| Week 2 Published September 21 |
QUICK NOTES
HANDSOME (BEAUTIFUL) BROCK’S BANDITS (last week: NEW JERSEY JACOBINS)
True, our new rule means that wide receivers are increasingly more important. True, Brock has a nice ass. But
nothing takes the place of two stud running backs; I just don’t want to be the guy that plays Brock when he gets lights
out games from both Alexander and Rudi. The way that some tight ends are underperforming early in the season,
Randy McMichael is looking solid, if not more and more like a convict. Despite the week one loss Brock has the
second most points in this league, not to infringe on Marc’s territory but I think Brock vs. Lukin has match of the week
written all over it.
HOT BRICK WALLS AND TREES (last week: BROCK’S BANDITS)
LaMont Jordan has not yet truly lifted off, but he’s still a huge focus in the Raiders offense, he’s a threat to catch the
ball out of the backfield so he’s supplying bonus points for Watson. With a possible weapon like Eric Johnson about
to come off the injured list Watson’s team might get much better (but don’t forget that I said that for 10 weeks last
year concerning Todd Heap). It shouldn’t be totally surprising that the top two teams have two stud running backs.
SEXY NEW JERSEY JACOBINS (last week: BALTIMORE TOOLS)
Which is why Dave takes a slight hit to number Sexy. Despite the point total, I’m not sold on Brees yet (until he starts
getting Tomlinson more involved) and Rueben Droughns numbers went down in week 2 now that he’s not returning
kicks. Bettis will probably never start again unless Parker gets injured so the #2 running back spot might be Dave’s
undoing. That said, he’s getting great outings from NYG’s defense, plus he has the best tight end in the game and
the best wide receiver in the game.
GOOD-LOOKING BALTIMORE TOOLS (last week: BRICK WALLS & TREES)
People dwell on the Toilet Bowl season of 2003 because it was the first live draft and the first time we started this
keeper stuff. However, Marc Oreo’d that shitty season with two very good ones and it looks like his current team is
much better looking than let’s say, his face. The Curtis Martin injury (and just the way he’s been playing in general)
could affect his season. Don’t believe me? Look who he’s starting this week?
CUTE BLADE BROWN (last week: COLT .45’s)
Unlike last year when it was obvious Lukin had the best team throughout the regular season, this year there’s no one
even close to that. I mention this because I like Brian’s team but there are too many holes to call it dead sexy. Mike
Anderson is a question mark as the number 2 back, Ben Watson scored negative points at tight end and as JP
Losman goes, so does Lee Evan’s value. Brian was questioning whether to keep Terrell Owens, it must feel nice to
know you made the right decision, so far. Oh, and who was ripping on Chicago’s defense?
ATTRACTIVE THE NOSE (last week: BLADE BROWN)
The Nose is pretty unstoppable in September, who’s going to give this kid his first September loss? His team played
a lot better in week two than in week one. J.J. Arrington over Cadillac would keep me up all night and yes, I’m serious
about that. Despite the shitty pick, he handcuffed Arrington with Shipp, who is playing a light defense in Seattle in
week 3. Carson Palmer is reminding me a lot of Tom Brady and Joe Horn, fantasy wise and in real life, is a top 5
receiver. If JB picked Cadillac with that 4th pick, there is no question he’d have the best team in the league.
Hindsight’s 20/20 you big nose motherfucker, good luck this week.
DECENT NOMADS IN THE DEEP (last week: MARRIED WITH RAVENS)
The champ gets his first win of the year and is now looking pretty deep at wide receiver, Donald Driver is now the
man. Michael Clayton is riding the bench? And he’s looking deep at running back with Stephen Davis riding the
bench, Dunn and the LJ/Priest connection. The defenses have been poor but if Hasselbeck plays like he did in week
2 the Nomads might be repeating.
EH BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH (last week: NOMADS IN THE DEEP)
Kiss’s team looked fantastic last week. Cadillac looks like the best pick in the first round (except for Moss) and
Donovan McNabb is now officially the second best fantasy quarterback in the league (behind Manning who will
eventually get more Manning-like). The new reception rule could really help Ahman Green now that Walker is done
for the season and what’s the deal with this Edwards kid? Who saw that coming?
NOT INTERESTED MARRIED WITH RAVENS (last week: DUCKVILLE QUACKERS)
This Culpepper thing has officially reached the point of serious. 5!!!! I mean, 5!!!! What the fuck? Lukin looks
pretty OK at wide out but now his running back situation is in a rizz. Who to start? Will Thomas Jones play like that
all year? McGahee can’t play that bad all season, right? Willie Parker against the Pats? Will DeShaun Foster ever
start? Josh is kinda fucked (wait, sorry, I was thinking about marriage). Josh isn’t totally fucked here, but it may take
a few weeks to figure out his best running back combo.
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME DUCKVILLE QUAKERS (last week: THE NOSE)
Parker has a bit of a quarterback controversy, but neither are that great. Not a single play on his team came out to
play last week. It’s a good thing the Texans are on the bye because they have to figure out how to get Andre
Johnson involved in that offense. Sooner or later Julius Jones will break out and score 2 or 3 touchdowns in a
game. Also, watch out for Mewelde Moore, who could be the starter this week and the rest of the season. If he turns
out to be a stud, the Ducks will Quack once again.
NOT GOOD LOOKING COLT .45’s (last week: BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH)
We all fell in love with Kevin Jones this off-season. At the draft it was whether to keep Portis or Johnson, not Jones
or Johnson. I think Jones will be fine and the Colts will right their ship and sail into the playoffs (PUN!). This week
doesn’t look that great for G. Money, whether you want to have sex with him or not, Mason, Jones and Portis all have
byes so to call Moore and underdog in his match-up against Nick, would be accurate.
ONLY FOR $1 MILLION SHERMTANKS (last week: SHERMTANKS)
Despite the loss, and by far sporting his worse team in the 3 years I’ve been in the league, there’s room for optimism
here. Jay scored over 100 points with his two keepers giving him a total of 9.03 points. Not sure if Terry Glenn can
play like that all year and there is still a huge question mark at running back. Will Cedric Benson start this season?
Michael Bennett was my third round pick too by the way, and he was more effective for me being out 10 weeks.
IF I WAS BLIND FIVE SECOND STARE (last week: PROPAGANDA)
Oh vey, the first step to accepting that you’re good looking is admitting that you’re lucky. There’s no other excuse
for coming out on top of my ‘battle’ with Parker. Things are looking worse for me than they did a week ago. Burleson
is out and Colbert managed to do worse in week 2 than he did in week 1. Hopefully LT gets the ball more and maybe
Taylor can fill-in in Minnesota. Who knows? But as of right now, all is not well in Mr. Stare’s Neighborhood.
GROSS PROPAGANDA (last week: FIVE SECOND STARE)
PROPAGANDA – Marc said it first or second or whenever. Nick, whether he was in another hemisphere or not, was
at a disadvantage by not being at the draft. Dominick Davis is two weeks away from bust status and I don’t know for
sure but I think Deuce is averaging like 2.5 yards per carry. Michael Vick was benched last year for Drew Brees, this
year, Gus Frerotte. Michael Vick is not a good fantasy quarterback, period. Nick gets a G. Money team that has
plenty of his best players on a bye so maybe the Red Man can take advantage and bring a W to Russia.
- Congratulations to the winners of week 2
- Quote of the week, “Hee hee. ‘Get her.’ That was your whole plan. I like it; it was scientific.” Peter Venkman,
Ghostbusters - NEW FEATURE: The Good Looking Quote of Last Week: “The only question mark is Santana Moss, will he
suffer with Brunell back as starter? I say yes.” - Keepers suck
- Did you guys see the new Harry Potter trailer? Amazing!
- What have I learned this week? Yahoo! is apparently out to get me.
- I will never admit that any of you are better looking then me.
HANDSOME (BEAUTIFUL) BROCK’S BANDITS (last week: NEW JERSEY JACOBINS)
True, our new rule means that wide receivers are increasingly more important. True, Brock has a nice ass. But
nothing takes the place of two stud running backs; I just don’t want to be the guy that plays Brock when he gets lights
out games from both Alexander and Rudi. The way that some tight ends are underperforming early in the season,
Randy McMichael is looking solid, if not more and more like a convict. Despite the week one loss Brock has the
second most points in this league, not to infringe on Marc’s territory but I think Brock vs. Lukin has match of the week
written all over it.
HOT BRICK WALLS AND TREES (last week: BROCK’S BANDITS)
LaMont Jordan has not yet truly lifted off, but he’s still a huge focus in the Raiders offense, he’s a threat to catch the
ball out of the backfield so he’s supplying bonus points for Watson. With a possible weapon like Eric Johnson about
to come off the injured list Watson’s team might get much better (but don’t forget that I said that for 10 weeks last
year concerning Todd Heap). It shouldn’t be totally surprising that the top two teams have two stud running backs.
SEXY NEW JERSEY JACOBINS (last week: BALTIMORE TOOLS)
Which is why Dave takes a slight hit to number Sexy. Despite the point total, I’m not sold on Brees yet (until he starts
getting Tomlinson more involved) and Rueben Droughns numbers went down in week 2 now that he’s not returning
kicks. Bettis will probably never start again unless Parker gets injured so the #2 running back spot might be Dave’s
undoing. That said, he’s getting great outings from NYG’s defense, plus he has the best tight end in the game and
the best wide receiver in the game.
GOOD-LOOKING BALTIMORE TOOLS (last week: BRICK WALLS & TREES)
People dwell on the Toilet Bowl season of 2003 because it was the first live draft and the first time we started this
keeper stuff. However, Marc Oreo’d that shitty season with two very good ones and it looks like his current team is
much better looking than let’s say, his face. The Curtis Martin injury (and just the way he’s been playing in general)
could affect his season. Don’t believe me? Look who he’s starting this week?
CUTE BLADE BROWN (last week: COLT .45’s)
Unlike last year when it was obvious Lukin had the best team throughout the regular season, this year there’s no one
even close to that. I mention this because I like Brian’s team but there are too many holes to call it dead sexy. Mike
Anderson is a question mark as the number 2 back, Ben Watson scored negative points at tight end and as JP
Losman goes, so does Lee Evan’s value. Brian was questioning whether to keep Terrell Owens, it must feel nice to
know you made the right decision, so far. Oh, and who was ripping on Chicago’s defense?
ATTRACTIVE THE NOSE (last week: BLADE BROWN)
The Nose is pretty unstoppable in September, who’s going to give this kid his first September loss? His team played
a lot better in week two than in week one. J.J. Arrington over Cadillac would keep me up all night and yes, I’m serious
about that. Despite the shitty pick, he handcuffed Arrington with Shipp, who is playing a light defense in Seattle in
week 3. Carson Palmer is reminding me a lot of Tom Brady and Joe Horn, fantasy wise and in real life, is a top 5
receiver. If JB picked Cadillac with that 4th pick, there is no question he’d have the best team in the league.
Hindsight’s 20/20 you big nose motherfucker, good luck this week.
DECENT NOMADS IN THE DEEP (last week: MARRIED WITH RAVENS)
The champ gets his first win of the year and is now looking pretty deep at wide receiver, Donald Driver is now the
man. Michael Clayton is riding the bench? And he’s looking deep at running back with Stephen Davis riding the
bench, Dunn and the LJ/Priest connection. The defenses have been poor but if Hasselbeck plays like he did in week
2 the Nomads might be repeating.
EH BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH (last week: NOMADS IN THE DEEP)
Kiss’s team looked fantastic last week. Cadillac looks like the best pick in the first round (except for Moss) and
Donovan McNabb is now officially the second best fantasy quarterback in the league (behind Manning who will
eventually get more Manning-like). The new reception rule could really help Ahman Green now that Walker is done
for the season and what’s the deal with this Edwards kid? Who saw that coming?
NOT INTERESTED MARRIED WITH RAVENS (last week: DUCKVILLE QUACKERS)
This Culpepper thing has officially reached the point of serious. 5!!!! I mean, 5!!!! What the fuck? Lukin looks
pretty OK at wide out but now his running back situation is in a rizz. Who to start? Will Thomas Jones play like that
all year? McGahee can’t play that bad all season, right? Willie Parker against the Pats? Will DeShaun Foster ever
start? Josh is kinda fucked (wait, sorry, I was thinking about marriage). Josh isn’t totally fucked here, but it may take
a few weeks to figure out his best running back combo.
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME DUCKVILLE QUAKERS (last week: THE NOSE)
Parker has a bit of a quarterback controversy, but neither are that great. Not a single play on his team came out to
play last week. It’s a good thing the Texans are on the bye because they have to figure out how to get Andre
Johnson involved in that offense. Sooner or later Julius Jones will break out and score 2 or 3 touchdowns in a
game. Also, watch out for Mewelde Moore, who could be the starter this week and the rest of the season. If he turns
out to be a stud, the Ducks will Quack once again.
NOT GOOD LOOKING COLT .45’s (last week: BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH)
We all fell in love with Kevin Jones this off-season. At the draft it was whether to keep Portis or Johnson, not Jones
or Johnson. I think Jones will be fine and the Colts will right their ship and sail into the playoffs (PUN!). This week
doesn’t look that great for G. Money, whether you want to have sex with him or not, Mason, Jones and Portis all have
byes so to call Moore and underdog in his match-up against Nick, would be accurate.
ONLY FOR $1 MILLION SHERMTANKS (last week: SHERMTANKS)
Despite the loss, and by far sporting his worse team in the 3 years I’ve been in the league, there’s room for optimism
here. Jay scored over 100 points with his two keepers giving him a total of 9.03 points. Not sure if Terry Glenn can
play like that all year and there is still a huge question mark at running back. Will Cedric Benson start this season?
Michael Bennett was my third round pick too by the way, and he was more effective for me being out 10 weeks.
IF I WAS BLIND FIVE SECOND STARE (last week: PROPAGANDA)
Oh vey, the first step to accepting that you’re good looking is admitting that you’re lucky. There’s no other excuse
for coming out on top of my ‘battle’ with Parker. Things are looking worse for me than they did a week ago. Burleson
is out and Colbert managed to do worse in week 2 than he did in week 1. Hopefully LT gets the ball more and maybe
Taylor can fill-in in Minnesota. Who knows? But as of right now, all is not well in Mr. Stare’s Neighborhood.
GROSS PROPAGANDA (last week: FIVE SECOND STARE)
PROPAGANDA – Marc said it first or second or whenever. Nick, whether he was in another hemisphere or not, was
at a disadvantage by not being at the draft. Dominick Davis is two weeks away from bust status and I don’t know for
sure but I think Deuce is averaging like 2.5 yards per carry. Michael Vick was benched last year for Drew Brees, this
year, Gus Frerotte. Michael Vick is not a good fantasy quarterback, period. Nick gets a G. Money team that has
plenty of his best players on a bye so maybe the Red Man can take advantage and bring a W to Russia.
