| Week 9 Published November 7 |
QUICK NOTES
- On time two weeks in a row. I’ll try to make a habit out of this.
- I mean, I really hate women.
- Next review will be “Stranger than Fiction”
- After losing two weeks in a row I started a new ritual in which I go to the movies on Sunday morning instead of
watching the first 2 and a half quarters of the first game. It worked last week. If it works again this week, expect to
see a lot more movie reviews. - New favorite song, “Good Friend” – Nine Days
- I’m still better looking than all of you.
HANDSOME - NOMADS IN THE DEEP I'm gonna have to deal with this fucking guy all week? But
you know what? The guy can talk all the shit he wants until someone beats him. I'm going to stop
heaping accolades on the Nomads in the Deep and simply state he has the best team in the league;
we'll just leave it at that. Good luck this week buddy.
HOT - CANTON FC I think last week was just a down week for the Football Club. Although it now
looks as though Lukin is in a bit of scare with running backs. Bush is struggling, Maroney is sharing
and so much for trading Willis McGahee. I do like the Santonio Holmes pick up (I was going after him
as well) but Lukin needs Hasselbeck healthy and performing well to have a serious shot at beating
the Nomads.
SEXY - OC BEACH BALLERS That Kevin Jones trade worked out pretty well for Watson. Now, no
one knows if Jones can stay this consistent, but if he does, Watson's team is very dangerous. When
does the playoff preview start? Next week? I need to know these things. Obviously losing Wayne will
hurt, but I like the Mark Clayton, though he can be very streaky. Quick: worse keeper, Jordan or
Burleson? Never mind, I'll always have that patch.
GOOD-LOOKING - SHERMTANKS Unreal. That's all you can say when you see one of your peers
scoring 192+ points in a week. Although Jason will get all the praise this week (culminating in his own
column, which will inevitably be the greatest pat on the back in league history) he must realize that it
was, in fact, just one week. The way this game works is, you can score 150+ one week and 80- the
next. Last week did put Jason in the points lead though and that could be important come playoff
time. I can't mention any negatives about his team this week though, they performed too good.
CUTE - NOSE That was a must win Sunday for Jarrett Blass and he got the win by the skin of his
schnoze. Seeing how hurt he was with byes last week, it looks like JB is on the rise with the return of
Boldin, Stallworth and/or Keyshawn to look forward to. I have been getting on his case about running
backs but both Jackson and Dillon saved his team last week, and that might have just saved his
season. I would look for a strong finish down the stretch for the Nose.
ATTRACTIVE - BALTIMORE TOOLS A bit of a heartbreaking lose for our commish and has now
dropped 3 in a row. Chicago's defense disappointed him last week, but he got inspired play from his
running backs. The quarterback spot remains a question for the Tools but from top to bottom, I do
like his team. I think they should be better than 4-5, but that my friends is why they play the game.
DECENT - BROCK'S BANDITS Without question, Brock's team has fluctuated the most in my
rankings. He never seems to be in the same place more than once. But that is how his team plays,
they're very erratic. From last weeks virtuoso performance (against me, of course) to this weeks dud
against the Ballers, you just never know what Brock and his fantastic ass are going to do. His point
total is a bit low (and by a bit, I mean lowest in the league) but so was Nick's last year and he finished
in 4th place.
EH - NEW JERSEY JACOBINS Dave's team has taken a bit of a stumble in the last two weeks. It's
not as though Dave's team is performing poorly, he just seems to score enough points to lose by a
little. Dave's team is pretty good, but depth at running back and wide receiver has been hurting him
all season long. He can't make match-up decisions about games because he doesn't have enough
quality players to choose from. I still think his season is far from over.
NOT INTERESTED - FIGHTING BLUE CRABS Gregg was in a nail-biter type of game this week and if
not for some monsoon in Seattle probably would have pulled out the victory. Whenever he loses I
always look back at his running backs; it looks as though Jamal Lewis is starting to turn his season
around under Brian Billick's offensive play calling but he needs DeAngelo Williams to get healthy
quick. G Money isn't done yet but he has reached must win status, whether you want to have sex
with him or not.
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME - INCHING WORMS As you know by now, I never count out
Parker's team, but last week's loss really hurt him. The good news is that Larry Fitzgerald is back this
week and Joseph Addai is officially taking over the starting role in Indy. The bad news is that Fitz isn't
100% and Kitna is now the only option he has at QB. Like every team 3-6 and worse, the rest of the
season is must-win.
NOT GOOD LOOKING - labor power Nick's team keeps on looking better to me. What's more,
Tony Romo might be a keeper. He now sports a viable QB, two extremely good wide receivers and
one that's OK. He has a dependable RB (Dunn) and a possible big-game breaker (Lundy) and still
has Gates. All those moves might pay off as he plays Dorfman this week. Is the toilet bowl on the
line?
ONLY FOR $1 MILLION - DORFMAN As soon as you count B. Yeung out, he gets a big W and
becomes relevant again. And it's amazing what a difference a week can make. Ronnie Brown ran
over the bull shit version of the Monsters of the Midway, Anthony Thomas was a big pick up, and
David Garrard looked great last week. He has a HUGE game this week against Nick. If he loses, he
might get the toilet bowl. If he wins, he might make the playoffs.
IF I WAS BLIND - BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH Call the man unlucky, or just plan call his sister to
take over the league. It has not been a good year for Kiss. Shaun Alexander, Cadillac Williams, and
of course Keenan McCardell have all been disasters. The good news though could be the keepers;
Manning, Williams, Alexander, Colston, TJ? Hey, at least he has options; I couldn't say that this year.
By the way, see you at Mardi Gras.
GROSS - FIVE SECOND STARE I scored 133+ points. So why am I so low? Well, the inconsistency
has been too scarring for me to remove myself from the bottom of this list. The bright spot for me last
week (other than the consistency of Bulger) was the play of my wide receivers, who finally dominated
a week and gave me a big time victory over the second place team. Because of my low point total
though, I still have an up-hill battle to deal with.
you know what? The guy can talk all the shit he wants until someone beats him. I'm going to stop
heaping accolades on the Nomads in the Deep and simply state he has the best team in the league;
we'll just leave it at that. Good luck this week buddy.
HOT - CANTON FC I think last week was just a down week for the Football Club. Although it now
looks as though Lukin is in a bit of scare with running backs. Bush is struggling, Maroney is sharing
and so much for trading Willis McGahee. I do like the Santonio Holmes pick up (I was going after him
as well) but Lukin needs Hasselbeck healthy and performing well to have a serious shot at beating
the Nomads.
SEXY - OC BEACH BALLERS That Kevin Jones trade worked out pretty well for Watson. Now, no
one knows if Jones can stay this consistent, but if he does, Watson's team is very dangerous. When
does the playoff preview start? Next week? I need to know these things. Obviously losing Wayne will
hurt, but I like the Mark Clayton, though he can be very streaky. Quick: worse keeper, Jordan or
Burleson? Never mind, I'll always have that patch.
GOOD-LOOKING - SHERMTANKS Unreal. That's all you can say when you see one of your peers
scoring 192+ points in a week. Although Jason will get all the praise this week (culminating in his own
column, which will inevitably be the greatest pat on the back in league history) he must realize that it
was, in fact, just one week. The way this game works is, you can score 150+ one week and 80- the
next. Last week did put Jason in the points lead though and that could be important come playoff
time. I can't mention any negatives about his team this week though, they performed too good.
CUTE - NOSE That was a must win Sunday for Jarrett Blass and he got the win by the skin of his
schnoze. Seeing how hurt he was with byes last week, it looks like JB is on the rise with the return of
Boldin, Stallworth and/or Keyshawn to look forward to. I have been getting on his case about running
backs but both Jackson and Dillon saved his team last week, and that might have just saved his
season. I would look for a strong finish down the stretch for the Nose.
ATTRACTIVE - BALTIMORE TOOLS A bit of a heartbreaking lose for our commish and has now
dropped 3 in a row. Chicago's defense disappointed him last week, but he got inspired play from his
running backs. The quarterback spot remains a question for the Tools but from top to bottom, I do
like his team. I think they should be better than 4-5, but that my friends is why they play the game.
DECENT - BROCK'S BANDITS Without question, Brock's team has fluctuated the most in my
rankings. He never seems to be in the same place more than once. But that is how his team plays,
they're very erratic. From last weeks virtuoso performance (against me, of course) to this weeks dud
against the Ballers, you just never know what Brock and his fantastic ass are going to do. His point
total is a bit low (and by a bit, I mean lowest in the league) but so was Nick's last year and he finished
in 4th place.
EH - NEW JERSEY JACOBINS Dave's team has taken a bit of a stumble in the last two weeks. It's
not as though Dave's team is performing poorly, he just seems to score enough points to lose by a
little. Dave's team is pretty good, but depth at running back and wide receiver has been hurting him
all season long. He can't make match-up decisions about games because he doesn't have enough
quality players to choose from. I still think his season is far from over.
NOT INTERESTED - FIGHTING BLUE CRABS Gregg was in a nail-biter type of game this week and if
not for some monsoon in Seattle probably would have pulled out the victory. Whenever he loses I
always look back at his running backs; it looks as though Jamal Lewis is starting to turn his season
around under Brian Billick's offensive play calling but he needs DeAngelo Williams to get healthy
quick. G Money isn't done yet but he has reached must win status, whether you want to have sex
with him or not.
IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS IN ME - INCHING WORMS As you know by now, I never count out
Parker's team, but last week's loss really hurt him. The good news is that Larry Fitzgerald is back this
week and Joseph Addai is officially taking over the starting role in Indy. The bad news is that Fitz isn't
100% and Kitna is now the only option he has at QB. Like every team 3-6 and worse, the rest of the
season is must-win.
NOT GOOD LOOKING - labor power Nick's team keeps on looking better to me. What's more,
Tony Romo might be a keeper. He now sports a viable QB, two extremely good wide receivers and
one that's OK. He has a dependable RB (Dunn) and a possible big-game breaker (Lundy) and still
has Gates. All those moves might pay off as he plays Dorfman this week. Is the toilet bowl on the
line?
ONLY FOR $1 MILLION - DORFMAN As soon as you count B. Yeung out, he gets a big W and
becomes relevant again. And it's amazing what a difference a week can make. Ronnie Brown ran
over the bull shit version of the Monsters of the Midway, Anthony Thomas was a big pick up, and
David Garrard looked great last week. He has a HUGE game this week against Nick. If he loses, he
might get the toilet bowl. If he wins, he might make the playoffs.
IF I WAS BLIND - BORN TO RUN MY MOUTH Call the man unlucky, or just plan call his sister to
take over the league. It has not been a good year for Kiss. Shaun Alexander, Cadillac Williams, and
of course Keenan McCardell have all been disasters. The good news though could be the keepers;
Manning, Williams, Alexander, Colston, TJ? Hey, at least he has options; I couldn't say that this year.
By the way, see you at Mardi Gras.
GROSS - FIVE SECOND STARE I scored 133+ points. So why am I so low? Well, the inconsistency
has been too scarring for me to remove myself from the bottom of this list. The bright spot for me last
week (other than the consistency of Bulger) was the play of my wide receivers, who finally dominated
a week and gave me a big time victory over the second place team. Because of my low point total
though, I still have an up-hill battle to deal with.
