| Week 3 Published September 30 |
QUICK NOTES
- Under the wire, but I made it
- You can expect a review of Jackass: Number Two coming very soon and a review of The Departed next week.
- I know, I know, nobody reads these reviews anyway.
- It’s official, I will never have sex with a bartender in my entire life.
- New favorite song: “What a Wonderful World it Could Be” – Sam Cooke.
- I'm still better looking than all of you.
HANDSOME - CANTON FC After a fantastic week, Lukin is entrenched in my handsome
spot. Forgetting about bye weeks for a moment, I think Lukin has the top starting line up in
the league and I think that includes kicker and defense. If Lukin does have a weakness it
would be depth at the wide receiver position. But with Dillon already banged up, Laurence
Maroney is looking sickeningly handsome.
HOT - BALTIMORE TOOLS I'd have to check the archives, but I believe this is the best
looking the commish has ever been. But when you outscore everyone in the league, that's
what happens. Marc didn’t have the best lot of keepers coming into the season but he
clearly picked the right two. Like everyone in this league, depth is an issue but Marc gets
the nice upgrade because Portis is healthy, and he will be the second best running back in
the league this year. Behind only…..
SEXY - SHERMTANKS ….. LaDainian Tomlinson, who I am fortunate enough to play this
week. I wish you the best of luck Jason. I do think Jason is having a fantastic start and I
know he'll be happy to know that I am truly petrified that I'll be 1-3 on Tuesday. Since I have
nothing else to add here, I just wanted to congratulate Tank II on keeping up with his
column. Now that I am in a different profession I realize how hard it is to keep it up. So good
job Jason, your column is fun to read because not only do you bring another new and
exciting column to our website, you bring one that is almost 100% about yourself.
GOOD-LOOKING - NOSE If Amani Toomer and Keyshawn keep on thinking it's 1998,
Jarrett's wide receiver depth is the best in the league. His running back situation is now up in
the air with Corey Dillon banged up, but you know JB is always looking to back out of a trade
at the last moment. As of right now, Jarrett would have to start TJ Duckett weeks 6 & 7. Not
good.
CUTE - BROCK'S BANDITS I know Brock is going to give me shit about this. "I'm the only
3-0 team!" he'll tell me. Why don't you go write a blog about it? Why so little love? Other
than the fact that the Yankees are currently dominating the world? Why is Thomas Jones
still starting? Isn't it time for the Cedric Benson era to begin? Plus Brady is obviously
affected by his lack of weapons, Drew Bennett is still white, and you just can't be too afraid of
his wide outs. BUT, he has a great ass, and his team is 3-0. I would trade for both of those
things right now!
ATTRACTIVE - NOMADS IN THE DEEP Are the Fantasy Football G-ds getting back at our
resident Nomad? I fucking hope so. I still like his team. Steve Smith is healthy and I think
Frank Gore will be good all season. But I can only laugh at what Herm Edwards is doing to
LJ's career and the TO experiment has not been worth it, yet. I have a feeling a 6-7 Nomads
in the playoffs is just as scary as a 10-3 Nomads in the playoffs.
DECENT - BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH The Kiss man deserves to be on the good looking
side of things. I mean, the man survived a Hurricane ladies! Now this week his team looks
awful, but I'm looking at the big picture. Hopefully Alexander will be back in two weeks and
maybe, just maybe, all Cadillac Williams needed was a bye week. The fact that Marques
Colston can be used as a TE is huger than Shaq's cock. Also, I'll see you at Mardi Gras!
EH - OC BEACH BALLERS Has the Baller ever been this unattractive? I don't think so.
Even though he's coming off a win this week, it's not terrible impressive because he only
beat me. I will give him this, with our scoring system, no one will score more points than
Brian Westbrook in this league. Having him on his team is as about as big as big can get.
But unless Lamont Jordan can turn his season around, Watty has no other running backs.
Lav Coles looks like one of the best picks in our draft but his other wide outs are lacking.
NOT INTERESTED - NEW JERSEY JACOBINS The Jacobins are probably better than this,
but I think we have a lot of balanced teams this year. The McNabb pick was fantastic and if
Randy Moss can improve you have to like the one-two punch of Moss and Andre Johnson.
The biggest problem Dave has is running back. He's got no one but Julius Jones, simply no
one.
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME - INCHING WORMS That was a huge win for PK Daey and
maybe, just maybe, it will start the turn around. I still have a lot of faith in Parker's team but
he will need Joe Addai to mature a lot quicker. The Quarterback situation for Parker is now
an official issue, though I do feel like Leftwich is the man that should be starting. I don't know
why, but I have a soft spot for Parker Daey, I root for the guy. Maybe it's because he spoons
so damn well.
NOT GOOD LOOKING - FIGHTING BLUE CRABS That's quite a drop for the Blue Crabs. I
guess that's what happens when you take a week off of Central Park football. He does have
the best quarterback in football, but it's because of that that his other positions are lacking.
David Carr has almost been as good as Manning this year and Gregg has no depth at
running back and is lacking in wide outs. However, Gregg's team has big week potential.
They can score 78 points or 130 points, there's nothing in between.
ONLY FOR $1 MILLION - labor power Just a huge week from our Limey Bastard. I'm just
throwing it out there, and I know it's a long ways a way, but how about a trip to London when I
have spring break. Makes my toes stand up when I type it. Apparently the rule for Nick's
team is when Jake Delhomme throws a touchdown, he'll win the week. If Kevin Jones can
return to 2004 form, Nick's team looks good on paper. Nice to see Darrell Jackson return to
being a #1 receiver.
IF I WAS BLIND - DORFMAN Just retire right now, you're awful. I kid, I kid. The man that
writes the best column in the league has not had a great start. He's at 0-3 and is starting
Charlie Frye on purpose. He's dealing with disappointing seasons (Brown, Foster,
Chambers, Lundy) and sometimes your team is cursed. The last thing I would do is count
out the assassin. I just wouldn't, not till after I play him. Which brings me to….
GROSS - FIVE SECOND STARE ….. this guy. What a depressing thing, to have a losing
team. I don't know how you did it last year Jason. And having StatTracker when you have a
shitty team is the worst part. Honestly, I don't want to talk about it, I don't. Next week I'm only
ranking the top 13 teams, I'm dropping my team out of the hat. Like they do in soccer.
spot. Forgetting about bye weeks for a moment, I think Lukin has the top starting line up in
the league and I think that includes kicker and defense. If Lukin does have a weakness it
would be depth at the wide receiver position. But with Dillon already banged up, Laurence
Maroney is looking sickeningly handsome.
HOT - BALTIMORE TOOLS I'd have to check the archives, but I believe this is the best
looking the commish has ever been. But when you outscore everyone in the league, that's
what happens. Marc didn’t have the best lot of keepers coming into the season but he
clearly picked the right two. Like everyone in this league, depth is an issue but Marc gets
the nice upgrade because Portis is healthy, and he will be the second best running back in
the league this year. Behind only…..
SEXY - SHERMTANKS ….. LaDainian Tomlinson, who I am fortunate enough to play this
week. I wish you the best of luck Jason. I do think Jason is having a fantastic start and I
know he'll be happy to know that I am truly petrified that I'll be 1-3 on Tuesday. Since I have
nothing else to add here, I just wanted to congratulate Tank II on keeping up with his
column. Now that I am in a different profession I realize how hard it is to keep it up. So good
job Jason, your column is fun to read because not only do you bring another new and
exciting column to our website, you bring one that is almost 100% about yourself.
GOOD-LOOKING - NOSE If Amani Toomer and Keyshawn keep on thinking it's 1998,
Jarrett's wide receiver depth is the best in the league. His running back situation is now up in
the air with Corey Dillon banged up, but you know JB is always looking to back out of a trade
at the last moment. As of right now, Jarrett would have to start TJ Duckett weeks 6 & 7. Not
good.
CUTE - BROCK'S BANDITS I know Brock is going to give me shit about this. "I'm the only
3-0 team!" he'll tell me. Why don't you go write a blog about it? Why so little love? Other
than the fact that the Yankees are currently dominating the world? Why is Thomas Jones
still starting? Isn't it time for the Cedric Benson era to begin? Plus Brady is obviously
affected by his lack of weapons, Drew Bennett is still white, and you just can't be too afraid of
his wide outs. BUT, he has a great ass, and his team is 3-0. I would trade for both of those
things right now!
ATTRACTIVE - NOMADS IN THE DEEP Are the Fantasy Football G-ds getting back at our
resident Nomad? I fucking hope so. I still like his team. Steve Smith is healthy and I think
Frank Gore will be good all season. But I can only laugh at what Herm Edwards is doing to
LJ's career and the TO experiment has not been worth it, yet. I have a feeling a 6-7 Nomads
in the playoffs is just as scary as a 10-3 Nomads in the playoffs.
DECENT - BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH The Kiss man deserves to be on the good looking
side of things. I mean, the man survived a Hurricane ladies! Now this week his team looks
awful, but I'm looking at the big picture. Hopefully Alexander will be back in two weeks and
maybe, just maybe, all Cadillac Williams needed was a bye week. The fact that Marques
Colston can be used as a TE is huger than Shaq's cock. Also, I'll see you at Mardi Gras!
EH - OC BEACH BALLERS Has the Baller ever been this unattractive? I don't think so.
Even though he's coming off a win this week, it's not terrible impressive because he only
beat me. I will give him this, with our scoring system, no one will score more points than
Brian Westbrook in this league. Having him on his team is as about as big as big can get.
But unless Lamont Jordan can turn his season around, Watty has no other running backs.
Lav Coles looks like one of the best picks in our draft but his other wide outs are lacking.
NOT INTERESTED - NEW JERSEY JACOBINS The Jacobins are probably better than this,
but I think we have a lot of balanced teams this year. The McNabb pick was fantastic and if
Randy Moss can improve you have to like the one-two punch of Moss and Andre Johnson.
The biggest problem Dave has is running back. He's got no one but Julius Jones, simply no
one.
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME - INCHING WORMS That was a huge win for PK Daey and
maybe, just maybe, it will start the turn around. I still have a lot of faith in Parker's team but
he will need Joe Addai to mature a lot quicker. The Quarterback situation for Parker is now
an official issue, though I do feel like Leftwich is the man that should be starting. I don't know
why, but I have a soft spot for Parker Daey, I root for the guy. Maybe it's because he spoons
so damn well.
NOT GOOD LOOKING - FIGHTING BLUE CRABS That's quite a drop for the Blue Crabs. I
guess that's what happens when you take a week off of Central Park football. He does have
the best quarterback in football, but it's because of that that his other positions are lacking.
David Carr has almost been as good as Manning this year and Gregg has no depth at
running back and is lacking in wide outs. However, Gregg's team has big week potential.
They can score 78 points or 130 points, there's nothing in between.
ONLY FOR $1 MILLION - labor power Just a huge week from our Limey Bastard. I'm just
throwing it out there, and I know it's a long ways a way, but how about a trip to London when I
have spring break. Makes my toes stand up when I type it. Apparently the rule for Nick's
team is when Jake Delhomme throws a touchdown, he'll win the week. If Kevin Jones can
return to 2004 form, Nick's team looks good on paper. Nice to see Darrell Jackson return to
being a #1 receiver.
IF I WAS BLIND - DORFMAN Just retire right now, you're awful. I kid, I kid. The man that
writes the best column in the league has not had a great start. He's at 0-3 and is starting
Charlie Frye on purpose. He's dealing with disappointing seasons (Brown, Foster,
Chambers, Lundy) and sometimes your team is cursed. The last thing I would do is count
out the assassin. I just wouldn't, not till after I play him. Which brings me to….
GROSS - FIVE SECOND STARE ….. this guy. What a depressing thing, to have a losing
team. I don't know how you did it last year Jason. And having StatTracker when you have a
shitty team is the worst part. Honestly, I don't want to talk about it, I don't. Next week I'm only
ranking the top 13 teams, I'm dropping my team out of the hat. Like they do in soccer.