the episodes to air on NBC or watch them online? What do you think?
if you watch one episode you will get hooked.
- If you can’t tell, I am trying to get reader feedback. I wonder if I anyone responds to any of my questions in here.
- I hope somebody send Brock something for his mailbag. I couldn’t think of anything funny or worthwhile to ask him.
- Spoiler alert. Alan Grey’s character died on Entourage. Sorry Chris.
- Contrary to rumors posted in recent podcasts, Jason Sherman is actually a pretty busy guy.
- We got 14 people to sign up for Fantasy Basketball. A good portion of them are Brock’s friends, but I think we got a good ten people from the
league. Thanks to everyone for signing up. Draft is this Sunday night at 7pm EST. Good luck to all. Do not let Jason repeat.
- I agree with Marc. I should not be 2-5. If there were such a thing as fantasy defensive scoring (i.e. how much your opponent scores against you
each week), I think I’d be like the Detroit Lions. I can’t stop the run or the pass, nor can I get to the quarterback. It’s frustrating. I think I need to
switch to a cover 2 defense, because the 3-4 is not working…you know fantasy speaking.
- I would like to throw out a suggestion. For playoffs, top eight scoring teams make it. Sorry Jarrett.
- When are we going to play football in Central Park?
- No, seriously? When are we going to play?
- I haven’t seen Navid, Scott, Jarrett, Jay Cantor, or Brian Sherman in months. We all need to get together one of these days. Whether on the field
or out one night.
- Britney’s new song! Good or Bad? Thoughts?
- Britney’s new video! Hot or Not?
- I need to find more songs to listen to. No offense Brock, but I listen to the podcast so much I know the owner interview portions by heart.
- I wasn’t surprised to find out that Sarah Chalke (Scrubs) was not the mother of “How I Met Your Mother”. But it was a sad episode nonetheless.
- (HIMYM reference) Ted Moseby reminds me of Marc Epstein. Jay Cantor could be Barney Stinson. Marshall would have to be Josh Lukin.
- I haven’t been to the movies in so long. I want to see Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Max Payne, Righteous Kill, Eagle Eye, Burn After Reading…I
need to move near Jay Cantor so we can be Sunday afternoon matinee movie buddies.
Because only I care about your teams:
Marc Epstein – Just when you thought Larry Johnson might be helpful, he goes off and gets suspended. I feel your pain and frustration Marc. It sucks to
spend a high draft pick on a guy who is not consistent and makes you want to bench him. But at least you are still fighting and have playoffs hopes.
Jay Cantor – The Brian Yeung guarantee of the week. Jay Cantor gets his first victory of the year with a win over Chris Brockman. Chris will then have
Jay on his podcast for his owner interview portion, where he will attack Jay’s character for no reason other than bitterness.
Parker Deay – I think I recall Parker saying on his podcast interview with Chris that he was worried about Westbrook and Addai, because they were so
heavily hyped that they had nowhere to go but down. And seven weeks into the season, Parker sits below .500 because that came true. Westbrook has
been fantastic when he has played, but he’s been injured and will probably have to deal with the injuries the rest of the season. And Addai has found
little running rooms thanks to Peyton’s injury and opposing defenses daring Peyton to throw. And now he’s injured too. Just some tough luck for Parker
in his quest to repeat. On the brightside, Parker may get both back healthy and rested just in time for the playoffs. Be warned everybody.
Dave Allocco – I am just as amazed as everyone else is (Dave included) that after seven weeks, Dave is sitting in third place. I honestly don’t think Dave
would be doing any better with Brady, because Orton has been that good. Yea, I said it. Kyle Orton has been putting up Brady like numbers. What a
great pickup by Dave. However, word is that Brady had another surgery and is dealing with an infection that could delay his rehab. That could affect his
keeper status for next year.
Nick Serrano – Talk about a close victory on Monday night. A garbage touchdown by some guy named BenJarvus Green-Ellis, led to an extra point kick
by Stephen Gostkowski and a .71 victory for team fair trade. And this is exactly why I want to retire from this league. Too much heartache and pain over
a fake game, and there is nothing you can do to make yourself better or brush it off.
Chris Rosenthall – Can you tell me why the Redskins defense can’t sack anybody or cause any turnovers? I thought they brought in Jason Taylor for a
reason. Anyway, I am dizzyingly excited to follow week 11’s match-up between Chris and Jay in what could be a battle for the toilet bowl.
Rich Kiss – Here’s something for Marc to look up. What are the records of league members after they announce they are getting married? I am going to
start keeping track beginning this weekend. Rich can be my test study on my new research article “The effects on your fantasy football team after
getting engaged.”
Chris Brockman – How are you 5-2? No, seriously? Is this the fantasy gods way of paying you back for all your hard work on the podcast. Or did you
catch one of the fantasy gods sleeping with somebody’s wife and this is your form of blackmail.
On a separate note, you already have Matt Cassell and Matt Ryan. I wish you had picked up Matt Hasselback, Matt Schaub, and Matt Leinart thus
giving you a monopoly over all white QB’s named Matt. If you really wanted to go all out, you could pick up Matt Baker (backup QB for the Buffalo Bills),
Matt Moore (backup QB for Carolina), Matt Flynn (backup for Green Bay) and Matt Gutierrez (backup to Matt Cassell). Then rename your team “Matty.”
Scott Watson – I have decided that when I get my first victory against you next year, or in the year 2030, I will celebrate by announcing my immediate
retirement. So for all of you wondering why I keep losing to Scott, it’s because I’m not ready to announce my retirement.
As of right now, Scott and Jason appear to be on a collision course for the Gregg Moore Trophy. It would be a rematch of their epic week four match-
up, where Scott threw up 174 points and Jason scored ‘only’ 121.
Navid Sadri – As I was watching Monday nights game, I could picture you worrying and panicking all Sunday and Monday morning/afternoon (as my
team jumped out to an early lead). Then I can picture you realizing that Scheffler was inactive and I couldn’t add a replacement in time to switch my
lineup, and you then letting out a sigh of relief as you figured B.Marshall/E.Royal would easily throw up 25+ points. Only then to watch New England
race out to an early lead, see Cutler leave the game, and have B.Marshall/E.Royal only combining for 5 catches and 50 yards in the first half, thus
causing you to pace around your apartment nervously, while complaining to Scott Watson. And then as the second half began, Denver ditched the run
game and started throwing on every down, you exhaled. Checked off another victory for your dynasty. Kissed your two championship plaques
goodnight. And had a goodnights sleep.
And that is why Navid and I can never be friends.
Josh Lukin – The leader in the race for the title of ‘most transactions’. Josh is ahead of Jarrett by nine transactions.
Jarrett Blass – Seriously dude. You need to start picking up more players if you have any chance of passing him on the leaderboard for ‘most
transactions’.
(Sorry, Josh and Jarrett. No offense intended on your short write-ups. But I just burnt my finger and it hurts to type).
Jason Sherman – The battle of the last two ROFBL champions. A must win for me. I get the sense that Jason is looking past me towards his next week
match-up against defending ROFFL champ, Parker Deay. So I must take advantage and surprise Jason. I need this win bad.
Good luck everyone.
PS – A special thanks to Marc Epstein, Dave Allocco, Parker Deay, and Jason Sherman for being truly great friends.