Published September 14
- Congratulations to the winners of week 1
- Quote of the week, “You drink that drink! Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years. What do
you think, you're going to sit here tonight and reinvent the wheel?” From Roger Dodger, a great movie that you
all should see. - To the losers of week 1, you’re fucking losers.
- As for my draft analysis compared to the week 1 scores, once again we’ve proved, I know nothing.
- Navid check for me, I’m immortalized on that trophy, right?
- Go to Red-Eye for Rachel McAdams, but you’ll leave it after seeing a good movie.
- I will never admit that any of you are better looking then me.
HANDSOME (BEAUTIFUL) NEW JERSEY JACOBINS
Whoa, whoa, whoa… Look what we have here. A little turn around for a Shitter Award Winner (SAW). No one told
me that Droughns was returning kicks… that turned out to be good news for Dave as it’s the reason he beat Brock. I’
m not totally sold on Drew Brees but he had a decent game with out his big target, Antonio Gates (how about
throwing some fucking passes to L.T.?) With Stokley on his bench, Dave is riding some good receiver play and
steady running back play with Bettis back in week 3. Let us not forget Randy Moss, 5 rec., 130 yd., 1 TD. Best
receiver in the league right now.
HOT BROCK’S BANDITS
You were a loser in week 1, but you were right on draft day (so far). If this ridiculous idea of drafting real life winners
works I’m going to draft Mike Vrabel next year in the first round, I don’t care about the consequences. Brock, nice
ass and all, is just completely set at running back and is really the envy of the league in that category. I can’t see
Greg Lewis remaining in your line up forever but if Reggie Williams starts contributing to Jacksonville Brock might
have the most complete team in ROFF.
SEXY BALTIMORE TOOLS
I like the commish’s team, a lot. But I will respectfully disagree with his starting Big Ben over Trent Green this week
(which is the way it is currently looking). I can’t possibly see Green having another bad game like that in K.C.’s
offense (and against a weak passing D in Oakland). I think Roy Williams will break out sooner rather than later and
Bobby Engram had a quietly good game on the bench. The only question mark is Santana Moss, will he suffer with
Brunell back as starter? I say yes.
GOOD-LOOKING BRICK WALLS & TREES
It’s just hard to tell if Scott made the right move or not. He’s got two good running backs but look at the production
he got from his wide outs, not much (by the way, you should be down on your fucking knees after I took Walker…
fuck him). Marc Bulger apparently throws every down in St. Louis so it doesn’t look like you reached in the 4th round
for him. After the way his team performed last week though, it’s hard to tell me Watson’s team is not good-looking.
CUTE COLT .45’s
Another guy who has two stud running backs. What worries me is the teams that they are on… will they be capable
of constantly getting in the end-zone? I’m not so sure. G. Money has a very, very balanced team, whether you want
to have sex with him or not. Now the only question that remains is how Brett Favre will play the rest of the season.
JP Losman was a better play in week 1, and by a lot. Not saying to give up on Favre, but his value takes a hit with
Walker done for the season (fuck him).
ATTRACTIVE BLADE BROWN
The Kerry Collins experiment looks pretty good in the early stages of the season. Ronnie Brown will be a question
mark each week and as of right now no one has a clue who the starter in Denver is. Still, the suddenly not so silent
assassin has the second best receiver in football, as well as a touchdown machine in Corey Dillon. I really think the
quarterback play of Collins will have the biggest affect week in and out on Blade’s team.
DECENT MARRIED WITH RAVENS
Without question Willie Parker is the best pick-up since Sherman grabbed Boldin two years ago. If Parker plays like
this next week (and he very well might against a weak Houston defense) Lukin is skyrocketing towards Hotness. So
much for me not being a huge fan of your receivers, they all played great so as long as Daunte Culpepper doesn’t
play like Akili Smith next week, Lukin could very well be the team he was last year.
EH NOMADS IN THE DEEP
Keeping Warrick Dunn was absolutely the right move. Plus with Stephen Davis and LJ, Navid is by far the deepest in
our most important position. Apparently Steve Smith was good a year too late for me so I recommend everyone to
pick Javon next year (fuck him). With Walker (fuck him) down however, Donald Driver gets a big boost and maybe
Arnaz Battle will be a guy we’re talking about later this year as a great sleeper pick.
NOT INTERESTED DUCKVILLE QUACKERS
I like Parker’s team and I’m petrified to be playing him next week. Fred Taylor was a better pick than Barlow (and I’m
upset I had any faith in that crack pot) and Julius Jones is a stud, end of story. I don’t see Andre Johnson having
many more bad games so Parker boasts a potent wide out crew. The only question mark is at QB. Will Pennington
and Plummer be that bad all season? I have no faith in Pennington but I think Shanahan can right Plummer’s ship.
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME NOSE
The Nose got the W and that’s all that matters in this league. Still, he’s got to be scared shitless after seeing what J.
J. Arrington did compared to Cadillac. I see a lot of hope though. Carson Palmer played great and Steven Jackson
should probably see more carries in the coming weeks. He has a steady group of receivers but unfortunately for him
none of them saw the end zone this week. I see the Nose as the team on the rise.
NOT GOOD LOOKING BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH
I have a feeling Kiss’s team is going to catch fire and a lot of that will depend on Ahman Green. Obviously Cadillac is
the prize of the draft and a combination of him and Green could lead Kiss to the promise land. McNabb should pick
his game up as well and Ben Troupe could end up a cute little sleeper. I’m still a little iffy on wide receiver, not an
impressive first week, despite Randle El’s touchdown and deep threat ability, Pittsburgh just doesn’t throw the ball
that much.
ONLY FOR $1 MILLION SHERMTANKS
A rare place to find the Tanks who were no where near the unattractive ratings last year. But he’s got to be hugely
disappointed with his team. Michael Bennett will apparently never be good and his jail house sweetie, Jamal Lewis
ran into the Indy D and could never get it going. This could be a problem all year, teams just stacking 9 guys in the
box. I wouldn’t expect Peyton Manning to be that average for the rest of the year, except for the week in Foxboro.
And what about Hines Ward, who Sherman felt was the prize of the draft in round 4? Like Randle El, Pitt just doesn’t
throw the ball enough. Perhaps it was good that his team sucked so bad in week one, if your best players are going
to have a bad week, should be the same one.
IF I WAS BLIND PROPAGANDA
Nick automatically gets a boost with Antonio Gates coming back in week 2. However, Vick, a guy I wanted, struggled
again to produce fantasy points. Here’s hoping that Frisman Jackson turns out to be as good as he was in week 1
but I’m not sold on him yet. My other concern is Dominick Davis, when is this guy going to break out? Or will he
ever? I’m not so sure, and Houston looked god awful last week against a great D. They play another great D this
week at home against Pittsburgh.
GROSS FIVE SECOND STARE
I suck. Jason Witten sucks too. Things I have to hope for: Burleson and Colbert not playing that badly ever again.
Keyshawn remaining young, Witten getting open, Tatum Bell starting and LT getting 35-40 carries a game. The
good news, Byron Leftwich was the better play than Aaron Brooks so at least I feel like I did something right. And
fuck Javon Walker.
