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This is why I should never write a “stats” article until the end or beginning of the year. Because as soon as I open my big
mouth, something bigger happens and then I have to go and revise everything I have.
Speaking of, Jason dragged me to a Hebrew class this past week. As much as I didn’t want to go, knew that it would be
something interesting and useful for my many hours spent in temple. Little did I know that it would be run by a wack-job. He
was insane! He kept talking about hating (“NO LOVING!”) his father and how he loves words.
…it’s one of those things you have to witness to understand (6:30, Tuesday’s at the Y… stop by).
The point is this: Don’t expect overly nice things to be said here about Jason and the 192 point performance. Not after
having to listen to wack-job talk about Hebrew for two hours…
Tools Come Close – Oh So Close
If I had scored 192, I would have won. If Chester had gotten a TD, I would have won. If the Chicago D had played anywhere
close to the way they had played the previous 8 weeks… If Portis had scored on that fourth and goal… If Saturn and Venus
had aligned in orbit… If a screen pass counted as a pass… If Heap had scored… If banana’s were always ripe and never
not… If Brees had kept it to just two TD’s… If Johnson got hurt… If Buffalo had pounded on Green Bay a little more… well
then I would have won. And Navid would have lost.
Five Takes It By 50
I looked into it: Even with a pathetic showing by the Chicago D this week, Baltimore still ranks second on the list. And that’s
with three defensive TD’s in the last two weeks. Of course, that is Lukin’s bright spot. Failures of his WR core to come close
to matching Baltimore 17 pretty much did him in. He didn’t stand much of a chance against Five’s 133 points. Bulger,
Galloway, Driver and the Buff D went over 20 each and pretty much made up for the lack of productivity by Talyor, Wiggins
and Wilkins. This one was supposed to be close… it wasn’t.
Bandits Fall
After winning his 3 of his last 4, Bandit’s stumble here, with their lowest showing of the year (although he has had scored
below 80 two other times this season winning one, and losing the other). Of course, this was the week to score against
Ballers who were missing Coles, Westbrook and Smith. Luckily for OC, it didn’t matter, with Damon Huard winning the
starting job in KC\OC with a 24 point showing, and recent acquisition Kevin Jones' proving he was worth the trade with 25.
Shermtanks Roll Big. Really, Really Big
Ah yes, the recap everyone has been waiting for, the one where I harp on the horrible performance by Antonia Bryant (3.6)
and Nate Kaeding (6) and nothing more. Nope, nothing else happened. Not a damn thing. Oh except for the mild killing of
Born AND Born’s highest points record. Yeah, THAT JUST HAPPENED. (A quick Born note: 104 is great and a fine fight.
You should be proud that Colston got you 25… but no one could have beaten Sherman this week. Shake it off and rebound
next week bud). So where do I begin? Do I mention the 10 TD’s his team scored, including multiple TD days for 4 people –
AND NONE OF THOSE TD’S WERE FROM HIS QB!?!?! Do I mention the 20+ point showing by Curtis, Parker, Gonzo and
the Seattle D, or do I mention the 30+ day from Walker AND Tomlinson? No? Don’t even say that one more TD catch, four
more sacks… anything equaling 8 points would have put him in the stratosphere of 200 points – an absolutely unheard of
number. So the game was played: Sherman dominated Born and the league. The congrats are in. Yes, he just blew his
load all over the league… but now let the backlash start: Did he just blow his load too early? Discuss…
Dorfman Wins… Will Be Official on Friday
Brian likes these close games. I’m sure they give him no agita at all. Like when he was winning by 17 going into Monday
night, and Gregg only had Deion Branch to go. He had to know that Branch – even thought he’s averaged just 5.96 in four
of the five games since his return – would have a big day. After all, that’s how Brian’s season is going. Branch got the
points (14 on 4 catches for 61 yards and a TD), but came up just three shy of the win. Dorf not only got the win, but a little
glimmer of hope as Chambers (14) and Brown (14), not only lived up to their potential, but did it against the best D in the
land. Meanwhile, Moore continues to be plagued by inadequate RB’s and a D that has not lived up to it’s potential. The
game definitely builds hope for Dorf, but may has squashed it for the Crabs. We'll have to see how he does next week.
Steven Jackson Isn't Afraid of the Jersey Boys
The Jacobins have been very sporadic this year, shooting in the 70’s two times, the 90’s four times, and breaking 100 only
three times for various degrees (116, 130, and 151). This week, he reached 99 thanks to Barber’s entry into the endzone
for the first time this year and 19 points. But as much as Barber was a help, it was the opposing running back that cost him
the game. That man’s name: Steven MOTHERFUCKING Jackson. Jackson was a monster, running for just 86 yards and a
TD, but also catching 13 passes for 133 yards. Thanks to failures of his WR core, Nose needed every one of those Jackson
receptions to pull off the win.
labor Rises to the Challenge
In the first 6 weeks of the season, if Worms went over 100, he lost; under, he won. Then came a Week 7 loss to Nomads
where he only scored 85 points, followed by a 108 point showing and win in Week 8. So with momentum changing, he knew
it would take at least 100 points to beat labor. And indeed, it would have. While labor scraped together 98 on big days from
Romo, Dunn and San Diego (which of course in German means a whale's vagina), Worms couldn’t get it done. In fact, only
Kitna, Harrison (whose 29 returns him the elite WR ranks) and "No O'leans" could break into double digits. In fact, Horn and
Berrian – big men for Worms this year – suffered with lack or productivity (combined for less than 2) and injuries. Like
Dorf\Crabs, this game definitely builds hope for labor (into not being on the Toilet Bowl this year), but may has squashed it
for the Worms.
Best of luck to everyone this week.
Swami, 3-4 this week, will be have predictions entered by the Saturday night
mouth, something bigger happens and then I have to go and revise everything I have.
Speaking of, Jason dragged me to a Hebrew class this past week. As much as I didn’t want to go, knew that it would be
something interesting and useful for my many hours spent in temple. Little did I know that it would be run by a wack-job. He
was insane! He kept talking about hating (“NO LOVING!”) his father and how he loves words.
…it’s one of those things you have to witness to understand (6:30, Tuesday’s at the Y… stop by).
The point is this: Don’t expect overly nice things to be said here about Jason and the 192 point performance. Not after
having to listen to wack-job talk about Hebrew for two hours…
Tools Come Close – Oh So Close
If I had scored 192, I would have won. If Chester had gotten a TD, I would have won. If the Chicago D had played anywhere
close to the way they had played the previous 8 weeks… If Portis had scored on that fourth and goal… If Saturn and Venus
had aligned in orbit… If a screen pass counted as a pass… If Heap had scored… If banana’s were always ripe and never
not… If Brees had kept it to just two TD’s… If Johnson got hurt… If Buffalo had pounded on Green Bay a little more… well
then I would have won. And Navid would have lost.
Five Takes It By 50
I looked into it: Even with a pathetic showing by the Chicago D this week, Baltimore still ranks second on the list. And that’s
with three defensive TD’s in the last two weeks. Of course, that is Lukin’s bright spot. Failures of his WR core to come close
to matching Baltimore 17 pretty much did him in. He didn’t stand much of a chance against Five’s 133 points. Bulger,
Galloway, Driver and the Buff D went over 20 each and pretty much made up for the lack of productivity by Talyor, Wiggins
and Wilkins. This one was supposed to be close… it wasn’t.
Bandits Fall
After winning his 3 of his last 4, Bandit’s stumble here, with their lowest showing of the year (although he has had scored
below 80 two other times this season winning one, and losing the other). Of course, this was the week to score against
Ballers who were missing Coles, Westbrook and Smith. Luckily for OC, it didn’t matter, with Damon Huard winning the
starting job in KC\OC with a 24 point showing, and recent acquisition Kevin Jones' proving he was worth the trade with 25.
Shermtanks Roll Big. Really, Really Big
Ah yes, the recap everyone has been waiting for, the one where I harp on the horrible performance by Antonia Bryant (3.6)
and Nate Kaeding (6) and nothing more. Nope, nothing else happened. Not a damn thing. Oh except for the mild killing of
Born AND Born’s highest points record. Yeah, THAT JUST HAPPENED. (A quick Born note: 104 is great and a fine fight.
You should be proud that Colston got you 25… but no one could have beaten Sherman this week. Shake it off and rebound
next week bud). So where do I begin? Do I mention the 10 TD’s his team scored, including multiple TD days for 4 people –
AND NONE OF THOSE TD’S WERE FROM HIS QB!?!?! Do I mention the 20+ point showing by Curtis, Parker, Gonzo and
the Seattle D, or do I mention the 30+ day from Walker AND Tomlinson? No? Don’t even say that one more TD catch, four
more sacks… anything equaling 8 points would have put him in the stratosphere of 200 points – an absolutely unheard of
number. So the game was played: Sherman dominated Born and the league. The congrats are in. Yes, he just blew his
load all over the league… but now let the backlash start: Did he just blow his load too early? Discuss…
Dorfman Wins… Will Be Official on Friday
Brian likes these close games. I’m sure they give him no agita at all. Like when he was winning by 17 going into Monday
night, and Gregg only had Deion Branch to go. He had to know that Branch – even thought he’s averaged just 5.96 in four
of the five games since his return – would have a big day. After all, that’s how Brian’s season is going. Branch got the
points (14 on 4 catches for 61 yards and a TD), but came up just three shy of the win. Dorf not only got the win, but a little
glimmer of hope as Chambers (14) and Brown (14), not only lived up to their potential, but did it against the best D in the
land. Meanwhile, Moore continues to be plagued by inadequate RB’s and a D that has not lived up to it’s potential. The
game definitely builds hope for Dorf, but may has squashed it for the Crabs. We'll have to see how he does next week.
Steven Jackson Isn't Afraid of the Jersey Boys
The Jacobins have been very sporadic this year, shooting in the 70’s two times, the 90’s four times, and breaking 100 only
three times for various degrees (116, 130, and 151). This week, he reached 99 thanks to Barber’s entry into the endzone
for the first time this year and 19 points. But as much as Barber was a help, it was the opposing running back that cost him
the game. That man’s name: Steven MOTHERFUCKING Jackson. Jackson was a monster, running for just 86 yards and a
TD, but also catching 13 passes for 133 yards. Thanks to failures of his WR core, Nose needed every one of those Jackson
receptions to pull off the win.
labor Rises to the Challenge
In the first 6 weeks of the season, if Worms went over 100, he lost; under, he won. Then came a Week 7 loss to Nomads
where he only scored 85 points, followed by a 108 point showing and win in Week 8. So with momentum changing, he knew
it would take at least 100 points to beat labor. And indeed, it would have. While labor scraped together 98 on big days from
Romo, Dunn and San Diego (which of course in German means a whale's vagina), Worms couldn’t get it done. In fact, only
Kitna, Harrison (whose 29 returns him the elite WR ranks) and "No O'leans" could break into double digits. In fact, Horn and
Berrian – big men for Worms this year – suffered with lack or productivity (combined for less than 2) and injuries. Like
Dorf\Crabs, this game definitely builds hope for labor (into not being on the Toilet Bowl this year), but may has squashed it
for the Worms.
Best of luck to everyone this week.
Swami, 3-4 this week, will be have predictions entered by the Saturday night
