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An actual conversation from Friday night, during which I
attempted to book a flight to New Orleans with American Airlines
over the phone:
Me: Hi, I had a question about a rate I saw online yesterday.
Bitch: Well first of all, I won’t be able to help you because the
computers are down.
Me: OK…can I ask a general question? I saw a rate yesterday and –
Bitch: Let me guess, it went up today?
Me: Yeah…is there any way I can still get that rate?
Bitch: No, I’m sorry.
Me: So there is no way that I can pay anything less than what I’m seeing
online right now?
Bitch: Nope.
Me: So there is nothing in this universe that can transpire that will lower
this rate from what I’m seeing right now.
Bitch: No, I’m sorry.
Me: So from this day forward, this rate will do nothing but increase.
Bitch: That is correct.
Me: Fuck you, stupid whore.
One of the most overrated magazines of our time. Aside from the
hot women, there is nothing of substance. What a waste of paper.
Yes, last year I was a Ghostbuster and had a fucking blast. Nearly
400 pictures documented the experience I shared with Marc,
Jarrett, Jay, Gregg, and the patrons of the karaoke bar who
witnessed the performance of the year. Despite this, I still hate
this holiday. I will not get dressed up this year, and I will
continue to make fun of all of those who do. Except the ladies,
who can dress up as anything they want as long as it’s slutty, and
they can get away with it.
MISSING since Week 2. Please refer him back to Shermtank
headquarters if you should find him.
Matt, meet the waiver wire…waiver wire, meet Matt.
What the FUCK!?
As bad as I felt as a Yankee fan after our loss in the Division
Series, I feel a lot worse for Mets fans. You got what you needed
from Maine and Perez. Delgado was a beast. But in the end,
David Wright’s A-Rod impersonation, Beltran’s way-too-heavy bat
(the real reason he didn’t swing at the last pitch of his season),
and Willie Randolph’s questionable managerial decisions were
your ultimate downfall. See you in ’07.
Lucky Week number seven was unlucky for me. I am perpetually
in a state of Stock Down-ness. Someone save me from the flood.
attempted to book a flight to New Orleans with American Airlines
over the phone:
Me: Hi, I had a question about a rate I saw online yesterday.
Bitch: Well first of all, I won’t be able to help you because the
computers are down.
Me: OK…can I ask a general question? I saw a rate yesterday and –
Bitch: Let me guess, it went up today?
Me: Yeah…is there any way I can still get that rate?
Bitch: No, I’m sorry.
Me: So there is no way that I can pay anything less than what I’m seeing
online right now?
Bitch: Nope.
Me: So there is nothing in this universe that can transpire that will lower
this rate from what I’m seeing right now.
Bitch: No, I’m sorry.
Me: So from this day forward, this rate will do nothing but increase.
Bitch: That is correct.
Me: Fuck you, stupid whore.
One of the most overrated magazines of our time. Aside from the
hot women, there is nothing of substance. What a waste of paper.
Yes, last year I was a Ghostbuster and had a fucking blast. Nearly
400 pictures documented the experience I shared with Marc,
Jarrett, Jay, Gregg, and the patrons of the karaoke bar who
witnessed the performance of the year. Despite this, I still hate
this holiday. I will not get dressed up this year, and I will
continue to make fun of all of those who do. Except the ladies,
who can dress up as anything they want as long as it’s slutty, and
they can get away with it.
MISSING since Week 2. Please refer him back to Shermtank
headquarters if you should find him.
Matt, meet the waiver wire…waiver wire, meet Matt.
What the FUCK!?
As bad as I felt as a Yankee fan after our loss in the Division
Series, I feel a lot worse for Mets fans. You got what you needed
from Maine and Perez. Delgado was a beast. But in the end,
David Wright’s A-Rod impersonation, Beltran’s way-too-heavy bat
(the real reason he didn’t swing at the last pitch of his season),
and Willie Randolph’s questionable managerial decisions were
your ultimate downfall. See you in ’07.
Lucky Week number seven was unlucky for me. I am perpetually
in a state of Stock Down-ness. Someone save me from the flood.
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Again writing my article after the Sunday games, I have already
been dealt a loss – my second in a row, and fourth in my last
five. Concerned? A bit. But as soon as I stop playing teams
during their career weeks (Tools, LABOR POWER, Crabs), I might
actually pull some wins out. I’m scoring plenty of points…they
just aren’t translating into wins.
What a great store.
Living alone, I can continue to experience the joys of AC well
into late October.
I traded for him last year, couldn’t wait to NOT keep him this year,
and repeatedly bashed him as he opened this season with a few
shitty games. However, I am man enough to admit when I was
wrong. So…if Jones continues this way for the remainder of the
season, I will. Until then, I am right, and Jones has just been
lucky.
I can’t be the only one in the league who watches this show.
Stand up and declare your allegiance! Are you a Mario guy or a
Joey fan? Monique or Emmitt? Come on…don’t be ashamed.
Strangely enough, I’m mildly excited about participating this
year. And might it be possible to upgrade to a COLOR certificate
for the winner? Maybe even with gold foil?
My life as I know it will never be the same.
been dealt a loss – my second in a row, and fourth in my last
five. Concerned? A bit. But as soon as I stop playing teams
during their career weeks (Tools, LABOR POWER, Crabs), I might
actually pull some wins out. I’m scoring plenty of points…they
just aren’t translating into wins.
What a great store.
Living alone, I can continue to experience the joys of AC well
into late October.
I traded for him last year, couldn’t wait to NOT keep him this year,
and repeatedly bashed him as he opened this season with a few
shitty games. However, I am man enough to admit when I was
wrong. So…if Jones continues this way for the remainder of the
season, I will. Until then, I am right, and Jones has just been
lucky.
I can’t be the only one in the league who watches this show.
Stand up and declare your allegiance! Are you a Mario guy or a
Joey fan? Monique or Emmitt? Come on…don’t be ashamed.
Strangely enough, I’m mildly excited about participating this
year. And might it be possible to upgrade to a COLOR certificate
for the winner? Maybe even with gold foil?
My life as I know it will never be the same.