Published October 3
- 1. I’m on time this week, go me.
- I know, B. Yeung is the only one that reads this column
- If you guys don’t listen to Brian Regan, you should. He might be the funniest man alive.
- Dane Cook is not the funniest man alive. Dane Cook is the most overrated funniest man alive. There, I said
my piece. - New favorite song: “Warning Sign” – Coldplay.
- I’m still better looking than all of you.
more stuff from cafépress.com? Absolutely; but all that stuff has little, or nothing to do with
why I'm ranking our commish #1 in the land. For one, the gamble on Chad Pennington really
paid off (and you can almost hear PK welling up about it) and I love his trio of #1 wide outs.
Clinton Portis is carrying Chester Taylor. Again, like most of us, depth is in an issue,
especially at running back.
HOT - CANTON FC So much for being entrenched in the #1 spot. Lukin took a big hit with
Hasselbeck's awful Sunday. Truth is, this is exactly what happened when Jarrett picked
Hasselbeck early in 2004. He's just not that great of a QB. Has big play potential, but he's
just average. The big upgrade is Maroney, who is now official the stud in New England.
Interesting move, benching McGahee against the Bears; only time will tell.
SEXY - NOMADS IN THE DEEP Has the sleeping giant awoken. I've like Navid's team since
the first week of the season and last week it looked like it was in top form. Steve Smith is
back to being a reception machine and even though LJ has dropped off, he still touches the
ball 30 times a game, plus Terry Glenn and TO have been big point getters. The only
concern would be Frank Gore's fumbling. I have a feeling that might cut into his playing time.
GOOD-LOOKING - SHERMTANKS Yea, I F'd Sherman up pretty good. But I was lucky
enough to have LDT going up against Baltimore's D, plus Sherman was dealing with a lot of
byes. Truth is, I think week 4 was an aberration for the Tanks (II). He still has the best
running back in the league and the Sunday night game is all important this week as it's
Tomlinson vs Fast Willie. Great sleeper pick, Greg Jennings.
CUTE - NOSE Has the Nose hit the wall? Clearly the running back situation is becoming a
problem for him. Steven Jackson is huge, but he hasn't scored many touchdowns AND
Corey Dillon is clearly losing his job to Maroney. Palmer has off this week and if Jarrett starts
Leinart over Grossman, he's a moron. He still has a great set of wide receivers, and you
have to applaud the K2 pick. Kellen is starting to play extremely well.
ATTRACTIVE - OC BEACH BALLERS The Ballers are back in the pink. And he'll be a lot
higher if Lamont Jordan and Santana Moss can remain some consistency. If they do, the
Ballers are in good shape but we can't forget for a second that he's starting Damon Huard
over Daunte Culpepper and Jake Plummer. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad move, I'm just
stating that that is actually happening.
DECENT - BROCK'S BANDITS The Bandits, and their fantastic asses, took their first loss of
the season. Once again, the Defense position has been hurting Brock, but you have to like
the combo of Rudi and Thomas Jones (who has officially ended the Cedric Benson era in
Chicago) and the consistent, though unglamorous trio of Bruce, Bennett, and Burress. I
might not be giving the Bandits the credit they deserve, but I will say this: They are going to
make the playoffs. And that's more than I can say about my team.
EH - NEW JERSEY JACOBINS I swear if Dave's team wins next week he'll be at least
"Cute." Donovan McNabb has been unreal this season, but again, you can't emphasis it
enough, he has NO second running back. If Westbrook is healthy next week, Dave still might
have to start Buckhalter, I just don't see that being a good thing. Randy Moss is
unfortunately nearing bust status.
NOT INTERESTED - INCHING WORMS Parker has evened his season out, the first step to
making a run for the playoffs. Edge is been awful, but he gets so many touches he'll do just
fine in the ROFFL. I really like the Reggie Williams pick up and with Berrian, I think Parker
has a nice amount of depth at wide out. Back up running back is a question mark and I won't
go into the quarterback thing, but I would say that the Inching Worms are inching their way
towards the playoffs (PUN!!!).
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME - DORFMAN Dorfman got a much needed win off one of
the better teams in the league. Brian is in a weird situation, in that most people revolve
defenses and kickers, Brian is revolving quarterbacks. This week it's Alex Smith against
Oakland. It was nice to see DeShaun Foster have a good week so hopefully the Foster and
Brown tandem can pay off the rest of the season. Again, I wouldn't count out the assassin.
I'd say that Mike Furrey pickup worked out well.
NOT GOOD LOOKING - FIGHTING BLUE CRABS I'm up against Crabs this week (good luck
stud) and it looks like all of his starting wide outs are on byes with the exception of Hines
Ward. The running back situation is still up in the air for Gregg, but he has to LOVE Peyton
Manning vs. Tennessee this Sunday. Some underperforming players this year for Gregg, so
I feel if guys like Chad Johnson and Hines Ward can really turn it on, Gregg can be playoff
bound, whether you want to have sex with him or not.
ONLY FOR $1 MILLION - BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH I want this to be perfectly clear, I
LOVE JERICHO COTCHERY. We all know some of Parker's favorite football players, Chad
Pennington and Andre Johnson. Well, my favorite it is Jericho Cotchery. That's it, that's the
list. However, it's just been a disappointing year for Kiss. Just name it: Alexander, Eli,
Cadiallac, even TJ's injury. The pickups of Cotchery and Colston have helped, but Rich's
stars have to come through for him to make the playoffs.
IF I WAS BLIND - labor power I know our resident Limey is going to get mad at me for
putting him so low, but that's what happens when you're the only winless team in the league.
But, the last two weeks Nick has received very encouraging games from Delhomme, Kevin
Jones, and even Kevan Barlow. So there is plenty reason to be hopeful. Reasons not to be
hopeful, his wide receivers.
GROSS - FIVE SECOND STARE I'm not going to get my panties in a waste. So I had a
decent week, so what? I suppose there are some things to be joyful about. I have to hope
Galloway has a good relationship with Grataoauistoiuski, but I love Edwards and Driver.
McAllister has been good for me this year and here's hoping that last week was the week
Reuben turns his season around. Oh, same goes for Marc Bulger. And although you know I
hate to brag, you gotta give me a bit of credit with these kickers, I know how to pick those
guys. One of these days I'll get the hang of the rest of the positions.
