beatdowns. Three teams remain undefeated (seriously – Dave, Jarrett and Scott???) and three teams reamin winless
(seriously – the Jason’s and Nick???). That leaves 8 of us at 1-1 and almost a whole season to go.
Well, not really. With 2 weeks down and 11 to go, some teams have already gone into panic mode. Four teams failed to score
100+ points, with only one resulting in a win (but who won it?). Trade rumors are flying, Sherman is on suicide watch, and
Jarrett’s head is swelling too big.
I love this time of year.
Hit me:
Tools Get Handed a Bloody Nose
It was bloody like a 12 year old girl on her period for the first time, not realizing what was happening, wearing white AFTER
Labor Day in the middle of her drama class, where she has to deliver the James Earl Jones monologue from Field of Dreams
under a single sport light - “OH people will come Ray…” Nose has had my number twice since Jarrett took the reigns, and
neither win made me happy. Both were week 2 smackdowns by 20 something points. Of course, I went on to make the
playoffs, and Nose ended winning 2 of his last 10. I’m not bitter, but I guarantee here and now, that I will prevent the Jarrett
Blass hat trick, no matter what the costs.
Quakers Survive Five Pathetic Seconds (Or Did He?)
Sure I called it my SAFE BET OF THE WEEK. And until the utzes at Yahoo screwed it up, Cantor had the win and I was right
(PS – If Cantor does get the win in the end, Swami will swing from 3-4 to 4-3. Go Taylor!). But let’s look beyond the win and the
loss: It just wasn’t pretty, that’s for sure. The teams combined for 154.88 points, the lowest scoring game of the week, and the
second lowest of the season (congrats to Nose and propoganda – that week one 77.56 – 73.77 matchup really set the bar).
While 5 struggled with everyone but LT, it was Quakers sole +15 performer Fred Taylor who wins the award for
MISCALULATION OF THE WEEK. Congrats. Hey, week 2 is no time to panic, and look for Deay’s WR’s (Johnson, Harrison and
McCardell) to have a better year then this week showed.
This Time, The Wall Doesn’t Fall
It was FOREIGN WAR 2005, and boy did it disappoint. (are my postings getting meaner? Sorry, that comes with losing) The
Belgians posted solid numbers, including 35 from his RB’s, 14 from his kicker (!) and 19 from 13th round draft pick, the Colt’s
D. Meanwhile propogranda continues to prove my theory – YOU MUST BE THERE ON DRAFT DAY! (sorry Nick, I know you
were in Russia and all, but that excuse is getting old) Gates finally showed up with 16 and the McAllister/Davis combination of
28 surpassed weeks 1 total of 24. But the game was lost in the WR’s – Bruce lead the way with 9, but Jackson’s 1.7 and Moore
ZERO did nothing to support the Communist cause.
Nomads Win in A Close One (Part 1)
Camels beating Horses? What has the world come to? I need some water. Yes, our champ got his first win this week, beating a
surprisingly strong Colt’s team, whose box score reads in descending order: 31 – Farve. 22- Johnson. 18 – Mason. 9 – Portis.
7 – Graham. 5 – Akers. 4 - Wash D. In the end it was only 3 points that separated the two. Nomads dragged Hasselbeck onto
the field for a second time and saw him score 24. Steve Smith returned to earth with 9, while Houshmandzadeh doubled week 1’
s output with 22. Don Driver proved he can easily replace Javon as the number 1 (19), and Holmes (15) – who went down for a
minute – proved that LJ will have to wait his turn.
Jaco Does It Again
This is so weird. It looks like Dave is 2-0 and dominating the league with an average of 120 points in the last two games, and
Sherman is 0-2 and on his way to his first toilet bowl (now there’s an award I wouldn’t mind coming in second for) with an
average of 93.08 points per game. This can’t be right. It also says Peyton Manning and Jamal Lewis (keepers, for goodness
sake) were only worth 4 each. Meanwhile, Watson’s present to Dave (I think they call him RAN-dy) comes up with his second
19 point game. Actually, consistency seems to be the name of the game for the Jacobins with Rod Smith getting 13 point in
both weeks, Bennett hitting 8 and 6 in week 1 and 2 respectively, Tiki getting 16 and 18 this year, Gonzalez at 7’s both weeks,
the Giants D - surprise of the year – comes up with 20+ again and Vinatieri is a perfect 6 points in both weeks. Erie, but if he
keeps this up, he could be a very happy man for weeks to come.
Bandits Win This Close One
Brock was a champion in 2001. That was before the whole trophy, AC live draft, books, websites and all that jazz. Since then,
he hasn’t had it so easy, going 3-10 in ’02 and ’04. He had a nice 9-4 season in ’03, but got booted out in round 1 of the
playoffs. This year didn’t look promising; Toilet Bowl Champ Jacobins scratched out a 1.5 point win last week. But he somehow
turned it around this week, scratching out a win himself – this time just under 2 points… in his favor. On the receiving end:
Blade Brown. Brown’s team wasn’t all that solid, what with the only big numbers coming from Collins, Owens and the Chi D (you
read that right), but it was an underperforming Corey Dillon and a negative points producing Watson (damn you New England)
that guaranteed the loss. Meanwhile the Bandits showed that slow and steady win the race, with no one going above and
beyond – they just performed. Brady (14), Holt (14), Branch (12), Alexander (18) and McMichael (19) proved that numbers add
up.
Ravens Fall, Culpepper Benched (or should be)
Whoever called this QB SHOWDOWN 2005 was an idiot. And yes, I know it was me. McNabb bounced back from mediocrity last
week with a “Culpepper 2004” showing of 42 points. Meanwhile, Culpepper looked like “Kerry Collins 2004” (didn’t Lukin have
him too?) with 5 interception’s, and a 9 point showing – and a 36 passer rating (the worst of his career). MwR saw problems
elsewhere with McGahee (3.2), Miller (who didn’t touch the ball - 0) and - WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS MAN A KICKER –
Scobee (3). MwR needs to see Culpepper reawaken, or turn to David Carr, whose 19 points this year is only a touchdown
better than Culpepper. On the other side, our NO boy got his first win, not solely on the arms of McNabb (B2R wins by .04
without McNabb). His new Cadillac posted 14 points (his second 10+ game), and Green, Coles, Lelie and the Carolina D all
contributed 10 or more. A big game for our man down in ‘rleans.
Best of luck to everyone this week.
Swami – who went 3-4 or 4-3 this week – will have his predications entered by Friday night.
