Published December 2
- Congratulations to the winners of week 11 & 12
- Quote of the week, “Oh no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast.” - Kong
- The Good Looking Quote of two weeks ago: “Will Andre Johnson remember that he was good?"
- Gregg, I’m not joking, tell your sister-in-law I’d really like another shot.
- Sorry about last week mates, it won’t happen again.
- I will never admit that any of you are better looking then me.
HANDSOME (BEAUTIFUL) NOMADS IN THE DEEP (last week: NOMADS IN THE DEEP) – Great game last week
between Navid and I (I’m not bitter, I swear). Navid clearly has the best team right now, the best wide receiver, one of
the best running backs, one of the best quarterbacks and one of the best defenses. It’s hard to pick against him, so
I won’t. I put him over Watson for two reasons. One I explain below, the other is this: if I do make the playoffs, I’d
rather play Scott than Navid, hence the ranking.
HOT BRICK WALLS AND TREES (last week: BRICK WALLS AND TREES) – I’ll need confirmation from Marc but I don’
t think any team has gone 12-1, so why does Scott not get the top spot on my list? He’s starting David Garrard this
week, and I don’t care how good he looked last week, I can’t rank a team handsome when they start David Garrard,
end of story. To a team that has wrapped up the playoffs for a month already, I say good luck.
SEXY BROCK'S BANDITS (last week: BROCK'S BANDITS) – After a small stretch that was purely shitty (byes will do
that to you) Brock still remains at the top of the league (I love the Brady/Branch matchup against the Jets this week).
There are so few holes (the third wide out is the only I see) that it’s hard to see Brock lose. But he has and he will,
so long as everything depends on one team (the Pats).
GOOD-LOOKING NOSE (last week: NEW JERSEY JACOBINS) – Blass’s team took it to another stratosphere this
week. The key for Jarrett’s team right now is Chris Brown (talk to B. Yeung for more information on the subject).
Brown has been a huge addition to the team and with his stacked wide receivers, the second best quarterback in the
league, and Steven, Jarrett is a major threat come playoff time. *** New Finals Prediction *** Nose vs. Nomads.
CUTE NEW JERSEY JACOBINS (last week: NOSE) – Unfortunately for Dave, Randy Moss has been kind of a bust
this year. He has been getting great play from Droughns and Tiki and has been getting consistent play from his
receivers and quarterback. If you catch Dave on a good week, you have relatively no shot of beating him.
ATTRACTIVE COLT .45'S (last week: COLT .45's) – Just when I thought marriage killed his team, it actually
resuscitated it. Speaking of which, do tell Karen I said hi, I miss her so. To his team, and his credit, Gregg, nice ass
and all, have regrouped after a really rough patch and has landed back in the playoffs. His plan, stack yourself with
ball hawking wide receivers, has worked, and if he can get any play out of J.J. Arrington than don’t be surprised to
see Gregg make a splash in the post-season.
DECENT BLADE BROWN (last week: BLADE BROWN) – In one of the two big matchups of the week (Nick and me
being the other) Brian takes on Lukin. Simply put, if you win, you’re in (maybe, I need confirmation from Scotty
Watts). In a surprising move, Blade is riding the Fitzpatrick wave and he gets the start over Collins and Delhomme.
The Yahoo! projections have Lukin absolutely killing Brian but don’t be surprised if DeShaun Foster (whom Josh
dropped) performs big against the Falcons and takes Yeung to the playoffs.
EH MARRIED WITH RAVENS (last week: FIVE SECOND STARE) – Lukin’s team has been up and down all year and
it’s fitting that his last game is like a playoff game. Who would have thought that in the beginning of the year a week
13 game, with the playoffs on the line would be decided between Michael Vick and Ryan Fitzpatrick. It’s a weird
game we play. The biggest thing going for MwR is the possible return of Jamal Lewis, who’s been out all season with
suckitis. Should be a great game between these two 5-7 teams.
NOT INTERESTED FIVE SECOND STARE (last week: MARRIED WITH RAVENS) – It’s been an ugly slide for my team
and although teams say they are scared to play me, I don’t buy it. Tatum Bell, despite his three week run, has been
a disappointment and with the exception of LT and Galloway, I have no breakout ability. As for the injury bug, I’ve
lost Walker, Burleson, Leftwich, Bell, and Rackers for parts of the season. This year has not been easy. Good luck
Nick.
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME DUCKVILLE QUACKERS(last week: BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH) – I can honestly
say that if I had to rank GM’s instead of teams, Parker would be in the top 3. He’s made great additions to his team
and now has a legit shot at the playoffs (though I believe he’ll need a little help from Lukin or Nick). His has two of
the best receivers in the league and Kurt Warner has put up pretty monster numbers so far. His running backs are
key, Gado and Moore can have 20 point games or 4 point games. It’s gamble worth taking, let’s see if it pays off.
NOT GOOD LOOKING PROPAGANDA (last week: BALTIMORE TOOLS) – For all the shit I’ve given Nick’s team this
year, he has about a 50% chance to make the playoffs. I wont do Scott’s job for him, but I believe if Nick beats me
and Parker loses, Nick will make a miraculous playoff run. You have to give a guy credit for making so many rosters
moves without watching a game all season till last week. Brad Johnson gets the start this week, it’ll be up to him, Joe
J., Dominick Davis and Antonio Gates this week.
ONLY FOR $1 MILLION BALTIMORE TOOLS (last week: DUCKVILLE QUACKERS) – Marc has had a rough patch
of luck. His point total has him in the top 8 but his record has him in 2nd to last. Marc is in control of his own density
(I misspelled that on purpose) this week, in the sense that a win will guarantee he will not be the first 2-time toilet bowl
seat representative. Interesting note, we could have a 2-time Toilet Bowl winner and a 2-time ROFF champ in the
same year.
IF I WAS BLIND BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH (last week: SHERMTANKS) – Kiss has had a rough year this year and I
blame three people. Whoever he started at wide receiver. It just appeared that Coles and Randle El never lived up
to the hype (not that there was much hype, but they’ve been real bad this year). He had the injury issues with Green
and Williams, and was in such bad shape he actually FOR Kevan Barlow. I know that he’ll be making a trek to New
York soon, can’t wait to see ya big guy.
GROSS SHERMTANKS (last week: PROPAGANDA) – The Toilet Bowl Award. Thankfully Marc has come up with a
prize (it sorta is) for the team that ends in dead last. No one wants their name on it, especially a guy that has been
so dominant in the field of imaginary football. Jay hasn’t had a good week so I wont rip his team to shit. But we had
dinner the other night and I asked him to name his top two players. He couldn’t do it.
